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Tuesday, March 29, 2011


i discovered a new word today.
well discovered is perhaps too strong a desciption for what happened, as all i did was to read a piece about ip addresses on the bbc website (i am not sure if this shows i am a techno savvy individual, a geek or sad and lonely - i am going with option c).
the story was about how microsoft have paid a lot of cash for the a chunk of ipv4 addresses because the remaining free addresses are running out (which means there are a whooping 4.3 billion internet connected devices out there).
without the ip you can't connect to the internet. oooops bad news bears.
don't worry though as ipv6 is out there - even if the costs of migrating to it are high and so take up has ben slow.

and that is where the new word comes in.
undecillion - which sounds more like someone can't make up their mind then a really big number, but a really big number is what it is.  (according to the bbc to write it down you would have to use a 1 and 38 noughts - and that is a pretty big number , though not as big as it's bigger brother the centillion which is 10 to the power of 303, or in old english 10 to the power of 600. why the difference? it is all about short and long scale - or the fact american's just can't help messing with stuff).

so there you go a nice new word to drop into conversation.

it is not as much fun as 'bawdyhoose' (another new word for me) but much easier to get into the chitchat down the pub.

Monday, March 28, 2011


perhaps irony can best be seen by looking at:
theresa may's offer to increase police powers in order to confront/ prevent the 'mindless' mob, while david cameron and william hague beat their chests and yodel tarzan like at each other about how protesters (not mindless mobs) should be given the freedoms we enjoy in the west.
square the circle and force that square peg in the round hole.

Sunday, March 27, 2011


eat your heart out frank whittle.
eat your heart out isambard kingdom brunel.
east your heart out james dyson.
eat your heart out zaha hadid.
bow down before me norman foster, james fry and tim berners-lee.
your accomplishments pale before mine.

for i have mastered the flat pack bookcase.
for i have conquered the instructions.
for i have overcome the screwdriver.

for i have built a bookcase and like kubla kahn i have dined on honey dew.

(gotta hope it stays up when i put some books in it.. )

Saturday, March 26, 2011


bits and pieces.
nothing important and mostly overheard.

from the radio: while going on about the university boat race the commentator was going through all the members of the boat. he had done this, he was that, he had been here, what he had done last year etc etc. for one chap it was all about how he had overcome health problems "last year he was battling testicular cancer and now he is stroking..."
i bet he is.
furiously and happily hoping to gush like a champagne bottle. perhaps that is an image we should all forget.

in the beigel shop there is an altercation between denim clad shifty chap with a long knife scar on his cheek and the rake thin east european assistant. he claimed he had given her a tenner, she said a fiver. lots of i only had two tenners on me and it would be folded in two blah blah from him. lots of no you only gave me a fiver from her. back and forth, back and forth. small jewish owner eventually joins in going on about how he has just done the till takings and that there was no tenner from him in there besides, he continued, why would i lie i have £1800 takings today why do i need to cheat you out of five pounds. demin scarface gives up.
one of the other customers pipes up "i didnn't see what he handed you, if i had done i would have dived in to back you up."
nice one fellah, i am sure she appreciated the sentiment.

lads in the coffee shop. all chatting large about what they have done over the week. this deal, that deal and another deal. a big dealio kind of week. winners all. then they are planning the night out on the town. watch the game, drink a pint and then well the night is young kind of thing.
except for two of them:
"i'll be heading off to catch the train"
"you'll be heading off early?"
"yeah i'll be heading off"
"you can't head off early"
"no i will be heading off to catch the train"
"well if you are heading off then i am heading off" turning to the other two "we'll be heading off to catch the 9.40pm train."
which considering it was 8pm and they needed to get to euston (i won't even go into the discussion they had about how to spell euston) that didn't leave them long to have a big night.
guess they all headed off early.

