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Wednesday, October 31, 2007


so the london office is closed.
one countdown finished. end of an era.
start of a new countdown. start of a very short new dawn.

i am going to miss this place. and i am going to miss the people here.

(don't worry it will be back to political pat very soon...)

Monday, October 29, 2007


it says something when a member of the royal family is being blackmailed.
the idea that any of them would be worried by the release of a story about what they get up is one that causes curiosity, after all unless they are having sex with dead animals while snorting drugs off the slick bodies of javanese go-go dancers dressed in her maj's knickers - it strikes me there is little that they can do to raise the public eyebrow.

oh look it is someone banging on about a homosexual act. so what? if two consenting adults want to play with each others male bits what do we care? it is not like it is illegal.
oh they did drugs. again so what? we know it is frowned by the law, but hey ho it goes on and why should we be surprised that anyone who has access to a lot of cash and has lots of "friends" gets hold of some illicit mind-bending substances?

mmm one of their hangers on has shopped them.
looks like it is a minor royal. no doubt someone looking for publicity in order to launch some dull slow witted scheme they have.

for a family that somehow managed to kill of di by arranging a series of coincidences that led to her crashing into a large bit of brick, you would have thought that they would have been sensible enough to make sure that no one caught them on film doing naughty things.
perhaps you just let your guard down among friends.
ah well that is one lesson they won't forget soon: toffs are tossers.
(see a little bit of class war in there for you! freedom to the people!)

here is the thing though if it was blackmail then why aren't the people who were trying to do it on their way to jail? or are they going to get a good smacking from the security team that let them get the photos?
it is a little like "the sun" journalists (well they say it is a newspaper)do those stories about security breaches. come on admit you know you want to read the headline "sun journo gunned down in security success". not so much because it is proof positive that the security measures are adequate. it is more that there will be less "sun" jounro doing the rounds.

Thursday, October 25, 2007


and because here at blogspot we like to spoil you here are even more (but because i hae posted this lot after the first lot i posted you will read this before you see that making this the bit that is before the more... it all gets confusing like a 1960s dc comics batman time paradox).

anyway enjoy.

(can you spot the deliberate error?)

Wednesday, October 24, 2007


look i know what you are all saying “there is something missing!” no not maddy (who do you think i am patrick keilty? at least with me there is a chance i am going to be funny.)
pictures that’s what has been missing.
guess what?
they are back.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Saturday, October 20, 2007


england lost.
it seems so wrong. they came so close.
i feel deflated.

but i have to say that run of wins that england put together in order to get to the final does leave me feeling proud.

so bring on the six nations.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007


i am starting a campaign to ban the use of the phrase "minute one". it doesn't make the user sound any more exciting, it doesn't make them seem any more knowledgeable, and it certainly doesn’t make them hip or trendy.
when it is used in place of "from the first minute", "right from the start", "from the beginning" or other such phrases i don't get a feeling of increased speed or of heightened impetus.

so stop using it right this second, or should that be second one.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007



there is talk of a speed restriction for cars of 20 miles per hour in built up areas. the reason for this is that it could halve the number of pedestrian deaths a year.
seems reasonable.
not if you are a driver.

at this point i have to declare my lack of driving skills. the one time i tried to drive i quickly discovered that i would be very dangerous behind the steering wheel. i don’t have a problem with cars per se. quite happy to accept a lift (thanks paul!) and i still have very fond memories of phil’s 2cv (i am not sure i have ever forgiven him for selling it).

what i have a problem is, for want of a better phrase, car culture. car culture comes to the fore when there are discussions about such things as speed cameras or speed reductions. then all of a sudden the car lobby throws its toys out of the pram.
speed cameras are just means of making money, they cry. fine then just don’t speed and then the cameras end up costing the government money. see there you have a stuck a blow against the autocratic government. even better you haven’t broken the law.
oh lowering the speed we can drive at means people have to keep looking at their speedometers and not at the road. surely you are doing that if the limit is 30, 40 or 50 miles an hour?
accidents are noting to do with the driver or the car; it is all to do with the fact that there are not enough roads or the roads are old. oh that is fine we’ll just build more – we don’t need houses in urban areas just make way for more roads!

