the tories are always very keen to point out that private enterprise is so much better than the public sector.
big organisations like the nhs and education can't be run from the centre they tell us - just can't do it they say. ignoring the fact that the most successful big private sector companies are run pretty much from their head offices, but hey let us not let fact get in the way of good ideology.
so remember the mantra: private good, public bad (until we get the private sector in on it).
can't help but think that a big hole has been punched through that argument during the recent snow crisis. you just have to turn towards heathrow airport to see what i mean.
from all accounts many of the passengers who had been stranded at the airport were there with little or no information being given to them. their travel plans wrecked and they were being left in the dark.
it seemed the best british airport authority could do was point out that it was a complex situation and that they were not responsible for the booking of flights that was down to the 90 or so airlines that use the airport.
leaving aside the physical problems that the airport faced: too much snow and iced in airplanes for instance, as they are questions of resources and investment - if you don't think that you are going to suffer bad weather every year do you want to spend money on equipment you will only use occasionally? seems the answer to that is simple: no.
what i haven't been able to understand is why they don't have a plan in place to get information out to customers, either before they get to the airport or when they are at the airport. after all it is not like heathrow hasn't been involved with such delays in the past. there was snow last year, the volcanic ash (the so called plume of doom) and of course the various british airways strikes. you would have thought by now that their would have been a contingency plan in place that kicked into action the moment major delays looked to be occurring.
after all how hard can it be to draft in more people in call centres to deal with the added calls? how hard can it be to constantly update the website? how hard can it be to draft in more staff to be there to speak face to face with customers who are in the airport. how hard is it to send out emails or texts
remember it isn't just baa who has to do it - the 90 airlines who operate out of heathrow know who their customers are, have details of them and could have been proactive in contacting them and informing them.
seems they didn't.
seems they ran around like headless chickens.
i bet they all have marketing, media and human resources departments yet none of them could make sure their customers were kept informed and made comfortable.
over at eurostar where customers were queuing up at four in the morning to get on the train (the line of people running for several hundred meters from st. pancras down to the british library) who was it who was doling out hot drinks and blankets to the waiting throng?
was it the lovely people at eurostar?
or was it a charity or two such as the salvation army?
next time someone tells you that private companies are so much better than public ones feel free to laugh in their faces.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
smug
only a few days ago i was harping on about how i miss the smug tones of digby waking me up to tell me how wonderful the business world was and how bad the government was.
bless the people at 5live they managed to find someone who was jsut as smug for this morning's broadcast.
the national audit office has said that the government could have made more money with its asset protection scheme if it had set its fees higher. as with many of these stories on 5live they get an expert in to give his opinion. this one was a smug american from a financial services company. he said (and i agree with him) that the asset protection scheme wasn't about making money, it was about protecting the banks, it was about providing security and confidence and it was about making sure the system didn't collapse.
they talked about some other parts of the report and where the scheme had worked or failed (worked with mortgages, failed with small businesses, this was partly down to mixed messages from politicians: apparently).
they then asked about bonuses to which smug wanky american said "governments are local, banks are global." the constant threat of the banking system when faced with any government legislation that they don't like.
well smug wanky american you weren't very global when it came to your crashes were you - when it suited you to go cap in hand you all pleaded to be helped, bailed out, saved. back then you were all needy cases who crawled to their local governments crying out national interest "please help us, please save us". bunch of cocksucking wankers all of them.
here is another pithy axiom for you mr smug wanky american banker man: "who pays the piper calls the tune."
(sadly though cameron, osborne, clegg and cable won't hold to that and will just roll over and ask the bankers to tickle their tums.)
bless the people at 5live they managed to find someone who was jsut as smug for this morning's broadcast.
the national audit office has said that the government could have made more money with its asset protection scheme if it had set its fees higher. as with many of these stories on 5live they get an expert in to give his opinion. this one was a smug american from a financial services company. he said (and i agree with him) that the asset protection scheme wasn't about making money, it was about protecting the banks, it was about providing security and confidence and it was about making sure the system didn't collapse.
they talked about some other parts of the report and where the scheme had worked or failed (worked with mortgages, failed with small businesses, this was partly down to mixed messages from politicians: apparently).
they then asked about bonuses to which smug wanky american said "governments are local, banks are global." the constant threat of the banking system when faced with any government legislation that they don't like.
well smug wanky american you weren't very global when it came to your crashes were you - when it suited you to go cap in hand you all pleaded to be helped, bailed out, saved. back then you were all needy cases who crawled to their local governments crying out national interest "please help us, please save us". bunch of cocksucking wankers all of them.
here is another pithy axiom for you mr smug wanky american banker man: "who pays the piper calls the tune."
(sadly though cameron, osborne, clegg and cable won't hold to that and will just roll over and ask the bankers to tickle their tums.)
searched
i mentioned porn in a post yesterday.
got a record number of people looking at the blog (either that or jay kept coming back to see how it is really done).
so yesterday i was searched for and found by 'porno movies', maybe they were after the review of the smash hit 'yummy yumy cum in my tummy', (any porn producers out there feel free to get in touch and i will provide a brief outline of the story).
got a record number of people looking at the blog (either that or jay kept coming back to see how it is really done).
so yesterday i was searched for and found by 'porno movies', maybe they were after the review of the smash hit 'yummy yumy cum in my tummy', (any porn producers out there feel free to get in touch and i will provide a brief outline of the story).
Monday, December 20, 2010
ban
stop it now before it spreads.
ban it.
if you see it: cross it out.
if you hear anyone saying it: slap them.
stop it now.
ban it.
don't let anyone pretend they are cool with they refer to next year as 2k11.
yes i have seen it: evening standard are at fault.
it takes just as long to type as 2011, but looks 10 times as wanky.
saying it makes you sound like a total tit.
so remember see/hear 2k11 tell them to z1p 1t.
ban it.
if you see it: cross it out.
if you hear anyone saying it: slap them.
stop it now.
ban it.
don't let anyone pretend they are cool with they refer to next year as 2k11.
yes i have seen it: evening standard are at fault.
it takes just as long to type as 2011, but looks 10 times as wanky.
saying it makes you sound like a total tit.
so remember see/hear 2k11 tell them to z1p 1t.
quote
"saving the banks from ruin has beggared britain. it's time the debt was called in."
thus spake the daily mail's editorial for the 20th of december.
hold on? what is this? it is the fault of the banks? when did that happen?
i thought that the mail, along with the con/dems were keen on blaming the profligacy of the labour government for our current predicament. all thought that it might be a global financial crisis had been poo-poo'ed by the voices of cameron, osborne, clegg and cable (not that we can trust the words of liberals) whenever the deficit is mentioned it is all about how labour didn't save when the sun was shining (although labour would argue that they were busy repairing the holes in the roof that the previous tory government had left).
so it wasn't bad spending that caused the problems, but the banks and the measures that the labour government had to take in order to protect them.
still the con/dems propaganda has worked - everyone blames the labour government. even the financial services have forgotten the mess they got themselves into and so are about to be awarding themselves a nice bonus of some £5 billion. david and george, stand up and take a bow. job done. the boys in the city thank you.
thus spake the daily mail's editorial for the 20th of december.
hold on? what is this? it is the fault of the banks? when did that happen?
i thought that the mail, along with the con/dems were keen on blaming the profligacy of the labour government for our current predicament. all thought that it might be a global financial crisis had been poo-poo'ed by the voices of cameron, osborne, clegg and cable (not that we can trust the words of liberals) whenever the deficit is mentioned it is all about how labour didn't save when the sun was shining (although labour would argue that they were busy repairing the holes in the roof that the previous tory government had left).
so it wasn't bad spending that caused the problems, but the banks and the measures that the labour government had to take in order to protect them.
still the con/dems propaganda has worked - everyone blames the labour government. even the financial services have forgotten the mess they got themselves into and so are about to be awarding themselves a nice bonus of some £5 billion. david and george, stand up and take a bow. job done. the boys in the city thank you.
vince
ooops.
so vince has been caught in a daily telegraph sting. he has told undercover reporters that he could bring the government down if he pushed too far. he describes the coalition as being a situation of constant battle. he says that the coalition is moving too fast.
naturally vince has said he is deeply embarrassed by the revelations and that he has no plans of leaving the government.
i don't' think anyone is surprised that vince is upset, everyone constantly mentions that mr. cable never looks happy as part of the coalition. what, i suspect, most people would be surprised at is how stupid vince was in making his statements in the first place. it is not just that he got suckered by reporters posing as members of his constituency but he would be so brash as to make such claims to strangers, constituents or not. frankly you can't make those sort of claims without expecting someone to say something.
makes you question his judgement about so much else.
expect vince to be doing the two-foot shuffle sometime in the new year (after he has fox trotted on celebrity come dancing).
so vince has been caught in a daily telegraph sting. he has told undercover reporters that he could bring the government down if he pushed too far. he describes the coalition as being a situation of constant battle. he says that the coalition is moving too fast.
naturally vince has said he is deeply embarrassed by the revelations and that he has no plans of leaving the government.
i don't' think anyone is surprised that vince is upset, everyone constantly mentions that mr. cable never looks happy as part of the coalition. what, i suspect, most people would be surprised at is how stupid vince was in making his statements in the first place. it is not just that he got suckered by reporters posing as members of his constituency but he would be so brash as to make such claims to strangers, constituents or not. frankly you can't make those sort of claims without expecting someone to say something.
makes you question his judgement about so much else.
expect vince to be doing the two-foot shuffle sometime in the new year (after he has fox trotted on celebrity come dancing).
searched
today my blog was found by someone looking for: ""national conference of bresilian bishops" or "rights and demo"
looks like my readership is coming up in the world.
think i am going to have to check out that conference one - sounds like a lot of fun.
looks like my readership is coming up in the world.
think i am going to have to check out that conference one - sounds like a lot of fun.
irked
i have a capacity to be irked by lots of things: big and small.
irk seems to be my permanent state.
right now i am irked by my dvds. the thing that irks (well annoys) me is that the dvd menu. i just want to put my dvd in the dvd player and i want it to play straight away. i don't want to have to watch the film. i don't want to watch a piece telling me that downloading is stealing (i've bought the dvd), but i can see what they are trying to do with it, even it is stupid.
it is the menu that really gets my goat.
i don't want to wait for a flashy animation to finish before i start watching the film. i don't want to have to navigate my way around a screen in order just to see the movie. i just want the movie.
trying to watch spooks series two on dvd is a test of patience. each episode involves a trip around a menu system that is so annoying that you just want to punch the screen. by disc two they are even giving you clues as to how to get the darned thing started (you would have thought that they would have done it on the first dvd, though that would have been too east.
so what should have been a pleasure - watching a tv series i like, has become a chore.
wouldn't have this problem if i had downloaded it.
irk seems to be my permanent state.
right now i am irked by my dvds. the thing that irks (well annoys) me is that the dvd menu. i just want to put my dvd in the dvd player and i want it to play straight away. i don't want to have to watch the film. i don't want to watch a piece telling me that downloading is stealing (i've bought the dvd), but i can see what they are trying to do with it, even it is stupid.
it is the menu that really gets my goat.
i don't want to wait for a flashy animation to finish before i start watching the film. i don't want to have to navigate my way around a screen in order just to see the movie. i just want the movie.
trying to watch spooks series two on dvd is a test of patience. each episode involves a trip around a menu system that is so annoying that you just want to punch the screen. by disc two they are even giving you clues as to how to get the darned thing started (you would have thought that they would have done it on the first dvd, though that would have been too east.
so what should have been a pleasure - watching a tv series i like, has become a chore.
wouldn't have this problem if i had downloaded it.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
porn
looks like thse con/dems are looking to shore up their traditional hang 'em and flog 'em brigade by trying to control porn on the internet (though they will miss out on some nice flog 'em videos).
as ever this is couched in terms of protecting children - we don't want them seeing it on the internet. maybe there is an argument there. i have yet to be convinced. surely if you want to protect the little dears you don't want to be starting with the hard core stuff that you have on the net, but the casual sexualisation that is all around us - no more lads magazines, no more skimpies in advertising. these are the things that are going to have lasting effects on the mind of the young not them stumbling across a web site showing 'bukkake broads do doggy 4". while the porn movies are stronger and not to most tastes it is pretty honest: wham bang thank you ma'am.
the other stuff, it could be argued, is much more insidious because it is all around, it becomes background noise, it becomes all pervasive. yet that isn't a sexy (forgive the pun) target, it doesn't press the right buttons for the tory heartlands.
being hard on porn (again excuse the pun) gives the tories the ability to look like they are being tough on family values without actually doing anything much.
of course asking parents to ensure their kids don't spend too much time on the internet searching out porn.
the government's solution is that internet service providers should block all porn sites (the question of what constitutes porn will be one that will take some discussion - a mass debate if you will, you knew it had to happen) and that adults have to opt in to be able to access the porn sites.
just tell me where to sign up.
as ever this is couched in terms of protecting children - we don't want them seeing it on the internet. maybe there is an argument there. i have yet to be convinced. surely if you want to protect the little dears you don't want to be starting with the hard core stuff that you have on the net, but the casual sexualisation that is all around us - no more lads magazines, no more skimpies in advertising. these are the things that are going to have lasting effects on the mind of the young not them stumbling across a web site showing 'bukkake broads do doggy 4". while the porn movies are stronger and not to most tastes it is pretty honest: wham bang thank you ma'am.
the other stuff, it could be argued, is much more insidious because it is all around, it becomes background noise, it becomes all pervasive. yet that isn't a sexy (forgive the pun) target, it doesn't press the right buttons for the tory heartlands.
being hard on porn (again excuse the pun) gives the tories the ability to look like they are being tough on family values without actually doing anything much.
of course asking parents to ensure their kids don't spend too much time on the internet searching out porn.
the government's solution is that internet service providers should block all porn sites (the question of what constitutes porn will be one that will take some discussion - a mass debate if you will, you knew it had to happen) and that adults have to opt in to be able to access the porn sites.
just tell me where to sign up.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
irony
julian assange has made his name by being the uber whistleblower.
some say he is a force for good and freedom.
others say he is a traitor and an enemy of democracy.
bit ironic that mr. assange is currently upset that the guardian is publishing a story which offers up new material concerning the allegations against him. you would have thought that someone who cares so much about full disclosure would be welcoming every detail of the case being out in the open.
some say he is a force for good and freedom.
others say he is a traitor and an enemy of democracy.
bit ironic that mr. assange is currently upset that the guardian is publishing a story which offers up new material concerning the allegations against him. you would have thought that someone who cares so much about full disclosure would be welcoming every detail of the case being out in the open.
snow
we have had snow.
yay.
when we have snow we have stories of snow chaos.
boo.
i always love it when people go "but we flew out of alaska, there was more snow there than there is here..." yes we know that. yes we don't cope well when the weather is extreme. the important part being that the weather is extreme - not normal, not just a lot, but extreme.
i am sure they cope with the snow better in canada, russia and switzerland and i am willing to be that sherpa's are better at climing hills than we are.
oddly this is the time the government should be doing their 'big society' spiel and practising the nudge. encourging people to take more responsibility for their driving and for their local communities.
meanwhile we can all point and laugh at those commericial concerns who just didn't heed the warnings of the weather man and got caught out - yes i am thinking of you ba. always good to see the private sector cope so well in a crisis - given how we are told they are so much better than the public sector.
right now i am going to wrap up warm.
yay.
when we have snow we have stories of snow chaos.
boo.
