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Friday, April 30, 2010


you can find inspiration all over the place.
it might be a mate doing the london marathon.
it might be a chance encounter with a homeless person who has an interesting story to tell.
it might be the surprising meeting with someone you barely know who tells you that they have taken a big leap and have decided to follow their dream.
it might be watching local people trying to make a difference as they stand for councillors.
it isn’t the finding of inspiration that is the problem, the difficult part, the real trick is to take that inspiration and do something special with it. that is the key. only then is it truly inspiring.


not sure anyone won the last debate. not that it matters as most of the media is ready to hang brown out to dry and claim that it is just between clegg and cameron.

now that the debates are over, i feel that we are now closer to running presidential politics. we are hearing from fewer of the other members of the potential cabinets. i think that is a big worry.
when we get the next one of these expect the wives to be involved.

i have enjoyed the debates, i am not sure it has benefitted democracy as much as others have claimed. it is an interesting adjunct to it, but we need to hear from more voices of those who would be part of the government.

crikey reeta chakrabarti is a bit of alright.

(annoying but clever from a tory mp)

geez time for bed.


final statements and then i can get back to rochelle on babestation.

cameron he loves the country, and we can do even better in the years ahead. right values, back the family, backs works, keeping us safe and secure. how we look after the weak and frail is a the way to judge people. well we have seen how they have done that in past. so they can fuck off.
did like the vote labour you get more of the shame, vote lib dem it is just uncertainty.

clegg do things different can build a better fairer britain. with the lib dems we can change it for good. we can do so much better. fair taxes, smaller classes size, open politcs that you can trust again. chose the future you want. it can happen.

brown politics does matter. big causes we can fight for. differences between the parties. labour has polices for the future, the tories don't. things are too important for people who haven't thought through their policies. they are not ready for government. it is up to the people to decide. shit he did his smile thing, brown is not really good on tv.

the handshake thing is still pants.

so in summing up. both clegg and cameron are about inspiring us. brown happy enough just to tell us what the deal is.


kids and chances.
brown all about social mobility. perhaps not a great point from him as it seems it has not been brilliant under labour.
cameron give teachers and heads as captains of their ships. raise aspiration. big society. other organisations to come on in to run schools.
clegg raise the money spent on poorest kids to that spent on pupils of fee paying schools. sounds interesting. one to one tuition, smaller class sizes.

(i am flagging now - could be that i really don't care about kids)

perhaps the simple answer is that money into the educational system should be in at the start and not to the university end.

cameron - going back to basics. the 3rs, setting/ streaming. i almost agree with him.
again the simple answer is smaller class sizes. has been the answer for years, and i suspect it will be the answer in years to come. clegg comes closest to this.

clegg really works the camera.


benefits. i have paid taxes all my life and have retired, what are you going to do to encourage people not to live off benefits all their lives. or the-i-hate-the-scroungers-that-i-read-about-in-the-daily-mail question.
(and just to let you know i am rochelle has poured baby oil on herself but i am still concentrating on this, give me a medal.)

clegg lift income tax threshold is a good incentives. he says too many people make the sensible decision that when they do the sums that work is not always profitable.
brown says no life on the dole. forced to work. more about young people who are unemployed. compulsion to work. get those on incapacity off benefit and into work. work is about self-esteem.
cameron if you can work we will do all we can for you, but if you are offered a job but you don't take it you can't have benefits.

if ever there were signs that these people are not in touch with what is going on out there.
employment may be the way to self-esteem but minimum wage is not great.
they may as well start talking about the workhouse.
there may be a lot of benefit fraud going on out there, but there are a lot of employers who are happy to take the piss out of people.
of course none of them are going to campaign to see wages raised to a sensible and decent level.

now i have to say as a middle-aged (oh ok old) unemployed bloke i am bored with hearing about the effort of getting the youth back to work, think about the oldsters out there.

they all agree that benefits should be conditional. oddly i agree with them, but it isn't just about penalising those on benefits and look to what the employer should be doing. (yeah like that is going to happen).


housing. how can we afford a new house.

cameron people who work hard don't get good things, but those who don't save and work hard do get rewards. cut spending (yeah that helps). build more houses. shame you are part of a party who flogged off a huge amount of social housing.

clegg says open up the boarded up empty properties. great idea. local councils should be able to borrow to build more homes.
brown more building. more shared equity. more lending.

cameron says more part rent/part owned. reward responsibility these people can get equity from the council or housing association when they move up.

oh for fuck sake build more social housing, that is the sodding answer. it is not rocket science. at least clegg is advocating it.


oh look they have a black guy to ask a question about immigration. nice touch. his question is about being in touch with people.

brown says he wants to create jobs. wants to see more people in britain getting jobs in britain. cutting the number of people who can come into the country. he has pointed out the most basic point that if the people in the country were trained for work available there would be no need for immigrant labour - well accept for wage undercutting, but no one would do that would they?

cameron says immigration is too high and for too long. proper controls. transitional controls for new european companies. only wants 10s of thousands, he says it would be a better way of integrating people.

clegg we are there to serve the people and to act on their concerns (not that they will bring in the death penalty, but that is another story). clegg wants a regional approach, he wants a boarder force, he wants to deal with the criminal gangs who deal with illegal immigration.