Friday, March 25, 2011


trowbridge sounds like the perfect place to stay. seems not much happens there and that it is a peaceful place.
how do you know pat? have you lived there?
no i haven't.
i am just going by this bit of news that appeared on the bbc website about a recent robbery - all i am saying is be careful where you get your meat from and if this is all they have to worry about it then trowbridge has to be a great place to bring up kids.

british transport police have asked that anyone seeing kebab's being sold in suspicious circumstances to contact them - obviously they don't pop out to get a kebab on a regular basis as the only way kebab is seved is suspiciously.


i get an email from pc world during the week (me and pc world are tight like that) telling me tha ipad2 will be in stores from 5pm friday 25th.
that's nice of them to tell me.
funny enough i am quite close to a pc world so why not pop in on the way home. not a bad idea at all. do you know what that is exactly what i did. i popped in on the way home. it is good when a plan comes together.
now i am very very tempted by the ipad. i am keen on it. i want it. i desire it. so maybe just maybe it will be purchase at first sight.

i stroll in.
i don't bother to gaze at the big sign advertising the ipad2, because i am too cool for school. i don't make a bee line to the apple section; don't want to be appear too keen.
i weave my way there.
i touch the ipad2.
i stroke the ipad2.
i love the ipad2.
however commonsense has kicked in and i have resisted the urge to get the card out and scream: "give me half a dozen for the hotel room."
i needn't have shown such iron willed restraint.
as i stood longingly stroking and touch a macbook (i need one of those as well) i overheard a conversatin between the member of staff who deals with the apple product and a customer.
"can i buy one? do you have it in stock?"
"no i can order it for you if you want, but you can do that yourself online. i am not sure when it will come though, none of the team know how long it will be before we get our stock."
it is bad enough that apple tease me with their delicious offerings but when pc world start doing it then that is just wrong.
though i am not sure why i am surprised there have been several occasions i have been there to get something they clearly have marked as being in stock - only to get there to discover it is gone and they don't have any stock to replenish it with.

an well i couldn't afford to buy it anyway.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011


sport brings us together.
sport unites us.
i am pretty sure they were the sort of sentiments used by seb coe and co (see what happened there?) when they were pitching and winning the olympics.
seems there is a falling out between the british olympic association (boa) and the london 2012 organising committee (locog).
what has caused these two to squabble? why, money; of course.

the boa don't think that their share of the surplus from the olympics (20%) should include the paralympics. see how that sporting family just hangs together. why not? because the olympics will make money; the paralympics won't. simple really.

but it is nice to see that the spirit of the games lives on and that sport isn't about bringing people together, it is not a celebration of endeavour and overcoming the odds. it is about money. the olympic ideal has been reduced to filthy lucre. let's be honest i am sure a large number of the atheletes who are competing would rather their gold medals were briefcases of cash.
given that the stars are looking to roll around naked on pounds notes and euros is it any wonder that the officials are also looking to make sure more lines their pockets. i am sure they have lots of noble sounding reasons and plans for the money - just that they don't want to be helping those nice disabled people who do sports.

given that the boa have known about the olympics taking place in london for a fewer now and given that they even know who locog is (as they have negotiated with them) it says little about the quality of the people who are leading that they wait until the year before in order to start their atttempt to get things sorted. 
i can only hope they have been better at sorting out the sports side of things - or else many british competitors won't be worrying about the colour of their medal it will be about them seeing any more of the folding green stuff.

i'm a cynic  - get me out of here.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011


you form a coalition to go to war (well not quite war, more an intervention, sort of a military 12-step plan). even the french are gung-ho (see them freedom fries become french fries again). simple idea: no fly zone with a bit of shelling on the side. look we have the arab league on our side.
what can go wrong?
well the arab league don't seem too keen all of a sudden. (no civilian casualties they say - like that is ever possible.) is gaddafi on the hit list? yes. no. maybe. don't know. it is not regime change, that is for the libyian people, but look we just don't want gaddafi there anymore. america won't be the lead partner after a few days, share it out among the rest of the coalition; nato can do it (which means france or the uk). italy is talking about stopping the use of their airspace if it isn't a nato led thing (so they aren't too bothered about a pariah state close to them - must just be davif cameron).
no one is quite sure how long it will go on for. no one is quite sure what constitutes the moment of 'mission accomplished'. soon they won't even know who is in charge and who is contributing to it all (so far just one arab nation has put military forces into play).