i always love it when people go "but we flew out of alaska, there was more snow there than there is here..." yes we know that. yes we don't cope well when the weather is extreme. the important part being that the weather is extreme - not normal, not just a lot, but extreme.
i am sure they cope with the snow better in canada, russia and switzerland and i am willing to be that sherpa's are better at climing hills than we are.
oddly this is the time the government should be doing their 'big society' spiel and practising the nudge. encourging people to take more responsibility for their driving and for their local communities.
meanwhile we can all point and laugh at those commericial concerns who just didn't heed the warnings of the weather man and got caught out - yes i am thinking of you ba. always good to see the private sector cope so well in a crisis - given how we are told they are so much better than the public sector.
right now i am going to wrap up warm.
poverty
the post employment scenario that i am in means that i am flat broke, barely have a pot to piss in (to coin that lovely turn of phrase - though with my recently blockage issue that wasn't in much use either). christmas isn't really a time to be poor, christmas is a time to have lots of money and to spend it on stuff, mostly stuff you will never use again or care about. the important thing about christmas is spendin money on getting the stuff.
the big snowfall has affected the getting of the stuff. some shops have even cut their prices by 75% in order to make up for lost time. (whenever i see shops doing that it makes me wonder: "would you have sold more if you had the set the original price a little lower?"
not that it matters to me as i am avoiding most shops at the moment.
no money. no point.
though there is a part of me that is glad that i am brassic. why? i can hear you ask.
well i have never been very good with money to start with. i like to spend it. i once had a curious conversation with my, then, boss over my pay rise. i was complaining i wasn't getting a big enough raise, he was telling me that i shouldn't complain because if i got more money i would only spend it. it was logic i couldn't argue with. i nearly volunteered to work for free on the basis of it.
in a sense though he was right. have money: buy things. no money i make do with what i have.
a case in point would have been my most recent trip to waterstones (i was meeting a pal there), whenever i am in a bookshop i need to have a mouch around - within a few minutes i had seen at least 20 books i would have liked, and some i might even have read. no money. no books.
then there is sainsbury's - ah what a wonder sainsbury's is. i often stop by the stationery department and look at the pens, writing pads, diaries and such like (stationery is one of my least peculiar fetishes). no money. no pens.
yet it is really the toy section that gets my pulse racing. i like toys. i have far too many of them (no jay, not those sorts of toys). most of them are in boxes behind other boxes. sure there are a lot dotted around the flat for me to pick up and play with. so i will have a look at the toys. oooh look a new range of lego (now lego is one of those toys that shouts out luxury to me as i never owned lego i had the cheaper 'betta bilda' from airfix), oh wow they have hot wheels (a favourite of mine). then there are the wwe action figures. no money. no toys.
one thing i wouldn't be gettting (even if i had lots of cash spare) is the circular monopoly board. all i can ask is why? why? why? are the youth today just so taken in by needless change?
so there are times when i don' mind not having two pennies to rub together.
christmas is one of them.
the big snowfall has affected the getting of the stuff. some shops have even cut their prices by 75% in order to make up for lost time. (whenever i see shops doing that it makes me wonder: "would you have sold more if you had the set the original price a little lower?"
not that it matters to me as i am avoiding most shops at the moment.
no money. no point.
though there is a part of me that is glad that i am brassic. why? i can hear you ask.
well i have never been very good with money to start with. i like to spend it. i once had a curious conversation with my, then, boss over my pay rise. i was complaining i wasn't getting a big enough raise, he was telling me that i shouldn't complain because if i got more money i would only spend it. it was logic i couldn't argue with. i nearly volunteered to work for free on the basis of it.
in a sense though he was right. have money: buy things. no money i make do with what i have.
a case in point would have been my most recent trip to waterstones (i was meeting a pal there), whenever i am in a bookshop i need to have a mouch around - within a few minutes i had seen at least 20 books i would have liked, and some i might even have read. no money. no books.
then there is sainsbury's - ah what a wonder sainsbury's is. i often stop by the stationery department and look at the pens, writing pads, diaries and such like (stationery is one of my least peculiar fetishes). no money. no pens.
yet it is really the toy section that gets my pulse racing. i like toys. i have far too many of them (no jay, not those sorts of toys). most of them are in boxes behind other boxes. sure there are a lot dotted around the flat for me to pick up and play with. so i will have a look at the toys. oooh look a new range of lego (now lego is one of those toys that shouts out luxury to me as i never owned lego i had the cheaper 'betta bilda' from airfix), oh wow they have hot wheels (a favourite of mine). then there are the wwe action figures. no money. no toys.
one thing i wouldn't be gettting (even if i had lots of cash spare) is the circular monopoly board. all i can ask is why? why? why? are the youth today just so taken in by needless change?
so there are times when i don' mind not having two pennies to rub together.
christmas is one of them.
searched
even i am shocked by the latest search to have been used to find the blog.
my audiene sinks ever lower.
"japanese girls eating and swallow shit".
i really must clean up my act.
my audiene sinks ever lower.
"japanese girls eating and swallow shit".
i really must clean up my act.
Friday, December 17, 2010
relief
while it didn't last as lot as the siege of mafeking the relief i felt when i finally carpet bombed the u-bend of my toilet would have been on a parr of baden-powell's when colonel b t mahon rolled into town.
at least i never got to use the quote "200 days, not out." as that would have been a very bad thing.
i am relieved.
you can all sleep easily now.
at least i never got to use the quote "200 days, not out." as that would have been a very bad thing.
i am relieved.
you can all sleep easily now.
dizzy
when nick clegg was a whippersnapper you can imagine him in the local park hogging the roundabout and just going around and around and around and around.
who would have thought that would be his attitude to policy when he became a politican. we have seen his change on tuition fees, less heralded was the liberals dropping fair pay transparency and now he is hinting at a volte face on the sheffield forgemaster's loan. the loan was refused because the government claimed that they didn't have the money to be able to loan forgemasters in order for them to build parts for nuclear power stations.
it was a loan. it was a labour government loan. it was a labou government loan to a company in sheffield a city of labour mps.
oh well that couldn't stand.
loan cancelled.
so no parts for nuclear power stations (which are going to be important to the low carbon targets), no extra manufacturing (which would help with the restructuring of the economy away from finance services), no extra jobs.
nice one.
while there was no money for forgemasters - lots more money was found to loan ireland, the chancellor must have found some loose change down the back of the sofa.
now nick is saying "maybe".
perhaps too late.
have to say all those people who jumped on the 'i agree with nick' bandwagon must be kicking themselves now.
don't worry i blame you all.
who would have thought that would be his attitude to policy when he became a politican. we have seen his change on tuition fees, less heralded was the liberals dropping fair pay transparency and now he is hinting at a volte face on the sheffield forgemaster's loan. the loan was refused because the government claimed that they didn't have the money to be able to loan forgemasters in order for them to build parts for nuclear power stations.
it was a loan. it was a labour government loan. it was a labou government loan to a company in sheffield a city of labour mps.
oh well that couldn't stand.
loan cancelled.
so no parts for nuclear power stations (which are going to be important to the low carbon targets), no extra manufacturing (which would help with the restructuring of the economy away from finance services), no extra jobs.
nice one.
while there was no money for forgemasters - lots more money was found to loan ireland, the chancellor must have found some loose change down the back of the sofa.
now nick is saying "maybe".
perhaps too late.
have to say all those people who jumped on the 'i agree with nick' bandwagon must be kicking themselves now.
don't worry i blame you all.
mourning
not often that i feel a twinge of sadness when a celebrity dies.
just learnt that don van vilet has died at the age of 69.
i discovered captain beefheart through the music of frank zappa. unlike zappa, who continued to make music up until his untimely death, beefheart had given up music to devote his time and energy to painting.
time to dig out my captain beefheart cds and have a listen to 'trout mask replica', 'doc at the radar station', 'shiny beast (bat chain puller)', 'bluejeans and moonbeams' and 'bongo fury' (with zappa) among others.
a nod of the head and a silent thanks to one of the true originals of music.
just learnt that don van vilet has died at the age of 69.
i discovered captain beefheart through the music of frank zappa. unlike zappa, who continued to make music up until his untimely death, beefheart had given up music to devote his time and energy to painting.
time to dig out my captain beefheart cds and have a listen to 'trout mask replica', 'doc at the radar station', 'shiny beast (bat chain puller)', 'bluejeans and moonbeams' and 'bongo fury' (with zappa) among others.
a nod of the head and a silent thanks to one of the true originals of music.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
fat
eating lunch at your computer keyboard can make you fat.
well there is another excuse for why i am fat.
apparently it is all down to being distracted. you can't remember what you have eaten, so you snack more later. similiar to those who eat meals while watching tv.
it is all about memory, which is more than remembering shopping lists, or where i left my glasses, it is all about how to walk, how to breathe and seemingly our appetites as well.
the findings are based on a study of 44 people. hardly conclusive i would argue.
all i can say is there must be a lot of distractions whenever i go out for a chinese.
(can't hang around - need to go snack.)
well there is another excuse for why i am fat.
apparently it is all down to being distracted. you can't remember what you have eaten, so you snack more later. similiar to those who eat meals while watching tv.
it is all about memory, which is more than remembering shopping lists, or where i left my glasses, it is all about how to walk, how to breathe and seemingly our appetites as well.
the findings are based on a study of 44 people. hardly conclusive i would argue.
all i can say is there must be a lot of distractions whenever i go out for a chinese.
(can't hang around - need to go snack.)
snow
had a little dusting of snow this evening.
didn't settle. i am wondering if we will get the artic conditions that they have been promising. seems quite warm tonight.
i know i shouldn't want more snow as i should be thinking of all those people who will not be getting their presents or cards this christmas because amazon, play, tesco and sainsbury's just can't promise to get stuff to them.
well as i don't have an order in with any of them - let it snow.
didn't settle. i am wondering if we will get the artic conditions that they have been promising. seems quite warm tonight.
i know i shouldn't want more snow as i should be thinking of all those people who will not be getting their presents or cards this christmas because amazon, play, tesco and sainsbury's just can't promise to get stuff to them.
well as i don't have an order in with any of them - let it snow.
bound
still waiting.
still hatching the toilet.
still not dropped the bomb.
soon be time for medicine.
still hatching the toilet.
still not dropped the bomb.
soon be time for medicine.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
blockage
at the moment i am bound over. there has been no bowel movement for awhile. just for an added twist i seem to have a tummy rumble that is most often associated with the squits. it means that i have the urge to poo. i rush to the toilet. i sit in the hope to shit. i sit. i sit. i sit. no shit.
luckily for me i quite like reading on the throne – even in the deep cold of the winter.
so i sit. sit and read. read and sit. no shit.
the graphic novel i was reading was ok.
what was that? a movement? a ripple? breathe, breathe. give it a push. puuuush. puuuush. a veil of red covers my eyes, muscles in my jaws quivering, veins in my forehead bulging. puuuush. puuuush. nothing happening.
now what? legs have gone dead. trapped on the bog.
if i die now i would be like elvis presley.
twenty minutes later i give up the ghost.
still bound over, but hoping for the inevitable eruption.
luckily for me i quite like reading on the throne – even in the deep cold of the winter.
so i sit. sit and read. read and sit. no shit.
the graphic novel i was reading was ok.
what was that? a movement? a ripple? breathe, breathe. give it a push. puuuush. puuuush. a veil of red covers my eyes, muscles in my jaws quivering, veins in my forehead bulging. puuuush. puuuush. nothing happening.
now what? legs have gone dead. trapped on the bog.
if i die now i would be like elvis presley.
twenty minutes later i give up the ghost.
still bound over, but hoping for the inevitable eruption.
ed
ed miliband hasn’t really set the world alight. i have not had reason to get excited by his leadership, some guff about listening to the people, while in the background there is the constant hubbub of leadership battles.
but then today while reading a report on the politics website i get to read “the two men continue to show considerable dislike towards each other, and each pmqs session seems to represent a gradual deterioration in the tone of their exchanges.”
so ed has as much regard for david cameron as i do! fantastic.
ed is the man for me.
go! ed go!
but then today while reading a report on the politics website i get to read “the two men continue to show considerable dislike towards each other, and each pmqs session seems to represent a gradual deterioration in the tone of their exchanges.”
so ed has as much regard for david cameron as i do! fantastic.
ed is the man for me.
go! ed go!
suffering
tis the season to be pitiless.
call out amnesty they are needed to prevent torture on an industrial scale.
there i am in sainsbury’s, doing the shopping, pottering around trying to find the bits and pieces i need for mortal sustenance. when i realise my ears are being punished by the sounds of christmas, piped through the speakers. anodyne pop prattle with a christmassy theme.
unusual punishment for shoppers.
a cruel yule.
call out amnesty they are needed to prevent torture on an industrial scale.
there i am in sainsbury’s, doing the shopping, pottering around trying to find the bits and pieces i need for mortal sustenance. when i realise my ears are being punished by the sounds of christmas, piped through the speakers. anodyne pop prattle with a christmassy theme.
unusual punishment for shoppers.
a cruel yule.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
wondering
i am not a big fan of the rolling stones. they have done some stuff i like, like the beatles i can quite happily pass on hearing their music.
to many keith richards is most famous for being the inspiration behind johnny depp's portrayal of captain jack in the 'pirates of the carribean" movies (how wrong people are - they have never met my old boss, if captain jack is a homage to anyone it was to him). keith has released his biography, and a big book it is too (at least he has a fair few years under his belt to talk about, unlike so many of the celeb biogs that infest the shelves of shops at this time of year). from what the reviews have said it seems to be very laddish: drugs i did, birds i shagged and how i don't like mick. (sorry have i ruined it for you?)
i noticed the other that there is an audio version of the book out (cripes just how long do audio books go on for? days it seems). naturally it is read by johnny depp.
now i haven't been able to stop wondering if he does it in his capt'n jack voice.
i hope he is.
not that i am ever going to listen to it.
to many keith richards is most famous for being the inspiration behind johnny depp's portrayal of captain jack in the 'pirates of the carribean" movies (how wrong people are - they have never met my old boss, if captain jack is a homage to anyone it was to him). keith has released his biography, and a big book it is too (at least he has a fair few years under his belt to talk about, unlike so many of the celeb biogs that infest the shelves of shops at this time of year). from what the reviews have said it seems to be very laddish: drugs i did, birds i shagged and how i don't like mick. (sorry have i ruined it for you?)
i noticed the other that there is an audio version of the book out (cripes just how long do audio books go on for? days it seems). naturally it is read by johnny depp.
now i haven't been able to stop wondering if he does it in his capt'n jack voice.
i hope he is.
not that i am ever going to listen to it.
missing
never thought i would say this: but i am missing hearing digby jones on the radio in the early morning.
there i would coming slowly out of slumber, the sky still dark and 5live would have its early morning finance programme on. digby would pop up and say something that would get me mad at him.
he was better than coffee.
i am sire the new head of the cbi will be able to irritate me just as well.
there i would coming slowly out of slumber, the sky still dark and 5live would have its early morning finance programme on. digby would pop up and say something that would get me mad at him.
he was better than coffee.
i am sire the new head of the cbi will be able to irritate me just as well.
searched
this blog has been found by the following search:
как увеличить член в домашних условиях скачать.
it is probably russian for enema.
как увеличить член в домашних условиях скачать.
it is probably russian for enema.
Monday, December 13, 2010
snow
london to get more snow on thursday. apparently.
white christmas a foregone conclusion. supposedly.
might need to get another duvet.