brown knows people who are worried about to getting jobs. protecting jobs. training people up. talking about counting people in and out of the country. one wonders why they ever stopped doing this.
cameron has a pop at clegg for their 'amnesty', says it would make a bad situation worse. clegg points out that only boris is offering a blanket amnesty, he goes on to say it is a problem that does have to be dealt with and can't be ignored. clegg throws out 80% immigration from eu (which means that the government can't do anything about it) (shame that it turns out that the 80% is a made up figure - turns out it is around 40%, clegg hasn't been very good with his figures - he got it wrong when it was the number of pages in educational documents).
clegg does have something important to say about the 'good' illegals. as he says it is dealing with the world as it is.
clegg gets a nice dig in at cameron 'assume when you talk about our policy it is wrong', very nice but ruined by the 80% figure he uses.
brown says they are both wrong. but he would say that wouldn't.

cameron wants just 10s of thousands of immigrants.


clegg agrees we can't just have offices and shops. banks lending to manufacturing. invest in what we need for the future - housing, green industry, public transport.
brown creation of jobs in green, digital and bio-tech industries will be a big part of the future. banks lending (again. sounds like the solution is to nationalise the banks - won't hear that as a solution).
cameron investing in science base, invest in apprenticeships (sensible). make it easier to employ people. low taxes for businesses.

clegg points out that they are all pretty much in agreement on the basics.
brown points out that labour has increased apprenticeships and the number of people going to university (though we do need to cut down on the media degrees - they are only going to be sob stories on future x-factors).

cameron has a new catch phrase 'confusion between the economy and the government', have to help businesses employ people. government should buy more from small and medium businesses. though how all these new smaller contracts are going to be managed when you have cut all the back room staff isn't addressed.

(the recording that i have made from the tv is going spazzy - freeview box is toss.)

brown points out that cutting investments isn't going to help.
cameron points out that for all the hot air (see what i am doing here) from brown that we are not doing as well as we could be in renewables.
cameron goes on about how he is cutting taxes on businesses.

seems we have hit the half way point. so we get a bit about the snp and plaid cymru. do we care? no not really.


bankers bonuses and fairness.
cameron - it is unacceptable what has happened. bank levy. don't wait for the rest of the world do it now. banks to loan. retail banks not to engage in casino like deals.
clegg - no bonuses for bank directors. no cash bonuses over £2k. no bonuses from banks making losses.
brown - he helped banks in order to save savings and deposits. all about recapitalising the banks. needs a world wide levy.

cameron comes back and says that labour hitched the whole economy to the city. banks to be better regulated.
clegg says both labour and tories much too close to the city. he is right. split up the banks that way banks shouldn't be able to hold a gun to the head of the country.
brown is all about getting the money back from the banks.

only two mentions of obama. one from cameron and one from brown. has the magic of the big o, dwindled.

cameron on about the lib dems joining the euro. cameron is all about staying out of the euro and keep our currency. clegg says he isn't about joining the euro, which is not quite what they had in their manifesto. (paddy ashdown will later say that clegg is saying the same as the manifesto, but in a different way. dancing on the hed of a pin).

the graphic at the back of them is doing my head in.

clegg says there should be a 10% levy on banks profit.
brown says will get the money back - by selling on the shares that the country owns.
cameron talks about corporation tax for small businesses - quite how that equates to banks as small businesses is beyond me they all seem to make lots of money (even if they can only do it because we, the people, have bailed them out).


brown - accepts it has been tough. giving out tax credits. bangs on about the tory tax cuts of the very rich.
cameron - taxes more because government spend more. wants to stop the one tax he can: national insurance. tax credits will stay.
clegg - does his thing of getting nice with the questioner. he says we need to change the tax system make it fairer, close loop holes, make the rich pay more and make sure that it is fairer to those at the bottom.

cameron defends the inheritance tax. it should only be paid by the richest. not a top priority.
clegg slags this off. says it is about those who are struggling to pay the bills.
perhaps the answer isn't about tax, perhaps it is about making sure that employers pay decent wages? well we know that isn't going to happen.

have to say i agree with cameron - those over £50k shouldn't be getting tax credits. just as i am feeling some love for cameron he goes on about how it is brown's fault the economy is in the toilet. nothing to do with greedy bankers who have laughed all the way to the ...ahem.. bank,
(oh that is right from cameron's point of view they are wealth creators.)


about to start watching the leadership debate - i am giving up the joy of watching the lovely rochelle on babestation, she is a vote winner.

cameron tells us that we need to change to get the country out of a rut. get people working, tax banks and start making things here. oh and get value for money from public services. he is not joining the euro.

clegg tells us it is about us- you and me. a fairer economy. honest about cuts. rediscover a passion for building things. fair taxes. fairness and prosperity.

brown a quick reference to his faux pas, then a bit about his record, and he says he will protect britain from a potential euro lead recession.

none of them like euro.

here comes the questions. first up spending cuts: be honest and tell us what they are going to be.
clegg says he has done. scrapping biometeric passports, no to the eurofighter, public pay freeze.
brown has set out a 4 year reduction plan. fair tax rises and spending cuts. not allowing front line areas to be cut. savings elsewhere. (of course the question is why have you waited until now for these cuts?)
cameron yup there are going to have to be cuts, but will protect front line staff. there will be difficult things. public sector pay freeze, people will have to retire a year later. get the economy growing.

so far no real cuts there. all about savings. clegg says it is a case of not knowing what the situation is. clegg banging on about politicians putting the country first. hear hear.
brown says there will be cuts in several departments. there will be cuts in capital investment. public sector pay and pension to be hit. brown hits cameron's cuts. support the economy.
cameron says his savings is all about 1 in £100. risk to the recovery isn't waste but the national insurance rise.
brown reiterates that don't cut until the recovery is sorted.
cameron says start with benefits - mmm can you say workhouse. where are the jobs? oh yeah you mean get people working at minimum wages while you cut taxes for the rich. tosser.
clegg. fairness. nice to talk about, we all want it. but how. tell me.

brown winning this one.

