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Thursday, May 21, 2009


a lot can be said about the current expense row that is rocking parliament.
one of the things that seems to be lacking is the perfect apology.
thanks to a member of the public i think i have found the right words for the various members who get caught with their hands in the kitty.
now i live in an area that is filled with a lot of lads who put an inordinate amount of effort into maintaining face, they strut and swagger down the street (well some waddle thanks to their low slung jeans) courtesy is not the done thing – it is a sign of weakness. this is especially true when it is the boy racers who are involved. their shiny gleaming cars all sounding like overworked hoovers.
so there i was today minding my own business walking to the shop when two lads in cars have it out because one had impinged on the other.
i miss what the first chap says. luckily i catch what the second says. i say lucky because i think that it is perfect balance of apology, challenge and belief that they did nothing wrong.
so for members of the conservatives, labour and liberal parties i give you the apology you need to use whenever you are confronted by a tax paying member of the public.
“yeah my fault, sorry, fuck you.”

Saturday, May 16, 2009


there is a difference between needing something and wanting something.
i need food, but i want cream cakes.
i need sandals, but i want trainers.
i don't need books, but i want books.
i don't need dvds, but i want dvds.

i am man enough to admit that a lot of it is greed. all of which is complicated by the fact i suffer from collectoritis.

all that said somethings you see and you know that want and need come together in a blinding flash of beautiful obviousness that there is no denying that the object in question should be owned.
i give you the helmet of thor, crikey it is a dream come true. i need it. i want it.

by my troth, but verily tis a lovely thing.

Sunday, May 10, 2009


it was a bright warm day.
sweat came easy. sneezing came easier (no not swine flu, but hay fever).
great relief to see it is supposed to be blowy and rainy all of the coming week.
but i saw that on the daily mail website - so it is unlikely to be true.

Saturday, May 09, 2009


well i didn't win the euro lottery.
guess i will have to get a job or become a member of parliament. (oh such topical humour from me.)

Sunday, May 03, 2009


i am back on the running trail again. like most things these days i just don’t seem to stick at it for very long. i am getting fickle, as i grow older.
i like to run. running is a lot like sex for me: i do it alone, it is a lot of effort for a small pay off and anything like a headache will keep me tucked up in bed.

i like to run when there are few people around so that means either early morning or late at night, for the moment i am running in the morning.
i confess i still long for that rocky moment when i run up the steps dance and punch the air. for the time being i am just settling for making it back to my flat (i should also mention that there are no steps around for me to do the rocky dance, but hope springs eternal).

the big surprise for me has been discovering that most of my favourite albums are not that suitable to run to. when the albums work they keep me running with the occasional burst of singing and air guitar (which must thrill the people who see me).

if i run in the morning it is a great start to the day, invigorating. if i run late at night it is a great way to relax and unwind. when i run i find myself thinking, the thoughts running further and faster than my slow feet, that slap and pound the floor the thoughts slip and slide ninja style.
the run today had me thinking about why are there hidden tracks on cds or easter eggs on dvds? why? why? why? i continued to work out what was the point of danny dyer. still no answer. i came up with a great game for the iphone; sadly as i have no idea how to programme computer games it will go nowhere (but it would have been a great hit). had an idea for an art book. it would be a winner if i could ever get it sorted. more left field was the idea for a watch (to be called the iwatch); it was an odd thought because i don’t wear watches. i wondered why paperback novels have gotten fatter over the years and how wonderful it is to find a novel that is around 200 tightly plotted and well-written pages rather than the overblown 500 pagers that fill the shelves. the thoughts kept coming: just how does david caruso get away with his acting and why is it so addictive? he has developed a minimal version of overacting – it is fantastic. then there are the thoughts of things i need to buy and the things i need to do.
thoughts just tumble and rumble, some roughhousing others out of the way.
i am pretty sure paula radcliffe doesn’t have such thoughts; she is too busy counting the cash she is earning. oh slap me for being cynical.

an unintended consequence of running is that my bowel movements have become that much easier, slipping out like a silk hankie from a pocket. wonderful.

crikey i am already looking forward to the next run.

Saturday, May 02, 2009


i can't help but think that swine flu is no more than a lazy pig phoning the butcher and saying "oink can't come in my nose is running oink cough oink".
media coverage of it is at panic levels that should only be reserved for the confirmed decline of western civilization and not for a few sniffles.
i know we are all looking for things to take our minds off of the credit crunch and the impending conservative government (come on gordon you can pull it around, you can - you just have to believe, oh and cut down on the number of stupid things that happen such as the mcbride smear tactics idea (what were you all thinking?) but i don't think creating an over the top panic is the best way around it.

all that said: remember to catch it, bin it and kill it.

pat's public health message for the day.