(but then who can trust the weather forecast?)
white christmas a foregone conclusion. supposedly.
might need to get another duvet.
(but then who can trust the weather forecast?)
wanker
you have to love the tories.
no matter how hard they try to change public opinion of them, no matter how they try to put the image of the nasty party behind they are shot in the foot by one of their own.
step forward david shakespeare with his comment: “the north may replace the romanians in the cherry orchards.” rather than an off the cuff, got caught out in a dinner party type gaff, this was delivered at a local government association meeting that was discussing how local councils should deal with the lengthening dole queues.
a spokesman for the conservative party said that mr. shakespeare did not represent the views of the conservative party, but they were not going to discipline him. i am tempted to say that the spokesman meant to say "official views", while tapping his finger against his nose.
still i am sure that if mr. shakespeare had a moment or two to compose a follow up he would suggest that it would be good for those northerners just sitting around on the dole, feeling sorry for themselves, this fruit picking business not only gives them meaningful work (picking fruits for their betters) but it would also allow them to have a family holiday in the south (mr. shakespeare would be happy to turn a blind eye to child labour).
it would just like the good old days.
flat caps for everyone.
altogether now: doff.
no matter how hard they try to change public opinion of them, no matter how they try to put the image of the nasty party behind they are shot in the foot by one of their own.
step forward david shakespeare with his comment: “the north may replace the romanians in the cherry orchards.” rather than an off the cuff, got caught out in a dinner party type gaff, this was delivered at a local government association meeting that was discussing how local councils should deal with the lengthening dole queues.
a spokesman for the conservative party said that mr. shakespeare did not represent the views of the conservative party, but they were not going to discipline him. i am tempted to say that the spokesman meant to say "official views", while tapping his finger against his nose.
still i am sure that if mr. shakespeare had a moment or two to compose a follow up he would suggest that it would be good for those northerners just sitting around on the dole, feeling sorry for themselves, this fruit picking business not only gives them meaningful work (picking fruits for their betters) but it would also allow them to have a family holiday in the south (mr. shakespeare would be happy to turn a blind eye to child labour).
it would just like the good old days.
flat caps for everyone.
altogether now: doff.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
loans
i have not been following the student loan debate.
i confess that my sympathy for the students withered when they rioted at milbank, nor have the subsequent actions helped their cause as far as i am concerned.
i feel a little guilty over this, if only because i was one of the lucky ones to get a grant to do my degree.
if the coalition is to be believed (which i know is a pretty hard thing to swallow), an awful lot of students will be better off under the new system. they will not have to pay up front fees and they won’t start paying until they start earning £21,000 a year.
during the run up to the vote the coalition was often heard to say that not all students would pay back the full amount.
that always sounded odd to me.
now the independent are saying that they have seen a report, which states that the coalition is only expect 25% of graduates to pay back the full amount of their loan. while 60% will never pay back in full.
now i am no math genius, it seems to me that a system that results in just 25% of full payments is inherently flawed.
if i have understood it all the basic idea is as follows: universities need more cash in order to improve, the ‘fairest’ way to do this is to allow them to charge more for tuition and as students are responsible for tuition fees then all is well.
or it would be if the students were going to be paying it all back, but if the coalition is saying only 25% are going to be paying back then it means that the universities are going to be losing out on all those unpaid loans.
the students are going to be lumbered with debt.
it doesn’t seem to make economic sense – if the universities need more funding then they need that money to be paid back, so a default rate of over 50% just means they are going to be short of cash.
it doesn’t seem to make much educational sense – if the fees are too high fewer people are likely to opt for university. fewer students less cash for the universities, less brains to create economic wealth.
the only way it makes sense is if this is an ideological attack on the education system, where access to university is limited only to the rich. not that the conservatives would ever do such a thing.
my solution? increase the fees less and make sure that you get the repayment rate closer to 90%. and just to add in my own little ideological twist – if you have been at a fee paying school, then you don’t need a loan, you can pay the full whack each term when you at university.
priority
you have to admire the daily telegraph for their sense of priority.
in a story about how the con/dem coalition's plan to cut funding to the coastguard and rescue services (including selling off the search and rescue operation to a french-american consortium. what is it about the tories, that for all their talk about being one-nation tories, for all their wrapping themselves in the union flag they love selling off parts of the country to foreigners?)
so members of the coastguard are worried about the number of lives that may be put at risk by these moves, arguing that the lives of sailors and holidaymakers at risk.
seems serious to me.
on the other hand the daily telegraph want us to know that these changes will not affect prince william, as his tour of duty will end before the changes take place.
good to know that he won't be troubled.
i feel safer already.
in a story about how the con/dem coalition's plan to cut funding to the coastguard and rescue services (including selling off the search and rescue operation to a french-american consortium. what is it about the tories, that for all their talk about being one-nation tories, for all their wrapping themselves in the union flag they love selling off parts of the country to foreigners?)
so members of the coastguard are worried about the number of lives that may be put at risk by these moves, arguing that the lives of sailors and holidaymakers at risk.
seems serious to me.
on the other hand the daily telegraph want us to know that these changes will not affect prince william, as his tour of duty will end before the changes take place.
good to know that he won't be troubled.
i feel safer already.
Friday, December 10, 2010
walking
i like to walk (walk i said, walk. get you minds out of the gutters). it is the closest i come to exercise these days. sometimes i walk from home into the west end and then back again. not only does it keep me fit (well as fit as i am likely to be) walking is a great way to see the city, you go at your own pace, you can take your own diversions (on in my case just get lost), stop and looking at the surprising things you can see when you are on foot.
now i was going to go on about a small piece i had recently read in the daily telegraph about how walkers have a much better quality of life than others, how walkers strolling around to the their friends/ the shop/ the pub help raise the ‘social capital’ of the community. the piece concludes with people who walk have more friends and get on with their neighbours.
hah ha i thought and has my mental chuckle died done i was left with the thought i was the exception that proves the rule (i still don’t understand how that works).
being a good boy i wanted to check that i had gotten it right, so i go looking for the article. can’t find it, either i am stupid (very possible) or the telegraph has a shit search facility (quite likely), or they have hidden the piece in some arcane section of the website that is only accessible on the night of a full moon while you juggle peeled carrots (it could happen).
however i did local an abstract of the study that the telegraph was talking about and it turns out that it is not quite the same as the telegraph said (or my recollection of what the telegraph said). what the study found was that people who lived in more walkable communities are more civically involved and demonstrated a greater level of trust than those who live in less walkable neighbourhoods. which on the face of it reasonable – if you are out walking, and others in the area are doing the same there is more interaction.
so not quite the same thing as the telegraph was saying.
big deal i can hear you say. why are we still here then?
well it just so happens i have an amusing anecdote about my walk of today.
it started off in liverpool street, over to old street, down clerkenwell, then up farringdon road, a miscalculation on my part meaning i got a little lost before i ended at the gallery i was trying to see. turns out that was a waste of time. from there down the euston road where i get to see the police arrest a chap, wasn’t very exciting at all. turn into tottenham court road and then great titchfield street and long stroll down to the royal academy in piccadilly.
it was not the most direct of routes.
coming out of the exhibition i decided i would take a more straightforward route home: oxford street, new oxford street, (walking like the clappers) high holborn, holborn viaduct, (still at a fair pace) newgate street, cheapside (stopped to admire new shopping centre type thing and to have a drink of water), poultry (slowing down), cornhill (slower), leadenhall (ambling), aldgate high street (trudging) and home.
where is the amusing anecdote you ask?
well before i set off on the trek i was looking in the window of a shop in kingly street when a slurry voice asks me about the bike i ride. i tell him i don’t ride a bike and we start talking music. chat, chit, jibber and jabber. he was a big nirvana fan, but like dance and paul weller, hey he liked all music even cher off the x-factor. he has finished his can of lager and has started on another. his brother comes over; he is selling ‘the big issue’. i learn there is twenty years between them. we all continue to chat about music. a pretty italian girl comes up to us to ask where a particular pub is. we all struggle to make head or tail of the map. eventually we get her to where she wants to go (it was the first turning on the left from where we were).
i take this opportunity to tell them that it is time for me to go as i have a long walk home. they ask where i was going i tell them, ah to be sure they only live around the corner from there and why would you want to walk that far. i need the exercise and besides, i joke, i don’t have enough for the bus fare.
too which they say ‘here take two quid and get a bus home’.
so there i am trying to tell one slightly pissed irishman and his ‘big issue’ selling brother that no it is was fine and i couldn’t take the money from them as it wasn’t a problem to walk and i had planned on doing it.
don’t be so proud they told me. luckily they didn’t insist and we parted with handshakes and merry christmases all round (after they had also offered me a spliff).
all though slightly mortified that they had offered me the cash, it did reaffirm my faith in the milk of human kindness.
around the end of poultry i was thinking to myself: “should have taken the cash”.
(yeah ok it wasn’t that amusing. or even interesting)
Thursday, December 09, 2010
disappointed
google has released figures for its top searches of 2010.
so you can see who are 'fastest rising people' - which seems to be a list of people i have never heard of, well except alexander mcqueen (which is odd as when it comes to clothes i don't think it gets much better than peacocks). top divorces, again a bunch of people i haven't heard of, the ones i knew about i wasn't even sure they were married. top tickets, cheapest things, fastest rising lyrics (no surprises in realising that i have never heard of any of the songs).
then there is the overall most searched for. winners include facebook, bbc and youtube - which seem to indicate that as brands they are not as all encompassing as you would have thought.
then there are the i want/ who is/ i feel categories - which just leave me thinking that i am old and that the internet has passed me by.
but the real disappointment was that there was no listing for the top ten porn sites, well have to check to see if there are any i have missed.
yet even worse there is no listing for iampat. gutted. crestfallen.
off to have a cry.
so you can see who are 'fastest rising people' - which seems to be a list of people i have never heard of, well except alexander mcqueen (which is odd as when it comes to clothes i don't think it gets much better than peacocks). top divorces, again a bunch of people i haven't heard of, the ones i knew about i wasn't even sure they were married. top tickets, cheapest things, fastest rising lyrics (no surprises in realising that i have never heard of any of the songs).
then there is the overall most searched for. winners include facebook, bbc and youtube - which seem to indicate that as brands they are not as all encompassing as you would have thought.
then there are the i want/ who is/ i feel categories - which just leave me thinking that i am old and that the internet has passed me by.
but the real disappointment was that there was no listing for the top ten porn sites, well have to check to see if there are any i have missed.
yet even worse there is no listing for iampat. gutted. crestfallen.
off to have a cry.
watching
die hard 2.
still great after all these years.
think it is time for me to watch some weepies.
still great after all these years.
think it is time for me to watch some weepies.
quote
in a report about the possibilty of a new google tablet - their version of the ipad - an expert was saying that the tablets are jacks of all trades and masters of none.
that a new tablet has to give purchasers a reason to buy a tablet.
the amazon kindle on the other hand knows what it is and what it does: it allows you to read books on it.
this is what the expert said.
'The Amazon Kindle e-reader, however, is perfectly clear in what it can do, how it can do it and taps into an activity that most of the world’s population are already literate with.’
indeed because if they were not then the kindle would be pretty useless to them.
that a new tablet has to give purchasers a reason to buy a tablet.
the amazon kindle on the other hand knows what it is and what it does: it allows you to read books on it.
this is what the expert said.
'The Amazon Kindle e-reader, however, is perfectly clear in what it can do, how it can do it and taps into an activity that most of the world’s population are already literate with.’
indeed because if they were not then the kindle would be pretty useless to them.
Wednesday, December 08, 2010
cold
showing my age.
feeling the cold.
just dug out a second duvet.
should be roasty toasty under two of them.
feeling the cold.
just dug out a second duvet.
should be roasty toasty under two of them.
tins
i have become a fan of sainsbury's basic line. cheap and cheerful. if like me you can't (won't) cook and what matters is more the quantity than the quality then the basic line hits the spot.
(so if you were wondering what to get me for christmas - you can skip jamie's thirty minute meals; in that time i have been to the shops, got back, zapped it in the microwave and eaten it.)
anyway.
some of you may have seen various science fiction or conspiracy movies where something dangerous is buried in oil drums, only for the oil drum to split and the evil liquid is spilled into the water only for it to kill the locals or turn them into slavering zombies.
well i tell you what - next time they want to bury something and not have it escape they want to go get in touch with the peope who make the tins for sainsbury's basic baked beans. what a struggle i had trying to get that tin open. you wouldn't mind if what was inside was worth the effort, or it was some rare truffle that a bored businessman squanders a hundred thousand pounds on (think of the pizzas i could have delivered with that) but no just cheap and cheerful baked beans.
i suspect i would have had an easier time hacking into mastercard (ooh topical) than i did opening that sodding can of baked beans.
so sainsbury's when you give up on the basics line you can always turn your hand to manufacturer containers for hazardous waste.
(oh and the beans were ok, when i eventually got them out of the can.)
(so if you were wondering what to get me for christmas - you can skip jamie's thirty minute meals; in that time i have been to the shops, got back, zapped it in the microwave and eaten it.)
anyway.
some of you may have seen various science fiction or conspiracy movies where something dangerous is buried in oil drums, only for the oil drum to split and the evil liquid is spilled into the water only for it to kill the locals or turn them into slavering zombies.
well i tell you what - next time they want to bury something and not have it escape they want to go get in touch with the peope who make the tins for sainsbury's basic baked beans. what a struggle i had trying to get that tin open. you wouldn't mind if what was inside was worth the effort, or it was some rare truffle that a bored businessman squanders a hundred thousand pounds on (think of the pizzas i could have delivered with that) but no just cheap and cheerful baked beans.
i suspect i would have had an easier time hacking into mastercard (ooh topical) than i did opening that sodding can of baked beans.
so sainsbury's when you give up on the basics line you can always turn your hand to manufacturer containers for hazardous waste.
(oh and the beans were ok, when i eventually got them out of the can.)
watching
another way you can tell it is christmas is that i start watching favourite movies.
tonight it is 'die hard', not that i wait until the end of the year to watch it and savour it, it being one of my favourite movies.
right now it kicks off my christmas season of favourite movies the one time when doris day, orson welles, bruce willis, jason statham, jet li, steven seagal and jean claude van dammer all come out and play together.
"welcome to the party pal."
"yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker"
tonight it is 'die hard', not that i wait until the end of the year to watch it and savour it, it being one of my favourite movies.
right now it kicks off my christmas season of favourite movies the one time when doris day, orson welles, bruce willis, jason statham, jet li, steven seagal and jean claude van dammer all come out and play together.
"welcome to the party pal."
"yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker"
Tuesday, December 07, 2010
christmas
you always know when christmas has arrived. it is not by the cheap and tacky decorations that go up, nor perennial argument about the meaning of christmas or the disappearance of it, nor is it the arrival of tins and boxes of chocolates.
no you know when christmas is here when the shelves are bulging with comedy dvds and comedy books. who knew there were so many comedians out there who seem to be famous. i can't say if any of them are funny as i never watch them.
the comedy books seem to be that mix of annuals (funny text with funny pictures) or just funny text. a quick skim through most of them proves either that i have no sense of humour (very probable) or that writers of the books are not as funny as they think that are (very possible).
shock of shocks there i was looking at the new al murray 'pub landlord's great british pub quiz book' and blow me down but a quick skim through it and bugger me silly but i chuckled and i chortled.
must be the cold and old age getting to me.
no you know when christmas is here when the shelves are bulging with comedy dvds and comedy books. who knew there were so many comedians out there who seem to be famous. i can't say if any of them are funny as i never watch them.
the comedy books seem to be that mix of annuals (funny text with funny pictures) or just funny text. a quick skim through most of them proves either that i have no sense of humour (very probable) or that writers of the books are not as funny as they think that are (very possible).
shock of shocks there i was looking at the new al murray 'pub landlord's great british pub quiz book' and blow me down but a quick skim through it and bugger me silly but i chuckled and i chortled.
must be the cold and old age getting to me.
leaks
david icke has spent years telling us that the world is under the control of the babylonian brotherhood, that many of the great and good of the world are in fact lizards, some of whom eat live babies.
he publishes books (still haven't got the last one), does tours (never been able to get a ticket), makes dvds (never watched one) and has a website (a favourite).
what does he get for all of this?
sneers, derision and even more sneers.
julian assange sets up a web site in order to act as a place for whistleblowers to publish the darker secrets of their companies, or governments. it might be argued that some of the more recent releases have little to do with dark secrets and more to do with the ineptitude of governments and people in places of power.
what does he get for this?
he gets accused of sexual assault and much effort has been putting into taking wikileaks off the internet.
we all know where david icke needs to go to find his next big conspiracy, it is being played out in the english courts.
he publishes books (still haven't got the last one), does tours (never been able to get a ticket), makes dvds (never watched one) and has a website (a favourite).
what does he get for all of this?
sneers, derision and even more sneers.
julian assange sets up a web site in order to act as a place for whistleblowers to publish the darker secrets of their companies, or governments. it might be argued that some of the more recent releases have little to do with dark secrets and more to do with the ineptitude of governments and people in places of power.
what does he get for this?
he gets accused of sexual assault and much effort has been putting into taking wikileaks off the internet.
we all know where david icke needs to go to find his next big conspiracy, it is being played out in the english courts.
ashes
england have won the second game of the ashes series. they are one nil up and three to play, they just have to win one more game and they retain the ashes.
don't feel at all elated by the win. not because i don't like cricket (i don't: it is a dull sport - my rule on sport is that if it involves a bat, racket, stick or some other implement to hit or strike a ball then invariably the game is dull). i don't feel elated because australian cricket if pretty well ... i wouldn't give a XXXX for it (see how clever i am).
beating them is like playing a blind man at noughts and crosses.
still nice to wipe the grins of their smug faces.
(this short blog was for richard.)
don't feel at all elated by the win. not because i don't like cricket (i don't: it is a dull sport - my rule on sport is that if it involves a bat, racket, stick or some other implement to hit or strike a ball then invariably the game is dull). i don't feel elated because australian cricket if pretty well ... i wouldn't give a XXXX for it (see how clever i am).
beating them is like playing a blind man at noughts and crosses.
still nice to wipe the grins of their smug faces.
(this short blog was for richard.)
Monday, December 06, 2010
employment
just recently the government brought in a cap on non-eu migrant workers.
business leaders were up in arms (no surprises there); they argued that without the ability to bring in skilled labour from overseas there was a chance that uk plc would lose its position in the world economy.
now let’s get this straight. what the business leaders are saying is that there are not enough skilled people in the uk to fill their jobs, nor are there enough skilled people in the whole of the european union to fill those positions. this means that they have to go elsewhere to find those skilled employees.
i find that hard to believe. a friend of mine, who is in a high-tech industry, tells me that it is hard to get the right people. which goes to show what i know.
yet (not giving up on the theme) one of the problems seems to be that the clever bods here are going elsewhere, such as the usa, which implies that they have a lack of specialists over there, except these are the sort of people that business wants to be able to bring over here. odd really.
the welfare to work programme i attend has an american in charge of it, basically he is an office manager – there are probably several hundred unemployed people on their books who can do that job.
think of all the spokesmen from various think tanks that pop up on the tv or the radio who are not from the uk and not from the eu. then ask yourself just how ‘vital’, how ‘specialised’ their roles are?
the keen eyed among you might be shouting and pointing “daily mail reader, daily mail reader.” not sure i can defend myself against that accusation in this instance.
why am i writing about it now?
spies in westminster is why.
quite why russian spies would want to be involved with the liberal demoncrats (this was a spelling mistake on my part, but i like it) is one that will remain shrouded in mystery: surely even the russian’s know that the liberal democrats will say one thing and do another.
anyway there is mr. nick hancock, the liberal democrat mp for portsmouth south embroiled in a spying fiasco, as there are claims that his russian parliamentary aide is a spy (cue dramatic music). it appears that mr. hancock has a thing for east european women and has often had them as aides (phnarr phnarr).
mr. hancock says of katia zatuliveter "i have no reason to believe she did any thing but act honourably during the time she was working for me.”
mr. hancock sits on house of commons defence select committee.
he says miss zatuliveter was not involved in any sensitive work. remember this; not involved in any sensitive work. she has been known to show constituents around the house of commons and some have described her as very nice and very intelligent.
a couple of members of parliament were on the radio ‘defending’ mr. hancock and basically it came down to the fact that most backbenchers are not privy to sensitive material, that in fact most of their work was dull and dealt with local issues.
so we have she didn’t deal with anything sensitive add that to the fact that most backbench mps deal with local matters. so you have to wonder why, in this case, mr. hancock felt the need to have a russian aide? wasn’t there a suitable local candidate who could have worked with mr. hancock in the house of commons? after all someone from his local area would know the issues that related to his constituency and would be able to chat amiably with constituents who came to visit their mp in his place of work.
william hague, the coalition government’s foreign secretary, knows a thing or two about hiring aides has said that there is nothing wrong with mps employing foreign-born staff many of whom, he went on to say, did outstanding work.
i am sure they do.
i am also sure that there are more than enough political wannabes from the uk who would love to be a political aide to an mp, to get their first taste of the corridors of power.
if there is one place where gordon brown’s “british jobs for british workers” slogan could easily be put into practice then it has to be the houses of parliament.
after all what are the dears to do when they come out of university? while it may sound like a facetiously made point, it is still valid. what is the point of encouraging people to go to university if as a country we are happy to import talent?
i know i know the counter argument is strong; it is persuasive and only goes so far up the pole. what is the argument? that we need the best people for the jobs, without the best we fall behind. strange how this is never taken to its logical conclusion that maybe, just maybe those in charge are not quite up to it and that actually in those far off foreign lands that we wish to import the cheap labour from or outsource the work to there is a chief executive officer just waiting for his chance.
why stop there? bill clinton and george bush are a loss with what to do with themselves. i am sure nelson mandela has some spare time. i reckon that before she cleans up burma aung san suu kyi could rediscover her political legs by doing a turn over here.
so why not just get the best politicians in as well?
let’s be fair they can’t do a worse job than the lot we have, and as they keep telling us: we need the best for the job.
or maybe the politicians can take a look at themselves and do their bit for the economy and the jobs market and look to employ british staff.
just a thought.
business leaders were up in arms (no surprises there); they argued that without the ability to bring in skilled labour from overseas there was a chance that uk plc would lose its position in the world economy.
now let’s get this straight. what the business leaders are saying is that there are not enough skilled people in the uk to fill their jobs, nor are there enough skilled people in the whole of the european union to fill those positions. this means that they have to go elsewhere to find those skilled employees.
i find that hard to believe. a friend of mine, who is in a high-tech industry, tells me that it is hard to get the right people. which goes to show what i know.
yet (not giving up on the theme) one of the problems seems to be that the clever bods here are going elsewhere, such as the usa, which implies that they have a lack of specialists over there, except these are the sort of people that business wants to be able to bring over here. odd really.
the welfare to work programme i attend has an american in charge of it, basically he is an office manager – there are probably several hundred unemployed people on their books who can do that job.
think of all the spokesmen from various think tanks that pop up on the tv or the radio who are not from the uk and not from the eu. then ask yourself just how ‘vital’, how ‘specialised’ their roles are?
the keen eyed among you might be shouting and pointing “daily mail reader, daily mail reader.” not sure i can defend myself against that accusation in this instance.
why am i writing about it now?
spies in westminster is why.
quite why russian spies would want to be involved with the liberal demoncrats (this was a spelling mistake on my part, but i like it) is one that will remain shrouded in mystery: surely even the russian’s know that the liberal democrats will say one thing and do another.
anyway there is mr. nick hancock, the liberal democrat mp for portsmouth south embroiled in a spying fiasco, as there are claims that his russian parliamentary aide is a spy (cue dramatic music). it appears that mr. hancock has a thing for east european women and has often had them as aides (phnarr phnarr).
mr. hancock says of katia zatuliveter "i have no reason to believe she did any thing but act honourably during the time she was working for me.”
mr. hancock sits on house of commons defence select committee.
he says miss zatuliveter was not involved in any sensitive work. remember this; not involved in any sensitive work. she has been known to show constituents around the house of commons and some have described her as very nice and very intelligent.
a couple of members of parliament were on the radio ‘defending’ mr. hancock and basically it came down to the fact that most backbenchers are not privy to sensitive material, that in fact most of their work was dull and dealt with local issues.
so we have she didn’t deal with anything sensitive add that to the fact that most backbench mps deal with local matters. so you have to wonder why, in this case, mr. hancock felt the need to have a russian aide? wasn’t there a suitable local candidate who could have worked with mr. hancock in the house of commons? after all someone from his local area would know the issues that related to his constituency and would be able to chat amiably with constituents who came to visit their mp in his place of work.
william hague, the coalition government’s foreign secretary, knows a thing or two about hiring aides has said that there is nothing wrong with mps employing foreign-born staff many of whom, he went on to say, did outstanding work.
i am sure they do.
i am also sure that there are more than enough political wannabes from the uk who would love to be a political aide to an mp, to get their first taste of the corridors of power.
if there is one place where gordon brown’s “british jobs for british workers” slogan could easily be put into practice then it has to be the houses of parliament.
after all what are the dears to do when they come out of university? while it may sound like a facetiously made point, it is still valid. what is the point of encouraging people to go to university if as a country we are happy to import talent?
i know i know the counter argument is strong; it is persuasive and only goes so far up the pole. what is the argument? that we need the best people for the jobs, without the best we fall behind. strange how this is never taken to its logical conclusion that maybe, just maybe those in charge are not quite up to it and that actually in those far off foreign lands that we wish to import the cheap labour from or outsource the work to there is a chief executive officer just waiting for his chance.
why stop there? bill clinton and george bush are a loss with what to do with themselves. i am sure nelson mandela has some spare time. i reckon that before she cleans up burma aung san suu kyi could rediscover her political legs by doing a turn over here.
so why not just get the best politicians in as well?
let’s be fair they can’t do a worse job than the lot we have, and as they keep telling us: we need the best for the job.
or maybe the politicians can take a look at themselves and do their bit for the economy and the jobs market and look to employ british staff.
just a thought.
Sunday, December 05, 2010
petty
the joy of england thumping australia down under in the ashes has been somewhat dulled by the ongoing rumbling of the failed english world cup bid.
recriminations and accusations are thrown about. oh we are too arrogant, we were just expecting it to be given to us, it was our media wot lost it (see what i did there?). none of this really comes close to the real reason. even to the casual follower of sports politics it is obvious that sepp blatter and his pals have no love for the english and that pesky english premier league, and that meant there as much chance of them giving it to england as there was of the sainted bobby moore coming back to captain the national team.
(oh and no doubt there was a rouble or two going to the fifa members to make sure that they voted the right way.)
still done is done.
no use crying over spilt milk.
step forward boris johnson to demonstrate that he has a full understanding of how to be petty, and i have seen some experts in the art of petty (no names no pack drill),
boris has cancelled the offer of a free stay in the rather plush and exclusive dorchester hotel for fifa executives during the 2012 olympics.
now to a lot of people such an act of petty revenge is just a pointless act.
not i.
boris johnson: i salute you.
(not only are you slapping the beastly fifa in the face, but you are saving the money of the london taxpayer.)
now if only seb coe was to follow suit and tells sepp and co. that they have to buy their own olympic tickets then that would be perfect.
(these could be the reasons why i am not in charge of the country.)
recriminations and accusations are thrown about. oh we are too arrogant, we were just expecting it to be given to us, it was our media wot lost it (see what i did there?). none of this really comes close to the real reason. even to the casual follower of sports politics it is obvious that sepp blatter and his pals have no love for the english and that pesky english premier league, and that meant there as much chance of them giving it to england as there was of the sainted bobby moore coming back to captain the national team.
(oh and no doubt there was a rouble or two going to the fifa members to make sure that they voted the right way.)
still done is done.
no use crying over spilt milk.
step forward boris johnson to demonstrate that he has a full understanding of how to be petty, and i have seen some experts in the art of petty (no names no pack drill),
boris has cancelled the offer of a free stay in the rather plush and exclusive dorchester hotel for fifa executives during the 2012 olympics.
now to a lot of people such an act of petty revenge is just a pointless act.
not i.
boris johnson: i salute you.
(not only are you slapping the beastly fifa in the face, but you are saving the money of the london taxpayer.)
now if only seb coe was to follow suit and tells sepp and co. that they have to buy their own olympic tickets then that would be perfect.
(these could be the reasons why i am not in charge of the country.)
Friday, December 03, 2010
browsing
read an article about the internet the other day. it was on about a way some internet companies can track and use your web history for their advantage.
the unscrupulous bastards.
in the article they said that these companies were exploiting a bug in the browser software.
given that one of the biggest collectors and users of this information are porn sites, i am not that bothered after all they are justing to find out my internet use is pretty dull bbc, porn, porn, bing, more porn, porn again, daily mail some more porn, blog, back to porn, bit more porn and last bit of porn. see classy use of the internet.
the article goes on saying that browsers are aware of this issue. that safari and mozilla have dealt with it.
internet explorer has gone some way to dealing with it via its new 'inprivate' browsing. oddly 'inprivate' doesn't seem to be something you can set up as part of the standard running of internet explorer.
so they know there is a bug, and they provide a solution, but you have to remember to turn it on every time you open the browser to search. nice work microsoft.
it is not that i mind web companies having my browsing information - as i have said it is very dull reading (for them, great pictures for me), i just don't want them using that information and all i get back in return is a cleverly targeted ad.
yeah great.
however if apple want to send me an ipad that would be fine (the ipad is much better than the kindle: porn in black and white may as well be art) and that would be a great use of web companies looking at my browsing history.
the unscrupulous bastards.
in the article they said that these companies were exploiting a bug in the browser software.
given that one of the biggest collectors and users of this information are porn sites, i am not that bothered after all they are justing to find out my internet use is pretty dull bbc, porn, porn, bing, more porn, porn again, daily mail some more porn, blog, back to porn, bit more porn and last bit of porn. see classy use of the internet.
the article goes on saying that browsers are aware of this issue. that safari and mozilla have dealt with it.
internet explorer has gone some way to dealing with it via its new 'inprivate' browsing. oddly 'inprivate' doesn't seem to be something you can set up as part of the standard running of internet explorer.
so they know there is a bug, and they provide a solution, but you have to remember to turn it on every time you open the browser to search. nice work microsoft.
it is not that i mind web companies having my browsing information - as i have said it is very dull reading (for them, great pictures for me), i just don't want them using that information and all i get back in return is a cleverly targeted ad.
yeah great.
however if apple want to send me an ipad that would be fine (the ipad is much better than the kindle: porn in black and white may as well be art) and that would be a great use of web companies looking at my browsing history.