Thursday, April 29, 2010


just heard a voter say that if she votes for nick clegg then she should get nick clegg. comparing it to her ordering desert in a restaurant. yup that is how democracy works.

the polls have cameron as the winner at the moment. no shock there.
seems the rochdale incident has made no differences.

oh farage is on. he looks as odd as gove. farage could be character from the muppets.
the greens say leave personality out of it and concentrate on the message.
the bnp said something but my tv chose that moment to go into digital spaz attack.

newsnight over so i am checking out 'family guy' not as funny as the leadership debate, once i have had a few chuckles i will get back into the debate. (it is not the best family guy episode.)

i know you want me to.


the journalist from the times - says cameron was good. i wonder why? any bias?
a labour bloke says brown very good on substance.
lib dem lass says brown was dead in the water.

times journalist says it is a time for change election - but is it?

oh ok i take it back - sometimes they are tossers.

they are saying that the debates were great for democracy. were they? or have they just reduced it all down to a personality contest between three talking heads?


they are going on about the worm.
sometimes i think that social media shouldn't be allowed to be involved in this sort of thing. citizen journalism is wank.
after all - look at the shit i am putting out.

apparently it isn't what is said - it is how it is said.
so we might as well let su-bo take control of the economy. cowell can be the chancellor.

i am sure there is science behind it all - but it seems sad that we are going to be lead by sound bites.
oh fuck me there is a word cloud generator.
on and now twitter - fuck me. only 33,000 tweeters. on well. and look they are picking out 'funny' tweets - except that they are not funny.
here we go stuff from facebook. all of them showing why that perhaps it should be about the experts and not people like me.


back home from the hustings.
have eaten and now listening to the analysis of the leadership debate.
just heard ashdown say that this is now a two horse race between clegg and cameron. what is he smoking?
very odd listening to the analysis without knowing what was said.
oh there is michael gove saying cameron winning- he is an odd fish.

paddy ashdown is the more interesting of the political commentators.
gove looks like a puppet. plus he is very rude.
yvette cooper says it is about jobs. she is a bit foxy. though that is me going off message.

gove going on about immigration. he says that there should be a limit on the number of people who can come into the country. though he still says that tens of thousands of people can come in.
ashdown - there is a hidden problem with illegal immigration (gove loves interrupting - mind you it worked because ashdown didn't get to finish his point). oh he is going on about it. he says the lib dems do have a policy: amnesty.


for some inexplicable reason my local council is having a meet the councillors evening at the same time that the leadership debate is on.
smart planning.
so i am off to hear what the locals have to say.
i will record the debate and comment on it later.
i know you were all looking forward to reading me at the same time as hearing brown, cameron and clegg pontificate, but sadly not tonight.
(what do you mean you don’t read it....?)

Friday, April 23, 2010


this st george's day.
lovely weather out there - going to take some photos of pretty people in silly clothes. i really don't understand fashion.

Thursday, April 22, 2010


polls - mmm two polls have put brown last. i wonder if the fact that both of them are for murdoch papers has nothing to do with those results.
sky doing there bit to kick brown. so much for unbiased coverage. more proof that the bbc is essential.

bring on the third debate.


some of the analysis is painful
bob ainsworth less than secure with his defence of gordon brown.
the bickering between ainsworth, michael gove and chris huhne - the most entertaining of the night. i think if they had the chance they would slap each other.
schoolyard bullies. funny to a point but very pathetic in the end.

earlier there was a moment of incredulity as the bnp spokesperson said that britain could be an islamic republic. the poor lass from the bbc had trouble not dropping her jaw down to the floor.

now sky are doing presentational stuff. perhaps that is the downfall of these debates, as we move further down the american route.


the handshaking at the end was pretty wanky.
now it is the analysis and trying to work out who has won the debate.

oh the bbc have lead this analysis with scotish national party. like we care what they say.


summing up. brown says the buck stops with him. maybe that should be the euro? or the pound. brown is in the position of being able to say that he has done some big choices.
he claims cameron is a risk to the economy. clegg a risk to security.

cameron says brown is sounding desperate. vote tory get something new. oh family values, pretty sure that is old tory. build big society. shame he didn't offer a free pony to everyone.

clegg shape the world. all about acting differently. something exciting happening. coming closest to doing an obama. his summing up more about hope and the future than slagging off the other two.

clegg wins the summing up.


clegg - border controls. direct people to areas of the country. amnesty on illegals.
brown - not for an amnesty. labour control and manage via point system, looking to reduce the number of skills we need to get from abroad. can't argue with that.
cameron - we have benefitted from immigration (and strong society). too much recently, need to cap it.