i have no sympathy for the moany drivers; especially as most of them think that clarkson is a bit of a hero. like their hero the drivers see themselves as promoting freedom, they are against the nanny state, they are fighting the good fight for liberty: “you’ll have to pry this gear stick out of my cold dead hand….” of course none of them admit to the fact they want to be boy racers and have visions of themselves driving very very fast and looking very very cool. except very few of them are lewis hamilton.

it is odd how most drivers seem to be able to drive within the speed limit and never get caught by speed cameras. obviously they are doing something wrong and are letting the side down.

Sunday, October 14, 2007


Well I consider myself to be on the portly side of obese (kinda cuddly in a nice santa/ teddy bear way rather than a large walking tub of lard. I know it is subjective, but for the moment I am the right side of the fat line, only just mind).
The obesity row has been going on for sometime, and looking around you can see a lot of fat people getting fatter (I can also see a lot of men wearing their trousers beneath their arses which is equally disturbing).
There are lots of reasons for the growth of girth (fuck that is good I am copyrighting that right now). The decline of competitive sports in schools, the lack of school playing fields, the growth of stranger danger which stops kids playing out in the street, the growth of sedentary activities such as computer games, tv/dvds and the internet, longer working hours, the prevalence of fast foods, the composition of foods the list can go on and on.
there is a class issue here in that often the most at risk are the poorest. the ease of fast food and ready made meals make them an all too often first choice (I have to put my hand up here and say “it’s a fair cop guv, guilty as charged”) rather than get hold of individual ingredients and cook a meal.
So obesity grows (well it could hardly shrink) and we are storing up problems for the future in the same way porkers store transfats (see now that is what I call comedy).

Sure there are people who are genetically predisposed to be on the large side, there are some who have medical conditions that make them pile on the pounds.
The fact is that most of us who carry a few too many extra pounds and stones around with us are victims of our own desires and laziness. We eat too much and we do too little so we become fat, fatter and fattastic
We can blame who we like but in the end we are the people who stuff our faces.
It is we who need to get a grip on our habits and resist.

The state can play a large part. It can do it through education by explaining that what a healthy lifestyle is and how we can maintain one, encouraging exercise. It can do it by law by requiring that food manufacturers adopt an easily understandable labelling system that allows the consumer to know what they are buying (a simple warning: “steer clear of this if you don’t want to break the scales” would suffice). the state could look to make sure that there are local leisure facilities available at reasonable prices.

All that said a little more moderation on the subject wouldn’t be a bad thing.
We’ll ignore the talk about body mass index, which goes out the window if you exercise a lot.
But it is hard to pass up on the hyperbole of obesity being as serious a crisis as climate change (here, dear reader, I am assuming you agree that such a thing is occurring).
Look I am the first to admit I don’t know the science behind climate change but I am happy to believe it is taking place and that it affects us all. We can see it with increased risk of flooding (hell even the rich are affected as it is buggering up their skiing), the growth of more screwy (it is a technical term) weather patterns in the uk. Globally more and more are at risk from hurricanes, tornadoes, and tsunamis. We run the risk of more skin cancer, but better tans, because the ozone layer is depleted. We are seeing the seasons in some regions change and this affects the ability to grow foods.

If the potential outcomes of climate change come about then the future of the world and humanity are somewhat bleak.
If more people become obese it just means they have to wear stretch pants and wobble along the street. Sure they will die earlier – but it is their choice.
I suppose there is the problem that maybe all the fatties jump up and down at the same time – then we would see a tsunami or two. Perhaps there maybe an issue of the methane released by porkers could bring about the quicker depletion of the ozone layer.

I am not denying it is a serious issue, it is an issue that is expanding – but it is also one in which the individuals have to take responsibility for their own lives and their own choices.
Next time I am reaching for that cream cake, I will stop and think twice and go get some fruit.