just a couple of days in and it is beginning to look a bit of a mess.

meanwhile isreal and hamas go on in their own sweet way bombing each other.

and no doubt when cameron gets of his war horse he will get back to telling us all how we need to be more frugal because the cuts are going to hurt (they have to - it is serious medicine he is administering to the country) yet somehow in his moment when he can have his own little war they can fnd the money to send planes and bombs out to land in foreign lands.

just once we should see this moments and wave at them as they pass by rather than jumping out in front of the onrushing crisis with a raised hand and a politely worded "i say old chap".

no need to worry i am sure they have a plan.
they do don't they?
they must have. surely?

Monday, March 21, 2011


you may have gathered from reading my musings that i like coffee.
you may also have gathered that i like drinking coffee in brick lane.
there i was the other night sitting outside the coffee shop sipping a strong latte and watching the world go by (well mainly watching the ladies go by). there is a strange feel to the place early sunday evening: the market is packing up and people are beginning to come out for their last party of the week. there is hustle and bustle in the air.
me? i was thinking of all the priorities (well panics) of the coming week, among them: what to order from amazon (which turned out to be as hard as working out the priorities).
the latte was good. the ladies even better. all was well with the world.
then a large range rover starts making awkward manoeuvres in an attempt to park. it is black with black tinted windows. the number plate is: music mx. oh dear, i thought and about this time i am hoping the range rover that jack bauer would drive has an accident and smashes into one of the cars nearby. no such luck.
there is something wanky about personal number plates, they seem to scream out 'i have an inadequacy complex so i want you to know that i am important'. they also say 'i have more money than sense and that is the only reason you think this is wanky as you want to spend this sort of cash on books from amazon' (shit that number plate inner dialogue as got me there).
i am not surprised by the number plate or the car. the area is one of hip music bars and happening bars, it is an area filled with bands, djs, promoters and producers. it is a popping place.
so as i continue to drink my coffee i have already developed a picture of the lads who are going to jump out of the car. they are going to be young, loud, baseball capped, hoodied, with low slung jeans (with some ugly design that runs part way down the leg and looks like an epileptic paint fit), they will be blinged up, and wearing hi top trainers (white) with the laces undone or timberland boots with the laces undone. they will be black or asian. one of them will be the one that the rest suck up to. see i know what is happening out there people.
i know.

so when the late middle-aged, early pensioner eases his way out of the car i admit defeat.
i know jack.
he is in the standard aged rock star get out. nice brown shoes, faded jeans, white shirt, dark blue blazer, with a small scarf around his neck. his hair is that horrid white, grey with hints of pale blonde in it, all topped off with too much hair gel. he is joined by his slightly dull wife and frumpy daughter.
they go get a beigel, of course they go into the famous one (friendly service says one review - maybe, if snarling counts as friendly) rather than the good one. a few minutes later they come out clutching their bags of single beigels. a trip down memory lane, a reconnection with the common man.

no wonder he has a personal number plate.


what is it good for?
politicians and oil.
just so you know.

Saturday, March 19, 2011


there i am in the coffee shop (no surprises there), i am trying to cope with the english rubgy team's choking in the grand slam decider. so coffee is good (as is the hot totty that dot the place).
across the shop from me are two cosmopolitan european dudes - both have that casual air of attractiveness about them, both work in the creative industries, both of them discussing long road trips around europe.

then one of them says to the other: "i need to start seeing girls again".
bit of a shock this because he had only just been saying how much he was missing his girlfriend. those europeans eh!
a bit of a silence as they look at each other digesting what has been said.
then he continues: "just need to hang out with girls, talk and that sort of thing it will remind me of how lucky i am with my girlfriend. too many women are mad."
those europeans. 

Friday, March 18, 2011


an odd posting.
more of a shout-out to mr. crouch.
i got your email and yes you can email me through the blog but next time include your email details so i can reply to you. i am sure my pal paul would also like to say a big hello.

i think i have broken the fourth wall here. 