cameron having a pop at clegg over regional immigration. real change says cammeron. still not sure what he is going to do.
clegg asks them not to ignore the issue as it is - that there are illegal who are working for criminals and not for the taxman.

each of them have been able to point to the other two squabbling.

cameron seems to think that it has only been a problem under labour, rose tinted glasses in play there. was an issue under the tories as well.

clegg seems to want to deal with an clear and present issue - while david and gordon seem to skirt that.


should we have a coalition government?
cameron says in some cases yes. doesn't want a hung parliament. not quite the answer the question demanded. cameron is saying no.
clegg thinks there should be some working together on some things. potential for working together - but no coalition.
brown says we also have some of this - but not with the shadow ministers.

so they all skirt the question. all say it would be nice and friendly, but in the end they want to be in power.

they have had to be reminded about the question.

cameron is back on the job tax.

clegg comes closest to answering the question - but he has the most to win in a coalition situation.

brown pays lip service to working together.
in the end it seems cameron and brown can't even think about working together - it brings them both out in hives.

cameron said 'day one' tosser. that phrase should be banned. it doesn't make you hip and trendy.

brown says the priority is making the economy stronger and secure.

not sure any of them really care about the question - they are just bickering and cameron gets a laugh from pointing that out.


state pension.
brown pension to be linked to average earnings. women to get full state pension. dignity in retirement.
cameron says dignity and security in old age - so the state does have something to. men to retire a year later.
clegg points out the other costs that pensioners have to meet. fuel costs - well that is what happens when those companies can earn shit loads without social responsibility, perhaps cameron's big society would do well to start there.

crikey brown has thrown down a gauntlet.
cameron claims it is all scare tactics, and that labour is lying.

clegg about people before politics.

cameron and brown ready to go to handbags. have to give it to cameron, as much as it pains me.


on to the question of does your vote count.
pretty simple answer - yes.

cameron on about expenses. i don't think it is that big a deal. oh he is going on about cutting the size of parliament again. though that goes against his idea of bringing people into politics - reduce the number of people who represent us, it makes it harder for voices to be heard.

clegg - old party politics. again. too late to register now.

brown ashamed of some of the mps. can't help but think that no matter what any of the leaders say about this is all crocodile tears.

cameron says politicians have treated the public as mugs. he goes on about responsibilities as well. we have to change the country. in which case why do we need them? as brown says you can't run the health service as a diy project.

clegg says politics shouldn't be a job for life. he might be right there.

cameron says fairness. brown points out cameron's fairness is for the richest.

clegg really is working that 'old politics'.


correction - murdoch and co are not petty. they are allowing the debate to be shown on bbc news 24.
i take it back. i was wrong. don't sue me.

(thanks to my pal paul for pointing it out to me.)

now watching it on the bbc rather than sky. call me a rebel.


pope in britain. should he be allowed in?
cameron says yes - but not fully in agreement with the catholic church. says faith is good.
clegg - he is not a man of faith, his wife is catholic. welcomes the visit, but hopes there is greater recognition of errors of the church.
brown - has met some of those who were victims. so the church has to deal with the problems. but he welcomes the pope's visit.

so agreement there.

cameron on about tolerance, and as he points out they all seem to agree.

peace on earth has broken out.


cameron says green is all about doing your house up. all part of the big society.

clegg not anti-nuclear, as such, just doesn't think it is worth it. more insulation.
(with every vote this year get some cladding.)

oh brown mentioned young guys and girls. icky.
sort of saves himself by saying it is all about a balanced plan.

cameron goes on about gas supplies. oi poshboy you lot made the gas private, so should the government pay for the storage facilities for the private companies? (mind you labour didn't help by not stopping selling these things off to foreign companies).

clegg says america is important, but not something we should follow without questions.

brown gets a nice soundbite "big society at home, little britain abroad.'


green issues. what have they done in their personal lives to be green.
oh smugness abounds.
gordon has a solar panel and just use trains.
david proper insulation.
fucking hell they are british gas advert.

now cameron is going on about high speed rail. good for him.

nick says he doesn't do enough. i am betting he won a lot of points there from the rest of the country who feel the same.


cameron says an independent nuclear capability is important and necessary.
clegg makes the sensible point that terrorists seem to be the enemies and they are not someone you can target with nuclear bombs.
brown tells clegg to get real.
blimey charlie cameron agrees with him.


failed states and uk participation. will we go in?
clegg says yes - if it is about keeping us safe (us being the uk, rather than the united states). he goes on to say that has to be done with the right kit and right strategy. which makes sense.
brown - says that afghanistan is necessary as it because of a chain of terror and we have to take it on wherever it is found.
cameron - what will make us safer. bring all policy together in order to make ourselves safer. oh he supports afghanistan, but not doing it right.

clegg argues for a real defence review. don't renew trident. can't argue with him there.
(am already bored with him going on about 'old' style of politics, almost as much as cameron and his 'change'.)
brown pays tribute to forces.
cameron talks about being 'blown away' by the forces in afghanistan - perhaps a poor choice of words. his joke falls flat. (oh get him he has been out running with someone who served in afghanistan.)
(amazing how they have all been over there, shame none of them have served.)