Saturday, October 13, 2007



i admit i couldn’t listen to it. i was at the tate.
decided i would amble home, so a nice long walk along the thames.
catch the dlr.
as i walked by a pub at shadwell i can hear a crowd singing jerusalem (perhaps the finest song ever written). a flicker of hope.
through watney market, i pass a happy couple. she is wearing an england top. the flame burns stronger.
in my local newsagent a posh couple come in to get a bottle of wine because they are going to celebrate. could it be?

the radio confirms it.
even better it is a drop goal from jonny.
can they do it? not sure i would bet against them.
but for the moment let us enjoy the victory over the french.

will i be at home next saturday to hear the final?
what do you think?


Thursday, October 11, 2007


still awake. wtf!!
should have been asleep hours ago, but nope.
so right now i am going to go count some sheep to see if that knocks me out.

perchance to dream?


every once in a while a story comes along and you know your reaction to it is just wrong, a little like the time i cheered when i heard about di. to many my outburst was seen as tasteless but to me it was the full flowering of republicanism.

needless to say the recent, sad, events on the 25 bus has had me chortling.
ok i admit i am not a nice person…

for those of you who have missed the story, it goes a little like this.
early morning and a 25 bus (it is a bendy one) is going to ilford. two mates get off of the bus, one mate falls under the bus, is dragged for a mile and is dead. end of story.
it is tragic, there is the loss of life.
but all i can think of is what was his mate doing when he fell under the bus? was it a case of “ha ha that is a jolly jape, i’ll see you at the pub tonight?” or was it a case of “mm where did he go? oh well i had better get a move on or i am not going to get my breakfast” or “i am sure mr. x was with me a minute a go. i must be imagining things!”
by all that is holy how do you not notice that your mate has disappeared? how don’t you notice or hear him fall under the bus?
mind you if you haven’t noticed him disappear under the bus then at least you can pretend you couldn’t have done something.
oh what could he have done pat, not like he is a superhero from the comics you read, i can hear you sigh.
well how about banging madly on the doors of that bus amigo?
how about running to the front of the bus and shouting at the driver, my friend?
or even just phoning the police, how about that then dear reader?

well it seems none of that happened and the poor sod was dragged for a mile, until a passer-by noticed the body.

i have been a frequent critic of the 25, all because of the attitude of the drivers (“oh i know what i will do: drive really slowly and wait at every stop. mmm why do the passengers get annoyed at me?”) i have never thought the bus was any less safe than the other buses i use (at least there is never that terrible moment when you make a tit of yourself and cause distress to other passengers as they have to hide their titters and guffaws as you (well i) fall down the stairs of the double decker.
the doors of the 25 are pretty wide, and that time in the morning not that many people on there. it is not that hard to step up on the floor of the bus.
quite how you get yourself into a position where you end up under the bus is beyond me. even more so how you do it and not be noticed by your mate remains a mystery.

to be honest when i was told about this i snorted as i thought i was being told a pack of lies. it just didn’t seem possible. it still doesn’t.

mind you it does remind me of another story.
one of my work colleagues, sk, had been out with his family for a drive. they return home. unpack the car. picnic things back in the house. wife sorted out. kids checked. dog dealt with.
all seems ticketyboo.
nope need something from the shops.
off goes sk in the family car. tootle down the street. people looking. people staring. people gesticulating. keep driving. get to shop.
oh now sk can see what the fuss and bother was.
dog is attached to lead. lead is stuck in car door. dog has had to run after the car. dog has been dragged by car. not much of a dog now, more a broken bloody mess.

again this is a story that made me laugh like a drain (it shouldn’t have done, but like i said before i am not a nice person). all credit to sk, if something like that happened to me i would keep quiet about it. he was happy to tell everyone and the story has taken on the elements of legend.
shed no tears – the dog survived, sk has never said if it has ever stopped quaking when he gets near to it.