Thursday, December 02, 2010
bojo
you may have noticed it has been snowing.
you may have also noticed that the snow has caused some problems – with warnings of apocalyptical proportions coming from some, if there is not a thaw soon.
who would have thought snow (so nice, so soft, so white, so fluffy, so cold: aaaah) could cause so many problems and so much consternation. probably those who nay-sayers who say: ‘but canada, switzerland, norway blah blah blah’ (pick a country, any country) deal with the snow so much better than we do (could it be, and i am just floating this as an idea, just a thought, y’know a brainstorming exercise thing: could it be that they are countries that have snow often and regularly? just saying).
while we get a lot of weather in the uk, we don’t get lots of extreme weather, which is why most drivers don’t have snow chains for their tyres, while most households don’t have snow shoes. why should we? not like we get this every year for very long.
yet come that first blast of snow “where are the gritters? where are they?”
you may have also noticed that england’s world cup bid came crashing down around our ears (quite why anyone thought that sepp blatter was going to let it happen is beyond me). in order to promote the bid the great and the good of england had pitched up in zurich to do the song and dance routine that fifa demand (done to the strains of liza minnelli singing ‘money’).
among the group was boorish johnson who i am sure was there to press the flesh and sing the wonders of london, rather than being there just for the jolly, after all it was just zurich. either way he was there.
boris is the mayor of london. it means he heads a very large team of people who administer the city. it doesn’t mean he is pounding the streets of london rescuing cats, and so sorting out every problem that befalls london.
yet the london evening standard reports that mr. johnson is being criticised for being in zurich. as his official spokesman has said “what else would he do other than get a shovel and move the snow himself? there's nothing he could do in london he can't do from here.” quite what is boris supposed to do when london city airport is closed, after all it is a private company. what was he supposed to do for the 100 stranded passengers who had to spend a night in a train – drive over to them and tell them stories? surely the question should be what are the overpaid executives of some of these companies doing? why haven’t they responded to the situation, why hadn’t they acted on the weather forecasts?
if this highlights a weakness in boris johnson’s administration it is that there seems to be no one who can step up and take responsibility when boris is not around.
still i am sure there will be some more snow this year and boris can leap into action to save the day, unless he is off on another junket.
you may have also noticed that the snow has caused some problems – with warnings of apocalyptical proportions coming from some, if there is not a thaw soon.
who would have thought snow (so nice, so soft, so white, so fluffy, so cold: aaaah) could cause so many problems and so much consternation. probably those who nay-sayers who say: ‘but canada, switzerland, norway blah blah blah’ (pick a country, any country) deal with the snow so much better than we do (could it be, and i am just floating this as an idea, just a thought, y’know a brainstorming exercise thing: could it be that they are countries that have snow often and regularly? just saying).
while we get a lot of weather in the uk, we don’t get lots of extreme weather, which is why most drivers don’t have snow chains for their tyres, while most households don’t have snow shoes. why should we? not like we get this every year for very long.
yet come that first blast of snow “where are the gritters? where are they?”
you may have also noticed that england’s world cup bid came crashing down around our ears (quite why anyone thought that sepp blatter was going to let it happen is beyond me). in order to promote the bid the great and the good of england had pitched up in zurich to do the song and dance routine that fifa demand (done to the strains of liza minnelli singing ‘money’).
among the group was boorish johnson who i am sure was there to press the flesh and sing the wonders of london, rather than being there just for the jolly, after all it was just zurich. either way he was there.
boris is the mayor of london. it means he heads a very large team of people who administer the city. it doesn’t mean he is pounding the streets of london rescuing cats, and so sorting out every problem that befalls london.
yet the london evening standard reports that mr. johnson is being criticised for being in zurich. as his official spokesman has said “what else would he do other than get a shovel and move the snow himself? there's nothing he could do in london he can't do from here.” quite what is boris supposed to do when london city airport is closed, after all it is a private company. what was he supposed to do for the 100 stranded passengers who had to spend a night in a train – drive over to them and tell them stories? surely the question should be what are the overpaid executives of some of these companies doing? why haven’t they responded to the situation, why hadn’t they acted on the weather forecasts?
if this highlights a weakness in boris johnson’s administration it is that there seems to be no one who can step up and take responsibility when boris is not around.
still i am sure there will be some more snow this year and boris can leap into action to save the day, unless he is off on another junket.
Wednesday, December 01, 2010
snow
snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow
i love snow.
just a shame i am getting old and i now feel the cold.
snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow
i love snow.
just a shame i am getting old and i now feel the cold.
snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow
tosser
today i nominate vince cable as a total tosser.
vince is the coalition's business secretary and he has been the architect of the coalition's new university tutions fees.
if what they say is true (and it being the coalition - it is hard to believe them) then the new arrangements seem reasonable. it strikes one as odd that cameron's government has been so bad at selling this particular policy, especially given how cameron was so happy to splash cash to make himself look very good to the media - he should have been spending the money on spinning (sorry i mean explaining) the tuition fees policies.
anyway back to vince.
before he was the business secretary of the coalition, he was the darling of the liberal democrats. we all liked vince. he told it like it was, he seemed to be a steady hand, and not a fuddy duddy.
vince was also against tuition fees. he even told the national union of students he was against fees. the students loved him.
now he is in power (an unusual position for the lib dems) and oops and he is all for tuition fees.
fees are good.
fees are wonderful.
fees will help everyone.
ok he might not be saying quite that.
students are not happy with the coalition. the students hate the conservatives, they are not overly keen on the liberal democrats.
the vote over the tuition fees is coming up. some of the liberals are going to vote against it. some are going to abstain.
what is vince going to do?
is he going to vote for the policy that he had a large part in creating?
or is he going to abstain?
we don't know, because vince isn't saying. he is teasing us.
this is what he says:
"my own personal instinct, partly because i'm the secretary of state responsible for universities and partly because i think the policy is right, my own instincts are very much to vote for it but we want to vote as a group."
in many political text books this is known as the 'having your cake and eat it' gambit.
vince just have the courage of your convictions - vote for the policy you created.
vince cable - today's tosser.
vince is the coalition's business secretary and he has been the architect of the coalition's new university tutions fees.
if what they say is true (and it being the coalition - it is hard to believe them) then the new arrangements seem reasonable. it strikes one as odd that cameron's government has been so bad at selling this particular policy, especially given how cameron was so happy to splash cash to make himself look very good to the media - he should have been spending the money on spinning (sorry i mean explaining) the tuition fees policies.
anyway back to vince.
before he was the business secretary of the coalition, he was the darling of the liberal democrats. we all liked vince. he told it like it was, he seemed to be a steady hand, and not a fuddy duddy.
vince was also against tuition fees. he even told the national union of students he was against fees. the students loved him.
now he is in power (an unusual position for the lib dems) and oops and he is all for tuition fees.
fees are good.
fees are wonderful.
fees will help everyone.
ok he might not be saying quite that.
students are not happy with the coalition. the students hate the conservatives, they are not overly keen on the liberal democrats.
the vote over the tuition fees is coming up. some of the liberals are going to vote against it. some are going to abstain.
what is vince going to do?
is he going to vote for the policy that he had a large part in creating?
or is he going to abstain?
we don't know, because vince isn't saying. he is teasing us.
this is what he says:
"my own personal instinct, partly because i'm the secretary of state responsible for universities and partly because i think the policy is right, my own instincts are very much to vote for it but we want to vote as a group."
in many political text books this is known as the 'having your cake and eat it' gambit.
vince just have the courage of your convictions - vote for the policy you created.
vince cable - today's tosser.
50k
a while back i mentioned i was going to attempt the national novel writing month challenge of writing a novel of at least 50 thousand words duting the month of november.
like many others on the challenge i hit the 50k mark (with just moments to spare) while not actually finishing the tale.
how good is? i hear you ask.
utter fucking tripe i reply. total pants, if i am being honest - about as good as a liberal democrat promise.
yet i have to say i am pleased with it.
it makes no sense, it was done on the hoof. no planning, just making it up as i went along - so it started out in one genre and ended up being a completely different genre. it is clunky, moments of absolute horrid writing that if i had read it in a book i had bought would have me throwing the book across the room crying in a mix of laughter and despair.
so why am i pleased with it. i had forgotten how much fun it was to write, there are some ideas in it that i might be able to work up into something worthwhile.
for now i think i shall have to bash out a few short stories, just to keep my hand in.
don't worry i'll still be boring you silly on here as well.
like many others on the challenge i hit the 50k mark (with just moments to spare) while not actually finishing the tale.
how good is? i hear you ask.
utter fucking tripe i reply. total pants, if i am being honest - about as good as a liberal democrat promise.
yet i have to say i am pleased with it.
it makes no sense, it was done on the hoof. no planning, just making it up as i went along - so it started out in one genre and ended up being a completely different genre. it is clunky, moments of absolute horrid writing that if i had read it in a book i had bought would have me throwing the book across the room crying in a mix of laughter and despair.
so why am i pleased with it. i had forgotten how much fun it was to write, there are some ideas in it that i might be able to work up into something worthwhile.
for now i think i shall have to bash out a few short stories, just to keep my hand in.
don't worry i'll still be boring you silly on here as well.
Monday, November 29, 2010
obr
of the many things i am not good at: being sensible with money and being competent at maths come very high at the top of the list. which on the face of it means i should have been an irish banker.
today the office of budget responsibility (obr) have announced that there will be fewer public sector jobs lost than they previously forecast.
this is good news.
in fact it is great news.
though it seems to me, on a philosophical level, to call into question the whole point and purpose of organisations such as the obr.
why (or even how can i say such a thing given my earlier admission) do i say this?
the obr last did their forecast in june of this year, already they have changed it. they will more than likely change it in a few months.
the irish banks are suffering - yet just reccently they passed a 'stress' test from the european central bank.
the oecd will say one thing this week and change their minds next week. the imf will say this and then say that.
economic forecasting isn't so much an a science, it is more a dark art.
as robert chote, the chairman of the obr says: "there is considerable uncertainty around any economic forecasts".
don't know about you, but that fills me with confidence.
today the office of budget responsibility (obr) have announced that there will be fewer public sector jobs lost than they previously forecast.
this is good news.
in fact it is great news.
though it seems to me, on a philosophical level, to call into question the whole point and purpose of organisations such as the obr.
why (or even how can i say such a thing given my earlier admission) do i say this?
the obr last did their forecast in june of this year, already they have changed it. they will more than likely change it in a few months.
the irish banks are suffering - yet just reccently they passed a 'stress' test from the european central bank.
the oecd will say one thing this week and change their minds next week. the imf will say this and then say that.
economic forecasting isn't so much an a science, it is more a dark art.
as robert chote, the chairman of the obr says: "there is considerable uncertainty around any economic forecasts".
don't know about you, but that fills me with confidence.
Friday, November 26, 2010
protest
there are times when you just have to stand up and be counted.
there are times when you have to make your voice heard.
there are times when protest is the only way to make your point.
this is one of those times.
the world is changing and not for the better. it is getting worse and there is little chance that there will be light at the end of the tunnel. the news is full of it, chat shows are full of it: we live in dire times.
what has brought this on?
simply that the powers that be have attacked, yes i say attacked our liberties, our freedoms, the very things that make us proud to be alive.
yes ofcom have struck against the media company bang channels limited - creators of such works of art as tease me tv, tease me, tease me 2 and tease me 3. claiming that they had breached rules which protect viewers from offensive and harmful material. according to ofcom there were 60 rule breaches in 18 months. is that all? hardly worth getting your panties in a bunch.
whatever happened to freedom of speech? whatever happened to artistic freedom?
i tell you if they go against babestation (featuring the lovely jada) then there will be a revolution i tell you, a revolution.
me and the girls from babestation - on the barricades. (shep - stop sniggering at the back.) (it could happen.)
(on a slightly serious note ofcom also cite harm to children from watching this sort of material - frankly you have to ask just what are the parents doing?) (shep - i told you to stop sniggering.)
there are times when you have to make your voice heard.
there are times when protest is the only way to make your point.
this is one of those times.
the world is changing and not for the better. it is getting worse and there is little chance that there will be light at the end of the tunnel. the news is full of it, chat shows are full of it: we live in dire times.
what has brought this on?
simply that the powers that be have attacked, yes i say attacked our liberties, our freedoms, the very things that make us proud to be alive.
yes ofcom have struck against the media company bang channels limited - creators of such works of art as tease me tv, tease me, tease me 2 and tease me 3. claiming that they had breached rules which protect viewers from offensive and harmful material. according to ofcom there were 60 rule breaches in 18 months. is that all? hardly worth getting your panties in a bunch.
whatever happened to freedom of speech? whatever happened to artistic freedom?
i tell you if they go against babestation (featuring the lovely jada) then there will be a revolution i tell you, a revolution.
me and the girls from babestation - on the barricades. (shep - stop sniggering at the back.) (it could happen.)
(on a slightly serious note ofcom also cite harm to children from watching this sort of material - frankly you have to ask just what are the parents doing?) (shep - i told you to stop sniggering.)
Thursday, November 25, 2010
flight
i think the person who said this is a total utter cunt.
"we're going to have a system where the middle classes are discouraged from breeding because it's jolly expensive.
"but for those on benefits, there is every incentive. Well, that's not very sensible."
stand up and take a bow: howard flight.
i guess we shouldn't be surprised that a new tory peer would say such a thing, after all we are getting a good idea just what they think of the poor (pretty much that that are an annoyance but a necessary evil).
of course what it also implies is that the middle classes were only having kids because they were getting state benefits, now that those benefits have been cut they are giving up having children. quite how that makes them different from the benefit class is never explained.
from his comment it seems that it ok to claim benefits if you are middle class, but it is bad to do so if you are actually in need of benefits.
it is logic that befits someone who was a banker (and who at one point held 13 city directorships - c'mon how on earth does anyone get value for money from someone who has more than 13 jobs?).
still give him his due - when it comes to his niece and nephew he is critical of the state expecting students to pay their way in university - dash it all don't they know it really does muck up middle-calss expenses.
as is the way of modern politics lord flight has issued an "unreserved apology" (with the now obligatory 'comments taken out of context' caveat).
so i now give an unreserved apology to lord flight for anything that i deem to have been taken out of context.
"we're going to have a system where the middle classes are discouraged from breeding because it's jolly expensive.
"but for those on benefits, there is every incentive. Well, that's not very sensible."
stand up and take a bow: howard flight.
i guess we shouldn't be surprised that a new tory peer would say such a thing, after all we are getting a good idea just what they think of the poor (pretty much that that are an annoyance but a necessary evil).
of course what it also implies is that the middle classes were only having kids because they were getting state benefits, now that those benefits have been cut they are giving up having children. quite how that makes them different from the benefit class is never explained.
from his comment it seems that it ok to claim benefits if you are middle class, but it is bad to do so if you are actually in need of benefits.
it is logic that befits someone who was a banker (and who at one point held 13 city directorships - c'mon how on earth does anyone get value for money from someone who has more than 13 jobs?).
still give him his due - when it comes to his niece and nephew he is critical of the state expecting students to pay their way in university - dash it all don't they know it really does muck up middle-calss expenses.
as is the way of modern politics lord flight has issued an "unreserved apology" (with the now obligatory 'comments taken out of context' caveat).
so i now give an unreserved apology to lord flight for anything that i deem to have been taken out of context.
Monday, November 22, 2010
pleasure
right now pleasure is enjoying a home made curry (not cooked by me, of course) and watching episodes from the second series of battlestar galactica, which in my humble opinion is the best science fiction tv there has been.