got to the debate late (again) (no shock there).
will be interesting to see whether or not gordon and david agree with nick tonight. i doubt it.
interestingly sky have not let the bbc air the debate on 5live like itv did. who knew murdoch and co. could be so petty.

europe first question up.
looks like david is on his own. no surprises there. will europe be the chink in the tory armour.

have just noticed clegg's chin. crikey that is a big thing.

brown makes the economic point: europe means job.
cameron says there is a real difference between the parties because he will in europe and but not ruled by europe.
crikey clegg has gone about nutters and homophobes, and brown gets a laugh - and then goes on about jobs.

cameron is all about standing up for britain in europe.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010


i know you will find this hard to believe but there are many things i can’t do. i can’t translate latin into greek, quadratic equations leave me scratching my head, juggling while riding a unicycle is beyond me and as for splitting the atom let’s not go there. among the other things i can’t do is read a map.
yup i can’t read a map. i am the benjamin netanyahu of road maps.
normally it isn’t that much of an issue; i can muddle along and get to where i need to get to. that is occasionally my downfall.
the election is coming up fast. been looking at my local candidates, weighing up the choices. made my decision. oh hold on a minute i don’t think i registered to vote. blinking heck better check on that. ooops nope haven’t done it. no worries have a couple of days to sort it out.
first stop the local idea store to get a voter registration form. don’t have enough time to post it, so i will have to drop it off, not a worry. time to do that. form filled in. easy peasy. will drop it off in the morning. checked the map and it looks like a bit of a trek, but a good way to start the day.
form in bag. sleep.
wake up. check map again. shitaboogey but i got that wrong. it is much further away than i thought. ok check buses. the 15 gets me close, the 115 gets me a little closer, the 135 is no good. make notes as to where i need to get off and then walk to. all going to plan, but plan is going to have to change because i have to be somewhere else, will go in the afternoon.
afternoon now and time to get a move on. will pass on the first bus, too many people. get the next one. blimey timed this wrong, too many school kids going home. why do they let them out so early? why do they let them out at all?
not been this far down the commercial road for months.
check my notes as to where i need to get off. be on the lookout for cotton street. curse myself for not bringing my a-z with me.
there goes all saints dlr station.
getting there.
hold on this is canning town. too far for sure.
get off. look there is a community centre – they should be able to give me directions. they can, but they are as good as mine: “catch the 115”. hold on there is a library next door. find an a-z there. make notes. how stupid have i been? overshot by a fair bit. still just a straight walk back. back along the barking road onto the east india dock road and just try to find nutmeg lane.
what is the time? cripes getting close to 5.30 and they will be closed. pick up the pace. mmm this is an ugly part of town. oh just what i hate a road that doesn’t have a name on it. is it the one i want? no idea. look there is a security guard. he confirms it is nutmeg lane – can get to clover crescent from here. (could also go to saffron avenue, coriander avenue and oregano drive – if i wanted to. who know jamie also did town planning).
get to the town hall. hand in the voter registration just before 5.30pm. receptionist says she will mark it as if it came in at 5pm. i thanked her (didn’t bother pointing out that i have until midnight to get it in – that would have been churlish of me).
job done. relief.
let's go to canary wharf. not been there in a long while. walk? nope. catch the dlr. not been on the dlr for an age, i still love it. mmm lots of nice looking ladies. gotta love office hours. grab a coffee at canary wharf, watch the world go by. go into tesco – fancy some of their very nice pasta. look at the queue. will pass on that. jump onto the dlr that is at the platform. oh piss it is for stratford. get off at west india and wait for a bank train. there it is. homeward bound.
plan carried out. aims achieved. labour vote sorted.
if gordon brown gets in it is down to me.
i am labour and labour 2010 is my idea.

Friday, April 16, 2010


bloody typical.
won't pay us back what they owe.
will send us all their ash.
sodding icelanders. bastards.

Thursday, April 15, 2010


the public are talking about the debate.
one of the more annoying criticisms is that they didn't mention the concern that the particular member of the public was most interested in.
someone has complained that clegg had his hands in his pockets.
no one seems to have changed their minds about who they are going to vote for.

someone has mentioned that it was well rehearsed - i suspect that they would have preferred it to be more on the lines of a 'it's a generation game knockout on ice factor' game show, the leaders would have no idea of what game or task they had to do, but while they were doing it (in a large cartoon comedy suit) they would also have to tell us their policy on health and education.

some bod from ukip has described the event as boring. i guess that really does sum up just how important ukip is: not very.
though it does point to brand extension of the debates - the second stringers- ukip, the greens, respect, bnp and the pirate party (yes there is one) can all have their say about the important questions of the day.

bring on the second debate.


clegg has been announced as the 'winner' of the debate by the first yougov poll.
how come they never ask me?


closing statements.
clegg - oh thank you for sticking with us. patronising or what? cleverly he is mentioning all the people who have raised questions. nice touch. reminds us all that he is there and that you don't have a choice between two there is a third way (to quote blair).
give real change a chance - is what clegg said.

brown - picks on one question. highlighting how to get through the crisis. money in the economy. secure the recovery. fair to nhs and schools.

cameron - hope over fear, well that cuts you lot out then doesn't cameron as we all know what you are going to do. values is what he is about. crikey he has moved on from thatcher, he has gone straight to major.