Monday, October 08, 2007



there i was at the tate britain. it was a late tate, i had seen the milias exhibition (very fine it is too) and decided to walk the gorgeous halls of art to enjoy some of the wonders housed there. wandering over to the hockney curated exhibition of turner watercolours.
as i closed in on the watercolours i could hear voices. instead of looking at the art i ended up listening to an author doing a reading and then answering questions.
he was not a commanding figure, almost nondescript, but his voice was strong, clear and passionate. he answered the questions thoughtfully, elegantly and with a vigour that carried the listener with him.

now i wish i could remember exactly what he said – so the title of the blog made sense – but all that stuck in my mind was how positive he was of what humanity was capable.
he spoke of how we should seek to be astonished and amazed, and how we should do astonishing and amazing things.

even an old curmudgeonly cynic like myself could see that he was right. the question is: just how to go about doing amazing and astonishing things?
when you know the answer let me know.

(oh for those of you who care the author was ben okri and i will have to get one of his books to see if he writes as well as he talks.)

Sunday, October 07, 2007


reality tele leaves me cold. i really do not understand the attaction.
but i have seen something that may make me get a tele so i can sit and watch a reality show.
they are discussing having jeffrey archer starring in one of the "i am a celebrity..." now that is what i call television.


rugby world cup.
quarter finals.

last few minutes. tense. holding my breath. unable to move.
bish bosh. final whistle.

england off to the semis.
australia going home.


come on you boys.

Friday, October 05, 2007


for a long while gordon brown was being told he need to call an election in order to get his own mandate. without that mandate his premiership was not legitimate. this neatly side steps the fact that we elect the party and not the leader.
then gordon surprised us all by actually doing a deft job of running the country in the face of several major calamities.
(who would have thought it? he'd only been the most successful chancellor ever...)

cameron's poll ratings went down the toilet.
this time the talk of elections cames from those who thought gordon would walk it
gordon didn't quash this at the time and say "hey no need to call a snap election the labour party has a mandate to run the country for several more years yet. lets buckle down and get on with the good work." nope he stayed quiet and teased.

the result?
cameron was gifted a tory conference where they all agreed with each other, no one broke ranks and everyone thought that they had a chance. (they don't but that is another story altogether). not only that it allowed the tories to talk tough, in the style of the playground, about how if gordon brown didn't call the election he was a chicken (they may as well have started chanting "come on if you think you are hard enough").

tactically brown made a mistake by not stopping the speculation over the election.
now that cameron has gotten a bit of a boost in the polls (seemingly because he can talk for an hour without notes - sheesh make me president of the world now! and because the conservatives didn't go into their usual meltdown mode. why do i say tha? simply because it is doubtful anyone has been suckered by the "new conservatism for todays challenges" rhetoric, the policies seem to be no different from any of the previous formulations on tax, europe, immigration, family and the state).
(yowsa that was a bit of a digression...)

anyway cameron's boost in the polls now gives him the upper hand with the election. most commentator would agree that cameron would rather not have an election now. yet the fact he can call out brown shows just how galvanised the tories have been over the prospect of the election.
if gordon brown declines the offer of an election this year - then he will be portrayed as being scared of losing the tories.
if he does agree to the election then he will be seen as a bully who has gone to the country years before he needed to just because he wanted to capitalise on the poll ratings,

just this once gordon has been outflanked.
what he needs to do now is say: "no election - i am getting on with the job of running the country".
when he utters those words we can watch cameron stew and start counting down the days until the conservative start their in fighting again.

go on gordon - you know it makes sense.

Thursday, October 04, 2007


enough is enough.
she is dead. move on.
stop using the inquest as a tacky way to boost sales of newspapers (oh it is ok as they will wring their hands and say how terrible it is that those other newspapers rake over the old ground again and again...) (it is ok that i am am doing it because of course i am making a serious and important point here and not just mentioning diana princess of wales in a cheap and tacky way to get people to come to my blog, oh alright i am doing that as well which is why i must just mention that diana princess of wales was indeed the people's princess - actually what a dumb thing that was to call her as the queen is hte people's queen it is all part and parcel of the job... )

so even without wanting to i now kow she was on the pill (given her propensity to shag around sounds like she was being sensible), that she was in a lift the night she died (who would have thought it! the shock of it!)

the worst part of it all is that once the dust has settle on this inquest nothing will have changed. those that believe she was killed on orders of the royal family will still believe that, those that think it was an accident will still believe that,

the only person who knows the truth is david icke and he hasn't been called to the witness stand.