(another short one for richard.)
(oh and for the casual reader here is a "public wank".)
(another short one for richard.)
(oh and for the casual reader here is a "public wank".)
Sunday, November 21, 2010
snow
it is supposed to snow this week.
ok i read that in the daily mail, so the chances of it actually happening are very slight.
it is quite cold right now. so right now i am going to eat another curry, it will be spicy and it will lead to some interesting noises later on. it will also be tasty.
oh two signs that the recession is hitting east london.
the local (naughty) massage parlour has closed down.
the local pizza hut restuarant has closed down.
i am pretty sure that the two events are not linked by anything other than the fact there is not as much money around as there used to be.
ok i read that in the daily mail, so the chances of it actually happening are very slight.
it is quite cold right now. so right now i am going to eat another curry, it will be spicy and it will lead to some interesting noises later on. it will also be tasty.
oh two signs that the recession is hitting east london.
the local (naughty) massage parlour has closed down.
the local pizza hut restuarant has closed down.
i am pretty sure that the two events are not linked by anything other than the fact there is not as much money around as there used to be.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
searched
today this blog was found by using the search 'public wank'.
i am beginning to understand my audience.
i am beginning to understand my audience.
Friday, November 19, 2010
shield
the 'star wars' missle defence concept so beloved of the american's has come a step closer. today nato announced the creation of a missle defence shield that will cover all nato members (and maybe russia, if they want).
"it offers a role for all of our allies. it responds to the threats of our times," president obama said.
it will be interesting to see how big a role the allies get when it comes to building it, or will the main role be to pay for it. of course the main role for the european allies is to be the first target in any attack against said missle defence - europe is the united states shield.
threats of our time? guess that means north korea and iran, maybe just maybe pakistan and china. natually enough the missle defence shield will be pretty useless against two very serious threats of our times: cyber attacks and terrorism. the usa might like to launch a missle or two at bin laden, but they don't know where he is and the next time irish republican dissidents decide they are going to threaten the british mainline that missle defence shield is going to be of great use.
european missle defence shield: america's first line of defence.
"it offers a role for all of our allies. it responds to the threats of our times," president obama said.
it will be interesting to see how big a role the allies get when it comes to building it, or will the main role be to pay for it. of course the main role for the european allies is to be the first target in any attack against said missle defence - europe is the united states shield.
threats of our time? guess that means north korea and iran, maybe just maybe pakistan and china. natually enough the missle defence shield will be pretty useless against two very serious threats of our times: cyber attacks and terrorism. the usa might like to launch a missle or two at bin laden, but they don't know where he is and the next time irish republican dissidents decide they are going to threaten the british mainline that missle defence shield is going to be of great use.
european missle defence shield: america's first line of defence.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
service
i have fallen in love with the self-service tills in my local sainsbury's. i know i shouldn't use them as i am leading to fewer and fewer staff in the stores.
i had an item that had a sell off price.
scan it once.
nothing.
scan it a second time.
nothing.
ok will have to key in the barcode.
half way through entering the very long code and i am asked if i want to continue. yes!
oh now i have to start keying in the code. again.
two thirds of the way through the very long code and i am asked if i want to continue. yes! you mechanical fucker, yes i do.
oh! back to the start. again.
get the code in. at last! wrong digit sequence. you dirty evil shit sucking piece of metal.
ok. ok. calm down. you can do this. it is just a code (a very very long code) it isn't everest, it isn't rocket science it is just a sodding code (and not even the da vinci one).
calm. breathe. relax. perform.
tap. tap. tippity tap tap. repeat. repeat. repeat.
result.
cheap food.
only took 15 minutes.
sodding hell.
i had an item that had a sell off price.
scan it once.
nothing.
scan it a second time.
nothing.
ok will have to key in the barcode.
half way through entering the very long code and i am asked if i want to continue. yes!
oh now i have to start keying in the code. again.
two thirds of the way through the very long code and i am asked if i want to continue. yes! you mechanical fucker, yes i do.
oh! back to the start. again.
get the code in. at last! wrong digit sequence. you dirty evil shit sucking piece of metal.
ok. ok. calm down. you can do this. it is just a code (a very very long code) it isn't everest, it isn't rocket science it is just a sodding code (and not even the da vinci one).
calm. breathe. relax. perform.
tap. tap. tippity tap tap. repeat. repeat. repeat.
result.
cheap food.
only took 15 minutes.
sodding hell.
quote
there i was listening to a radio news story about the trapping of anti-matter, chin stroking along as if i understood what was going on.
a professor of physics was doing his best to explain. he mentioned that his class today was very excited by the news. he was asked by the interviewer "how do physics students show their excitement? do they whoop and holler?"
the professor replied: "they smile and look interested."
that explains a lot.
a professor of physics was doing his best to explain. he mentioned that his class today was very excited by the news. he was asked by the interviewer "how do physics students show their excitement? do they whoop and holler?"
the professor replied: "they smile and look interested."
that explains a lot.
oops
"so called recession"
"never had it so good"
"but these are people who think they have a right for the state to support them."
so says lord young of graffham. lord young is not part of the government, though he is an adviser to david cameron. he is entitled to his opinion, and thanks to the daily telegraph we are all aware of his opinion. guess what a lot of people are not happy with his opinion.
including the conservative party who, it seems, have encouraged lord young to issue a very full apology.
the problem is lord young has pretty much let the cat out of the bag: for a certain type of conservative, they don't care. they have never cared and they will never care.
david cameron is thinking that he might ask the good lord to change his name to lord young of gaffham, and hoping that the next time he opens his mouth he doesn't stick his foot in it.
meanwhile nick clegg has his head in his hands and is sobbing in a dark room.
"never had it so good"
"but these are people who think they have a right for the state to support them."
so says lord young of graffham. lord young is not part of the government, though he is an adviser to david cameron. he is entitled to his opinion, and thanks to the daily telegraph we are all aware of his opinion. guess what a lot of people are not happy with his opinion.
including the conservative party who, it seems, have encouraged lord young to issue a very full apology.
the problem is lord young has pretty much let the cat out of the bag: for a certain type of conservative, they don't care. they have never cared and they will never care.
david cameron is thinking that he might ask the good lord to change his name to lord young of gaffham, and hoping that the next time he opens his mouth he doesn't stick his foot in it.
meanwhile nick clegg has his head in his hands and is sobbing in a dark room.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
announcements
two big announcements today - both will bring happiness to the multitudes.
first you have the future wedding of willy and kate.
then you have the beatles on i-tunes.
truly today is fucking wonderful.
this is just what cameron wanted when he announced that the government is about to try to measure happiness. david cameron says that happiness is more than just money, it is things such as the arts, the local community, sports and ..er.. thinking happy thoughts.
"We should be thinking not just what is good for putting money in people's pockets but what is good for putting joy in people's hearts." says david cameron.
a couple of things come out of this.
one putting joy in people's heart, is probably seen by cameron and the paternalistic con/dems as being cheap.
two that if you are a millionaire you probably don't worry about money that much.
and finally talking about making people happy might be a little easier if you weren't cutting public services, cutting funds to artistic organisations, to educational establishments.
still a smile doesn't cost, but sometimes it really is all about the economy, stupid!
first you have the future wedding of willy and kate.
then you have the beatles on i-tunes.
truly today is fucking wonderful.
this is just what cameron wanted when he announced that the government is about to try to measure happiness. david cameron says that happiness is more than just money, it is things such as the arts, the local community, sports and ..er.. thinking happy thoughts.
"We should be thinking not just what is good for putting money in people's pockets but what is good for putting joy in people's hearts." says david cameron.
a couple of things come out of this.
one putting joy in people's heart, is probably seen by cameron and the paternalistic con/dems as being cheap.
two that if you are a millionaire you probably don't worry about money that much.
and finally talking about making people happy might be a little easier if you weren't cutting public services, cutting funds to artistic organisations, to educational establishments.
still a smile doesn't cost, but sometimes it really is all about the economy, stupid!
searched
today this blog was found by the search string 'enema public humiliation'.
i am happy to provide a service.
i am a little hurt though, as they never say thank you.
i am happy to provide a service.
i am a little hurt though, as they never say thank you.
Monday, November 15, 2010
fat
you are fat because...
two stories that give yet more reasons why people are fat.
on the bbc it is because fat people are better at smelling food. a keen sense of smell impels you to eat even when you are full. yup that works for me. everytime i go into my local newsagent the aroma of twix is overwheliming.
still the solution is cheap and easy: i present the fat peg (expect me soon on dragon's den with this). it is a large pink (for piggy) peg. the business ends will have strong but soft arms that will keep the nostrils closed. breathing will have to be done through the mouth. double fatbusting here - no smell, no desire, mouth needed for breathing no time for chewing. watch the pounds fall off.
of course a few of you are thinking but that will look silly - but no! attach a pair of sunglasses to the pegs and instant fashion accessory! maybe have the peg linked to a jaunty, but dangerously perched baseball cap and wow oh wow fashion statement (you lose weight, but never lose your hat - tres cool).
the mail on the other hand have pointed out that some scientists have found the greediness gene (i am sure they are working with dan brown to turn it into a highly successful novel/movie). just as it says the greediness gene makes us ..er.. greedy. being greedy means we eat more, we eat more we become fat, fatter, fattest.
this is an important breakthrough because by finding the greediness gene they can create drugs to combat it (and not that i am being cynical here, surely with that knowledge certain foods can be adjusted to make us be even more greedy for them - i think twix bars have already been tampered with). it is even more important in the uk because a quarter of all adults are obese, and this is the highest in all of europe.
funny how that greedy gene seems to have ended up in the uk and the usa. just how does that work?
still as i sit here typing this i am happy to know that i am fat, not because of me, but because of things beyond my control.
yay!
(porky pegs will be on sale in the new year, get your orders in now.
terms and conditions will apply, other fat busting gadgets are also available.)
two stories that give yet more reasons why people are fat.
on the bbc it is because fat people are better at smelling food. a keen sense of smell impels you to eat even when you are full. yup that works for me. everytime i go into my local newsagent the aroma of twix is overwheliming.
still the solution is cheap and easy: i present the fat peg (expect me soon on dragon's den with this). it is a large pink (for piggy) peg. the business ends will have strong but soft arms that will keep the nostrils closed. breathing will have to be done through the mouth. double fatbusting here - no smell, no desire, mouth needed for breathing no time for chewing. watch the pounds fall off.
of course a few of you are thinking but that will look silly - but no! attach a pair of sunglasses to the pegs and instant fashion accessory! maybe have the peg linked to a jaunty, but dangerously perched baseball cap and wow oh wow fashion statement (you lose weight, but never lose your hat - tres cool).
the mail on the other hand have pointed out that some scientists have found the greediness gene (i am sure they are working with dan brown to turn it into a highly successful novel/movie). just as it says the greediness gene makes us ..er.. greedy. being greedy means we eat more, we eat more we become fat, fatter, fattest.
this is an important breakthrough because by finding the greediness gene they can create drugs to combat it (and not that i am being cynical here, surely with that knowledge certain foods can be adjusted to make us be even more greedy for them - i think twix bars have already been tampered with). it is even more important in the uk because a quarter of all adults are obese, and this is the highest in all of europe.
funny how that greedy gene seems to have ended up in the uk and the usa. just how does that work?
still as i sit here typing this i am happy to know that i am fat, not because of me, but because of things beyond my control.
yay!
(porky pegs will be on sale in the new year, get your orders in now.
terms and conditions will apply, other fat busting gadgets are also available.)
Sunday, November 14, 2010
remembrance
while watching the bbc’s, excellent, coverage of the remembrance day services i was struck by a thought.
in many ways the massed ranks of the ex-servicemen and women marching past the cenotaph were living examples of david cameron’s ‘big society’.
on the radio a serving officer remarked that remembrance day remained necessary not just because we should remember those who had given their lives for their country or ideals, but it also serves as a warning to our leaders: war has a cost and they should think very carefully before asking others to pay the costs.
the asking others is the crucial part. do you remember when michael moore was questioning whether elected politicians or political pundits were prepared to see their children enlist to fight the iraq war? his point was that voting for and defending a war where you had no personal ties to it was easy. the same could be said of our political leaders.
i am not suggesting, ala robert heinlein, that if you have not served in the military then you are not able to be a ‘citizen’ and so can’t vote or run for politics.
however there is some merit in the idea. it also has wider implications, while tying into cameron’s ‘big society’.
one of the many criticisms that are thrown at politicians is that they are out of touch with reality. one of the reasons for that for many of our politicians are career politicians having worked for the party or a think tank before becoming a member of parliament. it is true that having a vocation is a wonderful thing, there is also a case where it means your view of life is very narrow.
i don’t want my elected leaders to be just like me, but i want to know that they have had similar experiences to me. i want to know that they have rubbed shoulders with the rank and file and not have them thinking that just because they don’t wear a tie with their shirt and jacket that they are somehow like us.
this isn’t just about those with a very privileged upbringing pretending to know how hard the rest of us have it, this is about all politicians.
my proposal is a simple one: if you want to become an elected official then you should have done some sort of service before you entered politics. no think tanks, no consultancies, no working for the party. a real job and preferably one where you are giving back to society: teacher, nurse, doctor, police service, fire service, magistrate, ambulance driver, social worker … well you get the picture.
i want to know that those who legislate on our behalf have more than a passing idea of the experience of the rest of us. i want to know that they have spent time with people who are not political wonks or media mavens. i want to know that they have been half way decent in a career outside of politics.
power will always rest in the hands of a few. when it comes to what rupert murdoch wants and what we want the chances are we will lose out, however the balance might swing a little our way if our elected representatives had spent several years being a little more like us.
abraham lincoln spoke of government of the people, by the people, for the people as politics has become a career for many we have moved away from that simple formulation, perhaps david cameron’s talk of ‘the big society’ is the start of bringing it back.
true it would be an unexpected consequence of the idea, as i don’t expect to see cameron, clegg or miliband giving up their weekends to work the local soup kitchens (though lord knows there is soon going to be a need for them). perhaps the one thing we will be thanking david cameron for is that we will all begin to hold our politicians to account, we will want to know how and why they vote, what they are doing in their local communities and why they are not communicating with the electors.
perhaps by holding our members of parliament up to scrutiny, reminding them that they are there for us and not for them we can honour the sacrifice of the glorious dead.
in many ways the massed ranks of the ex-servicemen and women marching past the cenotaph were living examples of david cameron’s ‘big society’.
on the radio a serving officer remarked that remembrance day remained necessary not just because we should remember those who had given their lives for their country or ideals, but it also serves as a warning to our leaders: war has a cost and they should think very carefully before asking others to pay the costs.
the asking others is the crucial part. do you remember when michael moore was questioning whether elected politicians or political pundits were prepared to see their children enlist to fight the iraq war? his point was that voting for and defending a war where you had no personal ties to it was easy. the same could be said of our political leaders.
i am not suggesting, ala robert heinlein, that if you have not served in the military then you are not able to be a ‘citizen’ and so can’t vote or run for politics.
however there is some merit in the idea. it also has wider implications, while tying into cameron’s ‘big society’.
one of the many criticisms that are thrown at politicians is that they are out of touch with reality. one of the reasons for that for many of our politicians are career politicians having worked for the party or a think tank before becoming a member of parliament. it is true that having a vocation is a wonderful thing, there is also a case where it means your view of life is very narrow.