oh mr stewart has given us all his heartfelt thanks for the questions sent in but not used.

it is all over.
i think it was a draw.

tony livesey on 5live said 'did you recognise that? it was history.'


last question - about looking after the elderly.
one thing that has come from the debate is that we all want things and they all cost money, we are less keen to pay for these things.

cameron has provided his idea - put £8k aside at 65 and there will be help for you to ensure that there is no need to sell your house.
clegg - says why don't the politicians all come together, drop their differences and come up with a solution. hell clegg why not do that for all problems and issues.
brown - less airy fairy than the others and more details. perhaps that is his problem, he gives too many details. maybe a few jokes would have helped him. surely there are some oap jokes out there?

clegg banging on about his week off for carers. says none of them have a perfect solution.
cameron also on about a consensus.
there is a danger of a group hug here.


growing old and getting ill.
brown - more home helps. personal guarantees.

cameron - i am never going to believe him and his 'love' of the nhs.

clegg - goes on about wasting money. look at what has been spunked away on the computer system. very true it isn't working, but that is more a sign that private companies can be very shit at doing what they say they will do, but are quite happy to take the cash for their inability to do their job.

clegg and cameron - go on about managers and administrators. like somehow it works itself.

cameron again bangs on about the national insurance - don't increase and then all of a sudden there will be lots of money for cancer drugs.

clegg reminds cameron that he can't do everything with that extra money. cameron tells him that the nhs is an exception.

if i am honest clegg is coming out on top, with cameron coming second.
but brown was never going to do well, as he isn't a natural orator.


armed forces.
not paid enough. not well equipped enough.
none of the leaders will give the sensible answer: we need to look at how we commit the forces and quite what we expect them to do.

pull them out of afghanistan. no longer follow america's lead. we shouldn't try to punch above our weight anymore.
there needs to be a serious re-evaluation as to what we want the armed forces to do and then cut our cloth accordingly.

all three of the leaders have managed to call the forces brave.


protecting economic growth.
cameron - economy moving and growing. save £6bn. stops the tax on jobs (national insurance increase). he has quoted the business leaders who support him, if they had their way they would drop the national minimum wage. funny thing is cameron would agree with them.

clegg - he can save £15bn. he wants to scrap trident replacement. he is right.

brown reminds everyone that it is a global crisis. something that cameron seems to not know (or just lies about, guess which one i think it is).

when it comes to the economy and the recovery i am with brown, with a smidgen of clegg. cameron is a tory and so he is a lying tosspot. simple analysis.

crikey clegg is talking about a unified government to deal with crisis.

cameron says we are all going to have to come together on this to share the pain - that means the poor suffer, while the rich sit back and go 'oh we are the wealth creators love us..'

brown is right the private sector isn't going to make the difference on their own.

cameron asks why do bosses say the national insurance hike is wrong? simple they don't like paying more - which is why your idea of referundums on council tax is stupid. we don't like it when these businesses put their prices up.

clegg also made the point about getting rid of id cards. again simple and sensible idea.


education up next.
oh a student doesn't want to be examined - he just wants to learn for learnings sake.
strangely cameron agrees with him. oh no he mentioned red tape. again. his bugbear. schools to be set free to do what they want. nice.

clegg. sweden has a national ciriculum of 16 pages. not very detailed then is it. he repeated the 4000 pages that cameron has just mentioned. no more micromanaging from a liberal democratic government.

they all talk about higher and improving standards.

cameron - it starts with discipline in the schools. i would agree with him, but really it starts with the parents. schools shouldn't be made to be the parents. find a way to make sure that parents are responsible.

clegg - smaller classes. again simple idea. clever idea. means more money, but money well spent.

cameron wants those who administer schools in whitehall to work in sackcloth and to sit on milk crates.

alastair stewart cuts in every now and then to try to make it look like he is keeping control. he should be allowed to administer electric shocks, especially when cameron does his saving £1 in every £100.

come on gordon you don't have a kid in a state school - the others are telling everyone how their kiddies are in the state sector. they are beating you on that.


cameron - cut the size of parliamnet? what the fuck. no. how can you talk about people power and then go on about cutting down the number of people who represent us. more members of parliament not fewer.

oh gordon has come in with house of lords as to be cut down. much better than cutting than members of parliament.

cameron has done his - which company hasn't had to cut to get more for less? well not virgin trains, not british gas - all they do is put up their prices.
a stupid analogy cameron.


i think they are going to scratch each other's eyes out.
handbags at dawn.

it is speed debating.