Thursday, March 17, 2011


i love brick lane.
i love coffee.
so when the london coffee week rolls into the area i will be full of beans (see what i did) and sure to be full of beans (see did it again).
it it time to finally get my own coffee grinder? is it time to start delving into the world of artisan beans? already it is sounding like too much work, so i will stick to my lattes, mochas. cappuccinos, espressos, macchiatos, ristrettos and con pannas. not to mention the humble, but always good to go, black coffee.
nothing quite like a cup of joe to get you going.


not done this for a while.
just looked to see what the blog has been search for and two stand out from the crowd: "filled my pants" and "having a great enema".
i wouldn't mind but i have been trying so hard recently to make it a more family friendly blog. looks like that was a failure. may as well go back to some tales of the toilet type stories - seems that is what the punters want.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011


i used to love thunderbirds. i would probably still watch it if i had it on dvd. not only was it a great idea but it was full of neat gadgets and vehicles. my favourite was thunderbird 2. i would wager that a love of thunderbirds lay at the heart of the idea for the international rescue corps, a charity that specialises in rescue work in places that disasters have taken place.
they recently flew out to japan in order to help with the disaster there.
even more recently they flew back into heathrow because they didn't have the right permit to enter japan.
rather than be out there rescuing, they spent two days stuck in tokyo airport before coming back. they blame the british embassy for this. according to the daily mail (yes i know never a good source to use) "an exhausted ray gray, 55-year-old leader of the team from the united nations-registered organisation, said: 'all we needed was a bit of paper.'

(exhausted? all they had done was sit around for a couple of days - what would he have been like if they actually had gotten around to doing some rescuing?)
he went on to say that the japanese had asked them to come, but the british embassy wouldn't sign off on some papers.
they say red tape is to blame.

unusually for a tory, william hague is not having any of that. it is not red tape to blame, but the simple fact that the embassy was stretched to deal with the ongoing situation.
he goes on to say that the japanese had said that they, irc, would have to be self-sufficient as no logistical support could be given to them by the japanese. according to mr. hague irc arrived with no transport, and no logicistical or language support. in effect they hadn't done what the japanese requested of them and would not be able to fit in with the japanese rescue plans.
considering the situation there - that would be a bad thing.

paul baxter, the spokesman for irc, said 'we went over there with the permission of the japanese...they wanted us there. but once in tokyo, the authorities would not give us a transit permit until they had received paperwork from the british embassy stating that we were a bona fide charity for disaster zones.'
ok let's just break that down shall we.
the japanese wanted them there, and gave permission for them to be there.
except when they were there the japanese wanted proof that they were a bona fide organisation. mmm the second part of that sort of undermines the first part.

as you know i am not one to jump to the defence of a tory, but this is one of those times when i think mr. hague is probably right. that irc are taking the easy option of blaming the british embassy when the problem was of their own making.
somehow i don't think the japanese would be turning away anyone who could help - provided that they could do it without adding additional strain to the ongoing operation.

just what i think.

the thing that is wonderful about the daily mail (aside from its tenous relationship to the facts) is just how quick its readers are to comment without reading the full story. they are almost pavlovian. just put 'red tape' in the headline and bosh bang boom you already know what the comments are going to be and you can pretty much guarantee that all they have read of the story is the headlines.
with the right headline in place the mail readers go into a frenzy that blames central government and such things as 'health and safety' 'jobsworths' 'political correctness' 'public sector workers' without ever really bothering to read the story.
they all seem to want to leave britain for better places. they all want to blame someone else for things that are not quite the way they like them. each and everyone of them happy to slag the country off.
none of them it seems is actually capable of reading the story from start to finish and making a comment based on the whole piece. who can blame them - so much easier to do it based on headlines alone - it makes perfect sense.

still if the mail wasn't full of contributors who are a hamper short of a picnic then there would be no point to it.

oh and in future mr gray and mr baxter make sure you have crossed the t's and dotted the i's before you fly off to the next disaster zone.