i don’t want my elected leaders to be just like me, but i want to know that they have had similar experiences to me. i want to know that they have rubbed shoulders with the rank and file and not have them thinking that just because they don’t wear a tie with their shirt and jacket that they are somehow like us.
this isn’t just about those with a very privileged upbringing pretending to know how hard the rest of us have it, this is about all politicians.
my proposal is a simple one: if you want to become an elected official then you should have done some sort of service before you entered politics. no think tanks, no consultancies, no working for the party. a real job and preferably one where you are giving back to society: teacher, nurse, doctor, police service, fire service, magistrate, ambulance driver, social worker … well you get the picture.
i want to know that those who legislate on our behalf have more than a passing idea of the experience of the rest of us. i want to know that they have spent time with people who are not political wonks or media mavens. i want to know that they have been half way decent in a career outside of politics.
power will always rest in the hands of a few. when it comes to what rupert murdoch wants and what we want the chances are we will lose out, however the balance might swing a little our way if our elected representatives had spent several years being a little more like us.
abraham lincoln spoke of government of the people, by the people, for the people as politics has become a career for many we have moved away from that simple formulation, perhaps david cameron’s talk of ‘the big society’ is the start of bringing it back.
true it would be an unexpected consequence of the idea, as i don’t expect to see cameron, clegg or miliband giving up their weekends to work the local soup kitchens (though lord knows there is soon going to be a need for them). perhaps the one thing we will be thanking david cameron for is that we will all begin to hold our politicians to account, we will want to know how and why they vote, what they are doing in their local communities and why they are not communicating with the electors.
perhaps by holding our members of parliament up to scrutiny, reminding them that they are there for us and not for them we can honour the sacrifice of the glorious dead.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
pay
cameron and his cronies (the camerloons) have made a big song and dance about 'making work pay'. they want to break the benefit culture. it is a noble idea (and in essence it isn't that much different from the tax credit system brought in by new labour).
in short ian duncan smith (ids) wants to get people back to work, oddly there are times when i do think that ids wants to do it for the right reasons, and then there are times when i remember he is a tory. his solution is that when someone who is unemployed gets a job (the unspoken here is that most of the jobs that people will be getting will be part-time) their benefits are not removed quite as quickly as they are now. in effect the state will be subsidising the low pay of commercial enterprises. makes sense to me.
yet for all of the 'we want to break the benefit culture attitude' that the tories spout the one thing that they don't seem to want to address is the question of pay. most of us believe in a fair day's work for a fair day's pay. so while more and more jobs seem to be paid at a rate that is just above the minimum wage there seems to be no issues with prices going up.
today british gas have announced a 7% increase in their prices (odd how it always goes up just when people start using gas and electric the most, even odder how quickly energy companies respond to an increase in wholesale prices, but how slow they are when the wholesale price drops). this will be compounded in january when the new vat rate kicks in. january will also see the price of public transport increase (an annual event - do you remember when thatcher sold all this lot off how we were told it would be more efficient and prices would be lower).
all in all a lot of people can look forward to a worsening standard of living and the situation where for a great many work isn't paying because the price of everything is going up.
not to worry i am sure ids and the camerloons are already in talks with someone like balfour beatty to build a whole new range of workhouses for the poor to live in.
in short ian duncan smith (ids) wants to get people back to work, oddly there are times when i do think that ids wants to do it for the right reasons, and then there are times when i remember he is a tory. his solution is that when someone who is unemployed gets a job (the unspoken here is that most of the jobs that people will be getting will be part-time) their benefits are not removed quite as quickly as they are now. in effect the state will be subsidising the low pay of commercial enterprises. makes sense to me.
yet for all of the 'we want to break the benefit culture attitude' that the tories spout the one thing that they don't seem to want to address is the question of pay. most of us believe in a fair day's work for a fair day's pay. so while more and more jobs seem to be paid at a rate that is just above the minimum wage there seems to be no issues with prices going up.
today british gas have announced a 7% increase in their prices (odd how it always goes up just when people start using gas and electric the most, even odder how quickly energy companies respond to an increase in wholesale prices, but how slow they are when the wholesale price drops). this will be compounded in january when the new vat rate kicks in. january will also see the price of public transport increase (an annual event - do you remember when thatcher sold all this lot off how we were told it would be more efficient and prices would be lower).
all in all a lot of people can look forward to a worsening standard of living and the situation where for a great many work isn't paying because the price of everything is going up.
not to worry i am sure ids and the camerloons are already in talks with someone like balfour beatty to build a whole new range of workhouses for the poor to live in.
Friday, November 12, 2010
wrong
she has been compared to nelson mandela.
the people of burma refer to her as 'the lady'.
she has been under house arrest for most of the last 20 years.
some see her as the mother of burmese democracy.
a nobel peace prize winner. extolling the virtue of peaceful protest.
some have argued that her strong principles have hindered the democratic process, others have said that by her unwavering stance she has denied legitimacy to the military leaders.
it is possible that tomorrow (saturday) that aung san suu kyi will be released from her house arrest, if only for a short time until the government can trump up more charges against her.
aung san suu kyi's freedom is a thing to be celebrated - it will bring hope to the burmese people and it may also bring hope to all those people around the world who are also engaged in peaceful struggle (please take note students).
while all of this is of international significance, and given all her virtues of strength, principle and integrity more inportantly is that aung san suu kyi is a total hottie. i admit that her babeliciousness probably isn't high on the list of reasons to free her, but i am just saying it should be.
is that so wrong?
the people of burma refer to her as 'the lady'.
she has been under house arrest for most of the last 20 years.
some see her as the mother of burmese democracy.
a nobel peace prize winner. extolling the virtue of peaceful protest.
some have argued that her strong principles have hindered the democratic process, others have said that by her unwavering stance she has denied legitimacy to the military leaders.
it is possible that tomorrow (saturday) that aung san suu kyi will be released from her house arrest, if only for a short time until the government can trump up more charges against her.
aung san suu kyi's freedom is a thing to be celebrated - it will bring hope to the burmese people and it may also bring hope to all those people around the world who are also engaged in peaceful struggle (please take note students).
while all of this is of international significance, and given all her virtues of strength, principle and integrity more inportantly is that aung san suu kyi is a total hottie. i admit that her babeliciousness probably isn't high on the list of reasons to free her, but i am just saying it should be.
is that so wrong?
Thursday, November 11, 2010
searched
i would be the first to admit that my blog is not essential reading (even for me).
i like to think that my, few, readers derive some pleasure from it.
i also think that the power of the blogosphere is overrated (though i suspect i would quickly change my mind if i was told that my blog was being turned into a book, or even better a film with bruce willis and danny dyer as the stars, with a guest role for jason statham - i have quite worked out the narrative thread of the movie yet, give me time).
however i do derive a certain sense of satisfaction from doing this.
recently blogger has allowed me to check my statistics - mostly depressing reading.
one of the things i can see is what people have used to find my blog. i thought i would share with you.
so here they are - the magic words that bring people to me....
a video of a person having an enema from beginning to finish
turd "to be proud" flushed
bilara having an enema
briana banks
dsm+hdd1 датчики
(ok it looks like people are able to associate me with being a perve. what do you mean if the cap fits....)
iampat
iampat!!! (just have to love those exclamation marks - i am all about the exclamation mark!)
isabel spearman
(at least these three make it sound like they were searching for me or interested in my thoughts on sensible subjects)
site:blogspot.com enema pain
(and this one just has me all a google at the idea that someone has narrowed down their search so specifically.)
still there is an obvious business out there - now how do i propose my social media network for enema lovers to the boys and girls on the dragon's den?
it will give a whole new meaning to logging on.
i like to think that my, few, readers derive some pleasure from it.
i also think that the power of the blogosphere is overrated (though i suspect i would quickly change my mind if i was told that my blog was being turned into a book, or even better a film with bruce willis and danny dyer as the stars, with a guest role for jason statham - i have quite worked out the narrative thread of the movie yet, give me time).
however i do derive a certain sense of satisfaction from doing this.
recently blogger has allowed me to check my statistics - mostly depressing reading.
one of the things i can see is what people have used to find my blog. i thought i would share with you.
so here they are - the magic words that bring people to me....
a video of a person having an enema from beginning to finish
turd "to be proud" flushed
bilara having an enema
briana banks
dsm+hdd1 датчики
(ok it looks like people are able to associate me with being a perve. what do you mean if the cap fits....)
iampat
iampat!!! (just have to love those exclamation marks - i am all about the exclamation mark!)
isabel spearman
(at least these three make it sound like they were searching for me or interested in my thoughts on sensible subjects)
site:blogspot.com enema pain
(and this one just has me all a google at the idea that someone has narrowed down their search so specifically.)
still there is an obvious business out there - now how do i propose my social media network for enema lovers to the boys and girls on the dragon's den?
it will give a whole new meaning to logging on.
cancel
poor old oxford university student union.
first it was vince cable cancelling a speech he was to give there. he cited security fears and costs. vince as part of the liberal democrats had signed an agreement to phase out tuition fees, it was a vote winner with many students who duly plonked their mark down by their liberal candidate.
oops. guess they won't be doing that again.
at least vince was honest about why he cancelled. he knew there would be protests and that whatever he had to say would be lost in the noise and hurly burly of protests. he even turned it into a mini victory for himself by saying he was avoiding unnecessary policing costs by not going.
well played dear chap.
now it is the turn of nick clegg to bail out on the oxford union (they must be feeling rather unloved right about now, let's all give them a hug. big hug).
what excuse has nasty nic... sorry that nice nick clegg given them.
according to the oxford union mr. clegg can't make it to them because of an 'unfortunate scheduling conflict'.
pardon?
now i am not the most punctual of people but the only time i have a 'scheduling conflict' is when i don't want to be somewhere and i have to wash my hair.
perhaps if i had an overpaid diary manager (or an interesting life) such 'scheduling conflicts' might occur.
for someone like mr. clegg such things shouldn't happen, it is not hard to manage your time. true there are always emergencies that throw you off schedule, they can't be avoided or planned for and people accept them. the only problem with emergencies is that you don't know abouut them in advance.
so i am left with the question: if you can't manage your diary mr. clegg with all those people you have helping you (the liberal party, the cabinet office, the civil service and your special advisers), if you can manage to double book yourself for two engagements on the same night, if you can't check your diary before agreeing to something then mr. clegg i ask you, this simple question.
if you can't manage your diary what fucking chance do you have to manage the country?
we are all in it together, except for mr. clegg who has had to pull out because he has another appointment, but i am sure he will join us soon.
first it was vince cable cancelling a speech he was to give there. he cited security fears and costs. vince as part of the liberal democrats had signed an agreement to phase out tuition fees, it was a vote winner with many students who duly plonked their mark down by their liberal candidate.
oops. guess they won't be doing that again.
at least vince was honest about why he cancelled. he knew there would be protests and that whatever he had to say would be lost in the noise and hurly burly of protests. he even turned it into a mini victory for himself by saying he was avoiding unnecessary policing costs by not going.
well played dear chap.
now it is the turn of nick clegg to bail out on the oxford union (they must be feeling rather unloved right about now, let's all give them a hug. big hug).
what excuse has nasty nic... sorry that nice nick clegg given them.
according to the oxford union mr. clegg can't make it to them because of an 'unfortunate scheduling conflict'.
pardon?
now i am not the most punctual of people but the only time i have a 'scheduling conflict' is when i don't want to be somewhere and i have to wash my hair.
perhaps if i had an overpaid diary manager (or an interesting life) such 'scheduling conflicts' might occur.
for someone like mr. clegg such things shouldn't happen, it is not hard to manage your time. true there are always emergencies that throw you off schedule, they can't be avoided or planned for and people accept them. the only problem with emergencies is that you don't know abouut them in advance.
so i am left with the question: if you can't manage your diary mr. clegg with all those people you have helping you (the liberal party, the cabinet office, the civil service and your special advisers), if you can manage to double book yourself for two engagements on the same night, if you can't check your diary before agreeing to something then mr. clegg i ask you, this simple question.
if you can't manage your diary what fucking chance do you have to manage the country?
we are all in it together, except for mr. clegg who has had to pull out because he has another appointment, but i am sure he will join us soon.
Tuesday, November 09, 2010
wank
one of cameron's happier claims is that he is cutting the government's communication bill (even as he adds a photographer, videographer and others to the public payroll).
meanwhile eric pickles is mastering attacks on local council freesheets (all the while telling us that centralism is out and localism is in - perhaps it is just local as long as it is inline with what the centre wants).
strangely in the new 'transparent' world of the con/dems information would be key, except when you stop providing that information.
still we can always rely on the con/dems to provide us with a useful phrase to explain this brave new world of politics.
we are all familiar with "we are all in it together" (and we all know what it means). then there is the various combinations of words that add up to "we inherited the mess of the previous government" (and we all know what is being left out).
now we have 'horizon shift'. say what? (it is all about giving up the short term headline for the longer term policy planning/ investment).
part of this 'horizon shift' is to get rid of targets (because we don't actually want to measure things, we don't want to what we are aiming for) and replace them with milestones, which to you and me may smell pretty much like targets.
perhaps that is the thing about being in government: you can change the name, you can change the rhetoric, you can change the jargon but in the end it still sounds, and acts like a government.
meanwhile eric pickles is mastering attacks on local council freesheets (all the while telling us that centralism is out and localism is in - perhaps it is just local as long as it is inline with what the centre wants).
strangely in the new 'transparent' world of the con/dems information would be key, except when you stop providing that information.
still we can always rely on the con/dems to provide us with a useful phrase to explain this brave new world of politics.
we are all familiar with "we are all in it together" (and we all know what it means). then there is the various combinations of words that add up to "we inherited the mess of the previous government" (and we all know what is being left out).
now we have 'horizon shift'. say what? (it is all about giving up the short term headline for the longer term policy planning/ investment).
part of this 'horizon shift' is to get rid of targets (because we don't actually want to measure things, we don't want to what we are aiming for) and replace them with milestones, which to you and me may smell pretty much like targets.
perhaps that is the thing about being in government: you can change the name, you can change the rhetoric, you can change the jargon but in the end it still sounds, and acts like a government.
Monday, November 08, 2010
avoided
today i avoided the news.
i read the daily mail.
i thank you. (matinee shows wednesdays and fridays.)
i read the daily mail.
i thank you. (matinee shows wednesdays and fridays.)
Sunday, November 07, 2010
competition
in honour of the new 'forced' work plan i would like to annonce a cometition to design a nice armband that those who are on the programme can wear.
given that it is aimed at the workshy (not the genuinely unemployed and trying to find a job - though according to the government and the daily mail such a beastie is a rare thing indeed) i was thinking of a big ws as a logo, just can't make up my mind on the colour scheme.
why do they need armbands?
well so that people can point at them, of course. parents can point them out to their children and whisper: "see that is what happens when you don't (fill in as desired)".
of course the pointing that people will do will add to the wearer's self-esteem, because they will quickly see that people respect them.
so obviously the armbands need to stand out.
perhaps they should also wear day-glo jackets as well.
so get your coloured pencils out and start designing, after all how hard can it be?
best designs will be forwarded to ian duncan smith (i am sure he knows a few workshy tailors who can knock up the winning designs).
remember your community will love you for it and it will be a reminder that we are all in it together.
given that it is aimed at the workshy (not the genuinely unemployed and trying to find a job - though according to the government and the daily mail such a beastie is a rare thing indeed) i was thinking of a big ws as a logo, just can't make up my mind on the colour scheme.
why do they need armbands?
well so that people can point at them, of course. parents can point them out to their children and whisper: "see that is what happens when you don't (fill in as desired)".
of course the pointing that people will do will add to the wearer's self-esteem, because they will quickly see that people respect them.
so obviously the armbands need to stand out.
perhaps they should also wear day-glo jackets as well.
so get your coloured pencils out and start designing, after all how hard can it be?
best designs will be forwarded to ian duncan smith (i am sure he knows a few workshy tailors who can knock up the winning designs).
remember your community will love you for it and it will be a reminder that we are all in it together.
fireworks
i love them.
they bring out the big kid in me (almost as much as snow does, but without getting quite so soggy).
enjoyed the display in victoria park, accompanied by the sounds of the 40s (it was a blitz celebration).
big smile. chill night.
perfect.
they bring out the big kid in me (almost as much as snow does, but without getting quite so soggy).
enjoyed the display in victoria park, accompanied by the sounds of the 40s (it was a blitz celebration).
big smile. chill night.
perfect.