(what does it matter what people do when it comes to asking questions?)
(groan mp's expenses have been raised.)


debate between the leaders is on.
i missed the start. immigration. done in a few minutes. perhaps the debates are not going to be all they have been cracked up to be.

law and order now.
cameron - more police on the streets and less paperwork. have to say i have never had any problems with them doing paperwork. i want to know that they are accountable.
all three of them talk about more police on the street.
no shit sherlock.

cameron - is close to saying that drug addicts might as well be chained up and go cold turkey.
clegg - stop youngsters from becoming future criminals. he makes the point that prison is an academy for criminal training. change their behaviour.
brown - oh dear what his dad did!
seems to come down to kids being bored. maybe it is that kids don't have respect for authority or adults anymore. perhaps the answer is less in 'young people' and 'youth mayors' and more in discipline. just a thought.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010


thanks to the new marxist leninist version of the conservatives with their wolfie smith cry of ‘power to the people’ the country knows that we are all in this together.
well when they say we are all in it together and we are all going to share the pain – they really mean that the public sector is going to feel the pain, because private companies are the wealth creators and innovators (these would be the same wealth creators and innovators who have been responsible for some of the very large overspends in government information technology programmes – capitalism at its very best: taking the money and laughing all the way to the bank as you provide a shit service).
it is ok though. just as the conservatives kick the public services they are offering ordinary people the chance to take over their local services and run them the way they want to (the money will, of course, still be coming from the state). see more people power.
even better they are promising to remove bureaucracy and red tape. true they are offering us the chance to have endless referendums about pretty much anything as long as enough people sign a petition. in the era of facebook that is hardly a challenge. expect the first of every month to be referendum day. and look they are going to let us vote on council tax raises – oh well i can tell you how that will play out – no, no, no and no again. (see mr. cameron i have bought into your scheme – and my contribution has saved local councils wodges of cash – no need to have that vote on the council tax i have told you the results for the next 10 years in every council in the land).
(don’t hold your breath for a vote on whether or not the national minimum wage should increase.)
there is something wonderful about the ‘big society’ idea. there is also something impractical about it. in the hands of the conservatives it is just another way to make sure that the state does as little as possible to protect the weak while helping the rich line their pockets.
the cordial invitation that david cameron has issued for us all to join the government is akin to a carnival game – you know it is fixed and rigged but you can’t help yourself you want to give it a go. it sounds a noble project – government of the people, by the people, for the people – can’t think of anyone who wouldn’t sign up for that sort of thing. it is just that under the conservatives you just know what the invitation amounts to is a long letter that basically abdicates responsibility on the part of the conservative leadership.
my rsvp won’t be in the post.

Thursday, April 08, 2010


i love helicopters. i know nothing about them. i couldn’t tell a chinook from a lynx if your life depended on it. my love of them has nothing to do with knowledge or recognition – it might be the noise they make, it might just be that they have big whirly things on them or it might just be that they look oh so cool.
there isn’t an action movie that hasn’t been improved by the appearance of a helicopter or three. i am pretty sure that even citizen kane would have benefitted from at least one scene with a chopper in it. hell even stockhausen got in on the act with his helicopter string quartet.
helicopters were in the news again today.
during the last prime minister’s questions of the current parliament david cameron used some of his questions to talk about helicopters. or more accurately the lack of helicopters for the british armed forces in iraq and afghanistan. it was a clever ploy that continues cameron’s strategy of sowing doubt over gordon brown’s competency as prime minister and (as an added bonus) as chancellor. fortunately for cameron such attacks are aided by brown’s hubristic weakness of never being able to admit to a previous error. all too often brown has lost ground by not admitting there had been mistakes in the past, but like all governments errors will occur and labour under brown will provide the right solution. do that a couple of times and cameron would have been so wrong footed he would now be chasing the liberal democrats rather than looking like the next prime minister.
another outcome of never saying mea culpa is that you can’t go on the attack and ask: “well what would you do?” so in the case of the helicopters brown couldn’t very easily ask cameron where he planned on magicing up new helicopters from, especially as the prospective tory government is all about cutting spending. (unless the conservatives favourite helicopter maker, westland, still owe them a favour or two? i doubt it very much).
ask that of cameron and i think you have him in a corner. brown couldn’t and didn’t.
yet david cameron has given gordon brown the perfect election present – if he would but take it.
it is a winning strategy; it is a dyed in the wool, solid gold vote winner. much better than giving each soldier their own helicopter and the electorate their own pony.
oh i can hear you cry – what is it pat, just tell us.
it is simple. all gordon brown has to do is announce that he is radically cutting the british presence in afghanistan and he is going to do it on an accelerated schedule. eat your heart out mandelson, pure fucking political genius on my part. just a shame it is not going to happen.
there was a time when the ‘war on terror’ sort of made sense. not sure that holds true anymore. britain entered the war standing shoulder to shoulder with the usa, a show of faith, a show of trust, a show of common beliefs in what was right. it was the ‘special relationship’ writ large. all the relationship seemed to get us was a lot of dead squaddies and a severe financial crisis. in short: we got shafted.
with a change of prime minister and a change of president it was obvious some things would change. it seems that president obama doesn’t like gb – the country or the prime minister. the special relationship isn’t special any more. president obama is off courting other allies. let’s not look at this as a set back, instead let’s look at it as an opportunity. time to get out from under. time to reassess our place in the world and time to stop trying to punch above our weight on the international stage.
start with pulling the troops out from afghanistan. let the new american allies take up the slack, that is what allies do.
the benefit to gordon brown and new labour is that it shows that that can be daring, that they can make the difficult choices. if you are not fighting an unwinnable ‘war’ you are not spending lots of cash – all of which goes towards cutting that deficit. if you are not fighting the war your troops are not getting killed. while putting clear distance between us and the americans brown shows he is different from blair by not shadowing the americans while showing the rest of the world that we are not going to blindly follow the american lead on everything.
it is a vote winner.
best of all: if you don’t get elected as prime minister you have really put a spanner in the works for david cameron. come on gordon that alone has got to be worth it.