Tuesday, March 15, 2011


i wasn't keen on the olympics coming to london. it was only when it was a decision between us and france that i became gung ho about it.

the main reason i was against the olympics being staged in london was that (and this is probably peculiar to me) i think the magic of such global events is having to stay up late at night or get up early in the morning to watch them. somehow they are less impressive when they take place during 'work hours'. the fun has gone out of them.

the other reason i was not keen on them being held in london was the british (well mainly english) national sport of doing ourselves down (such as the recent story that said that 1 in 10 british sports fans would not be following the olympics - well hey buddy that means 90% of them will be following it my friend, 90fucking% my friend - so stick that in your bad news pipe and smoke it).

since the olympics landed in london my relationship to the games has been one of love and hate. i love the regeneration of the area that the olympics is bringing about. i hate that it cost me my job. i love the excitement around seeing buildings for the olympics being built and completed. i hate the moaning of elite athletes because their might be a cut in funding (and going a little off track here (what me digress? never) i wish some of them would just put their hands up and thank everyone who pays taxes for the life we are giving them - as an athlete they are doing it for themselves, they reap the rewards and glory and for many of them we provide the cash for them to do it. if you want to be, say. a doctor, a teacher, an engineer or a nail technician you have to fund your way through college, you have to pay back the debts. if you are half way decent at running, throwing and jumping there is a possibility you will be funded to travel around the world to compete for prize money. and they complain. wankers. rant over - well that one). i love the enthusiasm of those who support the olympics and i hate the naysayers who are happy to suck the life out of the room in order decry the olympics (and yes i am aware i can fall into that group – so i can be a complex, or contrary, person on occasions.
i was excited at the prospect that i could get work at the olympics. they were very keen on hiring local people to work on the event. i went along to an induction. i came away full of beans about the whole thing. i posted my cv on the site and started looking for available jobs.

pretty soon it became very apparent that although they were very keen on having local people they were equally keen on having people who had previous olympic or paralympics experience (or the job was so specialised that there was no point advertising it because they must have known the 10 people in the world who could do the job).

i am sure that now all the key roles have been filled there are plenty of regular jobs. just not when i was looking.

i was dismayed when there was a kerfuffle over the route that the marathon was going to take. somehow the people of tower hamlets and surrounding boroughs now saw it as an east london olympics and couldn’t see why the marathon might take in some of the sights of london rather than concentrate on running along the whitechapel and mile end roads.

still their complaints got a concession out of the london organising committee of the olympic games (locog): local people would have a 24-hour head start in applying for olympic related jobs, sounds good but not sure how it really helps as they are not saying local people will get preference – they just have a day more to get their application in.

i am thrilled at the prospect that london regional transport is thinking of running the tubes around the clock for the duration of the olympics, even if it means a possible platform (geddit) for that smug git bob crow.

today marked the 500 days to go to the start of the event.

today marked the day the tickets went on sale – though you won’t know if you got them until a ballot had been taken.

today was also the day when it was admitted that for the opening and closing ceremony and for many of the big events only half the available tickets would go to the general public. so in a stadium that holds 80,000 people there is a chance that on some days 40,000 of those tickets will be for international olympic committee staff (and spouses), sponsors, government officials and sundry other hangers on. in fact of the 8 million tickets that are available 1.4 million of them will not be sold to the public. i am sure that in this regard the olympics is no different from any other major event.

but it irks when it is the taxpayers money that is underwriting it all.

a little like the banks we are taking care of the risks but we are not given full access to the glory.

oh well it was ever thus.

(do i get a gold medal for moaning?)

(am i applying for tickets? maybe, but if the ioc or locog want to include me in their vip lists they are more than welcome to.)