Saturday, November 06, 2010
irony
the cleric abu hamza has won his battle to stop the british state from stripping him of his british passport. (he didn't win against the egyptian state that has successfully stripped him of his passport.)
funny thing is abu hamza is that he is not british by birth, but by marriage, nor is he particularly keen on the british (or western) way of life. he wants a caliphate or democracy, is less than keen on jews and homosexuals. but how he loves the european court of human rights.
it is a quirk of western civilisation and democracy: the defence of those who would see it destroyed. if you needed a reason to cherish 'our way of life' then you need look no further.
a little like david cameron i am 'disappointed' at the ruling, but another quirk about democracy: it isn't about me.
while david and i may not be happy with the outcome we both know that it is a strength of democracy, that it can, and will, accept differing views, even those that are utterly hostile to it.
the real battle is to remind everyone that while democracy may not be perfect, it is much better than the alternatives.
funny thing is abu hamza is that he is not british by birth, but by marriage, nor is he particularly keen on the british (or western) way of life. he wants a caliphate or democracy, is less than keen on jews and homosexuals. but how he loves the european court of human rights.
it is a quirk of western civilisation and democracy: the defence of those who would see it destroyed. if you needed a reason to cherish 'our way of life' then you need look no further.
a little like david cameron i am 'disappointed' at the ruling, but another quirk about democracy: it isn't about me.
while david and i may not be happy with the outcome we both know that it is a strength of democracy, that it can, and will, accept differing views, even those that are utterly hostile to it.
the real battle is to remind everyone that while democracy may not be perfect, it is much better than the alternatives.
Friday, November 05, 2010
employing
you would have thought that someone who criticised the new labour government for wasting money on quangos and consultants would have tried to have been squeaky clean when he took office. i guess the rules don’t apply when you believe, as david cameron does, that he was destined to lead the country.
not happy with employing his photographer and videographer at the taxpayer’s expense the evening standard has pointed out that cameron has added another two of his mates to the public payroll. (to be fair the daily mail had made note of one of the appointments a few days back).
isabel spearman has been hired as the assistant to samantha cameron. she is there to run her diary, look after her correspondence and make sure she has the right clothes. an awesomely important job, i think we all agree. strangely she had been doing this job before the election, so someone else must have been picking up the tab. guess what? not anymore, we are paying her salary now. look as long as sam cam is looking fine then i am feeling good about it. money well spent.
the other appointment is anna-maren ashford, who used to be the conservative party’s head of brand communications. (she said of the conservative squiggle, sorry logo: 'the tree is rooted and strong, a very british image, yet reflects growth, freedom and versatility.' she is now involved in the cabinet office’s ‘behavioural insight team’ (say what?) (don’t worry it isn’t all that sinister it is just looking at how government can persuade people to change their behaviour. see it is all about ‘the nudge’. actually maybe it is sinister). good to see the conservative party cutting its wage bill, yet making sure the unemployment figures don’t go up as they have shunted her onto the public pay packet. excellent stuff and a necessary job, i am sure.
according to the standard ms spearman’s role is largely administrative and ms ashford was working on strategy (well i am glad we voted for her, oh we didn’t did we).
now i don’t dispute that david cameron has a tough job, and when you are in that situation you want to have your mates around you, to give support and to keep the spirits high. i am sure that cries of “hypocrite” would be misplaced (besides dave’s mates are there to prevent him from hearing such claims). i can’t help but feel the four ‘jobs’ that have been created by the camerons could have been paid for by private sources if only to prevent claims of cronyism and to defend against accusations of wasting taxpayers’ money.
shame that cameron can’t hire some of those people in the public sector that are about to lose their job, but then they are not cameron’s mate – so tough luck. perhaps the next time i sign on andy parsons can come and take my portrait while isabel spearman can give me tips on what sorts go well with my jeans – after all they are public servants now.
don’t forget we are all in it together and our sacrifices mean that a very wealthy can have someone help her chose what dresses to wear. seems perfectly reasonable to me.
not happy with employing his photographer and videographer at the taxpayer’s expense the evening standard has pointed out that cameron has added another two of his mates to the public payroll. (to be fair the daily mail had made note of one of the appointments a few days back).
isabel spearman has been hired as the assistant to samantha cameron. she is there to run her diary, look after her correspondence and make sure she has the right clothes. an awesomely important job, i think we all agree. strangely she had been doing this job before the election, so someone else must have been picking up the tab. guess what? not anymore, we are paying her salary now. look as long as sam cam is looking fine then i am feeling good about it. money well spent.
the other appointment is anna-maren ashford, who used to be the conservative party’s head of brand communications. (she said of the conservative squiggle, sorry logo: 'the tree is rooted and strong, a very british image, yet reflects growth, freedom and versatility.' she is now involved in the cabinet office’s ‘behavioural insight team’ (say what?) (don’t worry it isn’t all that sinister it is just looking at how government can persuade people to change their behaviour. see it is all about ‘the nudge’. actually maybe it is sinister). good to see the conservative party cutting its wage bill, yet making sure the unemployment figures don’t go up as they have shunted her onto the public pay packet. excellent stuff and a necessary job, i am sure.
according to the standard ms spearman’s role is largely administrative and ms ashford was working on strategy (well i am glad we voted for her, oh we didn’t did we).
now i don’t dispute that david cameron has a tough job, and when you are in that situation you want to have your mates around you, to give support and to keep the spirits high. i am sure that cries of “hypocrite” would be misplaced (besides dave’s mates are there to prevent him from hearing such claims). i can’t help but feel the four ‘jobs’ that have been created by the camerons could have been paid for by private sources if only to prevent claims of cronyism and to defend against accusations of wasting taxpayers’ money.
shame that cameron can’t hire some of those people in the public sector that are about to lose their job, but then they are not cameron’s mate – so tough luck. perhaps the next time i sign on andy parsons can come and take my portrait while isabel spearman can give me tips on what sorts go well with my jeans – after all they are public servants now.
don’t forget we are all in it together and our sacrifices mean that a very wealthy can have someone help her chose what dresses to wear. seems perfectly reasonable to me.
Thursday, November 04, 2010
irked
my current irk is the fact that no matter how many times i tell my internet browser that i want it to remember my details on some sites (such as this one), each time i want to drop my pearls of wisdom i have to sign on.
why won't you keep my signed in like i ask you?
why? why? why?
computers they were supposed to make our lives easy. just create new sources of irkness.
why won't you keep my signed in like i ask you?
why? why? why?
computers they were supposed to make our lives easy. just create new sources of irkness.
Wednesday, November 03, 2010
exposed
we all want to look our best, especially when it comes to be photographed or videoed.
so we can't really blame david cameron for putting his personal photographer and videographer on staff. he needs them to present him (and his family) in the best light. to show us all he is, indeed, just like me and you (albeit a very rich smug version of me and you).
c'mon admit it - if you could afford it you would have a photographer following you around catching you in that 'moment' (to use a term loved by henri cartier bresson), look there you are looking thoughtful (snap), here you are smiling and talking with a stranger (click), oh look at you run (snap, click, snap). all captured in stunning, sometimes airbrushed, colour or maybe just that moody serious black and white.
you know you would want it.
or imagine the videographer making everything look like it runs smoothly and well planned, all with added soundtrack.
see it sounds brilliant, and don't deny it.
you would do it if you could afford it.
oh hold on - if you could afford it.
one of the things that cameron loves to tell us (and i suspect that just as he gets all worked up with sam to play a game of m'lord and ladies, he whispers in her ear: "deficit") is that we are in a parlous situation, that public services have to be cut and that savings have to be made. if he tells us once, he tells us twice and just to make sure he tells us a third time.
as part of this he is quick to lambast the labour government for its profligacy.
so it is nice to know that while he is presiding over cuts and job loses he can find some public money to hire his own personal photographer and videographer, and because of the nature of their contracts the job didn't have to be advertised - not that i would have gone for it - not sure david cameron would have suited being pictured with a traffic cone on his head.
oh but he tells us he has cut the previous government's outrageous communication bill, so don't begrudge me giving two jobs to my mates, after all they make me look so good, so smug, so dave!
it is not like the cameron's couldn't afford to pay for them. or that the conservative party couldn't stump up the cash for them. after all who was paying for them before david cameron, so generously, put them on the public purse? now that the state is paying for them does that mean that the state owns the copyright on their work, will all monies paid to use their images go back to the state? (just wondering).
so next time dave is telling us all how hard it is and how we all have to make sacrifices to make ends meet just remember we are all in it together - even if most of us can't afford to appoint our own private photographer, after all who wants to see suffering and depression when we can look at airbrushed smugness.
so we can't really blame david cameron for putting his personal photographer and videographer on staff. he needs them to present him (and his family) in the best light. to show us all he is, indeed, just like me and you (albeit a very rich smug version of me and you).
c'mon admit it - if you could afford it you would have a photographer following you around catching you in that 'moment' (to use a term loved by henri cartier bresson), look there you are looking thoughtful (snap), here you are smiling and talking with a stranger (click), oh look at you run (snap, click, snap). all captured in stunning, sometimes airbrushed, colour or maybe just that moody serious black and white.
you know you would want it.
or imagine the videographer making everything look like it runs smoothly and well planned, all with added soundtrack.
see it sounds brilliant, and don't deny it.
you would do it if you could afford it.
oh hold on - if you could afford it.
one of the things that cameron loves to tell us (and i suspect that just as he gets all worked up with sam to play a game of m'lord and ladies, he whispers in her ear: "deficit") is that we are in a parlous situation, that public services have to be cut and that savings have to be made. if he tells us once, he tells us twice and just to make sure he tells us a third time.
as part of this he is quick to lambast the labour government for its profligacy.
so it is nice to know that while he is presiding over cuts and job loses he can find some public money to hire his own personal photographer and videographer, and because of the nature of their contracts the job didn't have to be advertised - not that i would have gone for it - not sure david cameron would have suited being pictured with a traffic cone on his head.
oh but he tells us he has cut the previous government's outrageous communication bill, so don't begrudge me giving two jobs to my mates, after all they make me look so good, so smug, so dave!
it is not like the cameron's couldn't afford to pay for them. or that the conservative party couldn't stump up the cash for them. after all who was paying for them before david cameron, so generously, put them on the public purse? now that the state is paying for them does that mean that the state owns the copyright on their work, will all monies paid to use their images go back to the state? (just wondering).
so next time dave is telling us all how hard it is and how we all have to make sacrifices to make ends meet just remember we are all in it together - even if most of us can't afford to appoint our own private photographer, after all who wants to see suffering and depression when we can look at airbrushed smugness.
curry
i have known my local newsagent for close on twenty years, i even have a nickname there, slam or slammy (based on the fact i used to whinge when my copy of the british basketball magazine, slam, wasn't available).
one of the, many, areas contention we have is over food. he likes good food, i just like food. so whenever i tell him i was having a curry in brick lane he just snorts and tells me it is not authentic indian food. (to be fair to brick lane it doesn't really try to hide the bangladeshi origin of much of the food on offer, the clue would be in the 'banglatown' tag for the area.)
my newsagent contends the best indian food is available in west london.
one day i will take him up on his offer to go and sample the grub over there (like i say i like food, but not enough to travel across the city for a curry).
tonight he handed me a bag with homemade curry and rice, he wasn't sure i would like it as it was hot. i said i would give it ago.
he wasn't lying. it was hot. it was also very nice.
it was hot.
i can still feel the heat inside me - keeping me warm and also starting the volcanic movement in my gut that will have seismic results in the morning.
oh yes i can tell that i will have a ring of fire tomorrow.
i tell you what that means i won't be needing to have an enema (why am i mentioning enemas? because pretty much every other day my blog is found by someone looking for enemas! if you can't beat them, join them).
oh and if the rumblings are true i won't be doing a log tomorrow, what will be coming out of my arse will be sludgy lava.
one of the, many, areas contention we have is over food. he likes good food, i just like food. so whenever i tell him i was having a curry in brick lane he just snorts and tells me it is not authentic indian food. (to be fair to brick lane it doesn't really try to hide the bangladeshi origin of much of the food on offer, the clue would be in the 'banglatown' tag for the area.)
my newsagent contends the best indian food is available in west london.
one day i will take him up on his offer to go and sample the grub over there (like i say i like food, but not enough to travel across the city for a curry).
tonight he handed me a bag with homemade curry and rice, he wasn't sure i would like it as it was hot. i said i would give it ago.
he wasn't lying. it was hot. it was also very nice.
it was hot.
i can still feel the heat inside me - keeping me warm and also starting the volcanic movement in my gut that will have seismic results in the morning.
oh yes i can tell that i will have a ring of fire tomorrow.
i tell you what that means i won't be needing to have an enema (why am i mentioning enemas? because pretty much every other day my blog is found by someone looking for enemas! if you can't beat them, join them).
oh and if the rumblings are true i won't be doing a log tomorrow, what will be coming out of my arse will be sludgy lava.
Tuesday, November 02, 2010
can
two years ago the chant was: "yes we can".
the wave of hope and change that swept obama into power splashed over the world and filled many with optimism.
idealism. gotta love it.
two years later and political realism has kicked hope and optimism fully in the nuts.
the democrats are being slapped silly in the mid-term elections.
in a perfect world it wouldn't matter what was going on in the usa elections, but as we have learnt (much to our cost) what happens in the usa affects us all.
tonight the chant is: "no we can't".
the wave of hope and change that swept obama into power splashed over the world and filled many with optimism.
idealism. gotta love it.
two years later and political realism has kicked hope and optimism fully in the nuts.
the democrats are being slapped silly in the mid-term elections.
in a perfect world it wouldn't matter what was going on in the usa elections, but as we have learnt (much to our cost) what happens in the usa affects us all.
tonight the chant is: "no we can't".
Monday, November 01, 2010
allies
who would have thought it: britain and france to sign a defence accord that heralds greater military cooperation between them. perhaps to the extent that that they will be deployed as a single force at certain times.
it makes sense on several levels: there will be financial benefits from it, both countries spend more on defence than other european countries, both are nuclear powers and both sit on the un security council.
so it makes practical sense.
there are obvious practical issues – one just has to look at the question of iraq to see what they might be. indeed some have said that such a deal between britain and france might disturb the relationship between britain and the usa – what a shame that would be.
what makes this very odd is that it is happening under david cameron. i am sure more than a few conservatives are having hissyfits, bad enough talking about having the euro here, but teaming up with the french?
crikey mrs. thatcher would be spinning in her grave if the old bat would just hurry up and die.
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