(coming soon: pat reforms the united nations and publishes his new diet book: ‘you are fat and it is his fault’.)

Wednesday, April 07, 2010


did you hear it?
the sound of fury that swept over the city and echoed through the countryside.
did you hear the billowing cry?
the siren song of misery and self pity that shook the nation.
did you hear it?
were you woken by the thunderclap of anger?
yes today was the day when the highest rate of tax was raised to 50p for those earning more than £150,000 a year. crikey how the experts moaned and whined.
hear them cry, hear them sob, hear them whinge. such a commotion you would think that they were being asked to work for minimum wage.
why us they asked? we are the wealth creators they told us. you can’t treat us like this they opine, we are special, we are the wealth creators. love us. if you tax us too much we will leave, we will take our money and wealth creation and go somewhere else.
do you know what my reply is? fuck off then and don’t let the door hit your arse on the way out.
funny thing about most of these globally mobile wealth creators they all seem to be in the financial industry and are ready to up sticks to geneva at the first sign of a tax hike (poor switzerland we give it phil collins, lewis hamilton and now some jumped up greedy accountants – does little to spruce up their already dull image). now correct me if i am wrong but isn’t the reason why the tax has been increased is because there were some shifty dealings going on in the financial industry to start with?
oh it was.
can’t expect them to bear any of the pain. that is for the little chap, the poor chap and the chap who is just doing ok.
seems that if you can claim to be a wealth creator it entitles you to take a big steaming pooh on the heads of everyone (that was just for cliff: politics and shit).
so how many people are affected by the new tax rate of 50p? well not me for a start. i would be doing naked cartwheels down the street if i were in a position to have to pay that much tax (and i promise now that if i am ever in a position where i have to pay the top rate of tax then i will indeed do naked cartwheels in the street for charity – you can take that to the bank). according to the bbc it is 300,000 people who will pay the top rate of tax out of the 29 million tax payers in britain.
oh my heart bleeds for them.
now i may have said this before, and i am sure i will say it again, these so called wealth makers can fuck off if they so wish. they may like to think that they are as rare as unicorns but we all know that really they are not.
in each of the offices that these people are in there is some young studly dudley who thinks that they can do the job cheaper and better. in any other set of jobs these roles would have been outsourced to india or china by now. it is a fallacy to believe that these people are irreplaceable: they are not.
for the time being they will squeal like stuck piggies, claim that their wealth trickles down to the rest of us and argue that raising their tax is disastrous for the rest of us.
still i have a solution.
they are rich, they like to spend their money (after all that is the only way it can trickle down to rest of us), so let’s raise vat on very luxury items. you want a pair of jimmy choo’s? then have a dose of 20% vat dear girl. you want to deck yourself out in something or another from stella mccartney, well pay that 20% vat. you want a tag heuer watch that may are may not have been made with left over parachute material from suez crisis and a bit of chocolate some bloke nibbled on while in colditz, then it is time for you to pay 20% vat. if you are going to sit down in one of gordon ramsey’s fucking restaurants to eat some of his fucking expensive food then you can fucking well pay the 20% vat.
meanwhile the rest of us who are buying our clothes from primark and our food from tesco don’t have to worry about vat being imposed on food or clothes.
not only have i made vat progressive but i have also allowed the rich to shop till they drop knowing that they are helping the rest of us to come out of recession.
they get to stay here (ok that is a downside to it).
they get to spend their money on pointless luxury goods.
they get to tell us all how their wealth trickles down. .
they get to remind us how they are wealth creators.
money comes into the treasury.
we are all happy.

just another simple reason why i should be in charge.

Sunday, April 04, 2010


it started with a moment of near disaster.
a small fart that hinted at a follow through, and stopped short of kissing cotton. the smell just shy of hell's sewage, enough to singe eyebrows and choke cows.
it should have set alarm bells ringing.
it didn't.
a good night of sleep. waking up the sun in the sky, and all is well with the world.
oh spoke too soon.
a rumble in the tum.
a small parp.
another rumble.
a clench of cheeks and a 'oh no!'
dash! dash! dash! rush! rush! get to the toilet, don't stop, get to the toilet.
nooooooo - the seat is down. don't panic.
quick. quick.
sit down.
shit down.
gushing out. who knew you could evacuate that much stuff in so little time.
oh wow get a whiff of that, gag me with a spoon as frank zappa once said (well actually it was moon who said it, but frank wrote it).
have to say feel much better now. time to get on with the rest of the day.
oh no.
hold on.
bombs away.
more coming out.
and out.
and out.
and out.
crikey who knew that shitting out half your body weight could be so tiring? after all super-models do it all the time (see i can even make this social commentary).
nose hairs have been burnt away by the stench.

phew glad that is all over.

hold on, there is another rumble.
another trip to the toilet.
splash down.

by the fourth trip there i have developed a ring of fire. mmm that might be what it feels like to have deep heat rubbed into your arse (not that anyone would want that - though it used to be a jolly jape to smear it onto a rugby player's jock strap, another of those things i never really understood about rugby humour).

those of you have gotten this far will be pleased to know that i am back to just defecating at a regular rate and a regular consistency. let me tell you: it is bliss.