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Monday, September 30, 2013



Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Monday, September 09, 2013


ella ella eh eh eh - oh fuck off

so it rained today.
i like the rain.
i seem to be the only person who does.
at the first drip drop, come the first pitter patter up pops a forest of umbrellas, brollies and bumbershoots.

look it is not that i have anything against umbrellas per se, it is that 99% of the time they are carried and used (well misused) by idiots.
summer was bad enough with multitudes wandering the streets not bothering to look where they were going because they were too busy looking at their phones. winter isn't going to change that just add a whole new level of difficultly in walking down the road.

umbrella users have little use or care for other pedestrians.
it is raining and they have to keep dry. so they forge ahead umbrella above their heads. gotta keep dry for that important meeting.
of course they don't pay attention to what is in front of them. it is all full speed ahead and damn the torpedoes.
not for them the polite gesture of raising the umbrella as they approach a fellow walker on the street of life, nor the slight tilt of the brolly to move it out of the way. nope. just keep going. hold that sucker firm. let the other person move. hey it's their eye, let them move.

i hate them.
i fucking hate them.

sure i might be ok with rhianna offering to let me stand under her ella ella 
i might be thrilled to watch gene kelly to do his dance in a puddle strewn street where he uses his brolly as a prop.
but i think that is the extent of my umbrellas are ok.

the rest? they should all be burnt.
i think that is reasonable of me. 

Monday, September 02, 2013


stinking cold

cold is worse. i think this might be full on manflu.
cough, sore throat, runny noses.
yup i have a cold.

looks like it is going to hang around like an invited house guest, or the tory party in power.

it used to be that i didn't mind having a cold as i would just go into work show what a martyr and hero i was by coming into work regardless of the fact that i felt like shit. see, i would be saying by being there, i am dedicated, i am determined, i am the man. i am not sure what the biz buzz words are to describe that sort of behaviour - but i am sure they are all positive.
rather than what they should have been: go home you fucking idiot - you are ill and you are possibly going to make others sick.

my main reason for going in on days that i was buggered by the cold was a semi practical one, at least here i could get others to make me coffee.
i knew i was going to be miserable at work, but i also knew i would have been just as miserable at home - but at least at work i could make other people feel bad as well. i was such a star (or twat - depending on your point of view).
somehow though the very effort of going to work made the cold disappear quicker - probably due to the lack of sympathy i was getting (i can never remember if it is feed or stave a cold of self pity to help the healing process).

now i am not working and i am time rich and can do stuff the cold lingers and lingers and i stay huddled under a duvet drinking water and hoping that tomorrow the cold will go.

bet your bottom dollar it might. (or might not).

Sunday, September 01, 2013


to make matters worse

and just to add to my woes: i have a zit.
it is not one that you can see.
i only realised it was there the other night walking home when the seam of my pants started rubbing against it. not painful, but annoying. it got more annoying with every step, because once you know it is there then everything irritated it, everything rubbed against it. the pants, the coins in my back pocket, the jeans.

i got home, stripped off and had a bit of a feel - well you would, wouldn't you?
braille reading is not a speciality of mine - but these zits (for it was a cluster) were saying 'you can't squeeze us'. by golly they were right. while i could feel them i couldn't get into the right position to give them a good old pinch to extract the puss.

by a complex and complicated arrangement of mirrors i managed to see the offending zits - they looked for all the world to be a representation of the belt of orion - so good that richard branson could use it to launch his commercial space rocket there.

i can feel them.
i can see them.
but i can't squeeze them.
the little buggers are there, they still annoy and irritate. they are not going away.