Monday, March 14, 2011


if this was a comic - this would be a crossover edition.
this is one that brings together two previous rants and merges them into a whole new one.

i get ebay, i don't use it, but i can understand the attraction of it.
i get charity shops, i don't use them, but i can understand the attraction of them.
it is not that i don't like getting second hand stuff - it is just that ebay is just temptation writ large - so much to choose from, so many things to look at. just too much stuff, and you never know what you might find - if you keep looking. so in order to keep my sanity i avoid ebay. simple really. i have nothing against charity shops - it is just that it is not like i go out of my way to spend lots of money of clothes, so it is unlikely that there is going to be much savings on the clothes, besides it is unlikely i am going to find a hugo boss suit that fits me in any charity shop.
it is not that i have a problem with second hand stuff. a ton of my comics are second hand, a large number of my books have been bought from musty fusty bookshops that sell used books by the hundreds.

so there i am on amazon, i am not sure why i am on amazon because i haven't read the books i last got from amazon (like that was ever going to happen, like i have ever waited to finish books before buying new ones). as ever while on amazon it isn't hard for me to find a book or graphic novel to buy,
oh i know what i need: a new moleskine notebook. looky there amazon have them at a nice low price.
hold on what is this?
not only do amazon sell them, but they have various sellers in their marketplace section.
oh and someone is selling used moleskine notebooks.
used notebooks.
the seller doesn't say how many pages they have used or what they have used them for, or even if the pages are still in the notebook. maybe they have written some poems in them and when you buy their used notebooks you get to read their words. perhaps they have hit a writer's block and this is a way of getting past the blockage by giving up the words they have written. maybe they are like david icke they have plumped the secrets of the world and they want to share with the adventurous explorers of the unknown. for all we know they could be the part of the 'dan brown code' wherein a super successful author goes in search of talent - hey it could happen.
i will never know because when it comes to buying used things the last thing i want that has been used is a notebook. when i buy a notebook i want it fresh and virginal so i can despoil it with my own words, thoughts, ideas and musings. they may not be much but they are mine and they deserve a new moleskine. 

Saturday, March 12, 2011


clegg vows not to let the "profit motive drive a coach and horses through the NHS".
and i believe him.
actually i don't.
i doubt many people do, especially students.

poor old nick. he has gone from being the darling of politics where we all 'agreed with nick' to being the man who sold out to get power and being 'in nick we distrust'.

pretty sure that nick doesn't care - he has his feet under the table of power and that is all that matters.
so see that no coach and horses quote? expect the nhs to be cut to ribbons by the time that nick and dave are done with it.


fred goodwin has obtained a 'super injunction' which bans the media from calling him a banker. fred the shred (as he was known) must have more money than sense to have bothered with such an injunction (which also means that it can't be reported on). you can't help but wonder what other bankers feel about it as one of their number denies them. perhaps he should have asked not to have been referred to as an unsuccessful banker as we all know about his role in the near collapse of the royal bank of scotland (though if you were to listen to and believe the tories this was a minor problem, the real problem was the overspending of the labour government - even if most of it was keeping banks affloat).

fred goodwin has been described as a bully with ice in his veins  - obviously now that he is out of the banking business he has developed a thin skin. oddly i would have thought being a called a banker was the most polite thing that mr. goodwin is called these days.
i am sure we can all think of a few choice things to call him. we should get a list together so that fred can squander some more of that hefty pension he gets, and take up the time of the courts to have them banned from being used in conjunction with his name.

Thursday, March 10, 2011


in my previous work life a large number of my fellow staff had ink or piercings (or both). many of us would study the various tattoo and body modification magazines and books we carried. we would gaze in wonder at some of the wonderful tattoos that adorned people's bodies (scoff at those that had a badly drawn mickey mouse head done), be a gog at some of the piercing pictures. from looking at such material the bottom line seemed to be that if it was skin it could be and would be inked and if there was a way to pierce it someone had already done it. those who loved ink quickly moved from one tattoo, to a sleeve to a full body job. those who loved piercing quickly went from ears and nose to everything pierced/

(as a bit of a digression here there were a number of people who went in for body suspension (using hooks into peircings to suspend the body, either as performance art or as a form of shamanistic meditation). my question about it has always been how do you go from having your nipples pierced with a ring to i think i will have a big hook in the flesh of my back to hold me up and do many people think they are ready for it only to go "oooow that hurts, no fucking way am i going through with it..." i wouldn't blame them as i nearly squealed like a piggy when i had my nipples done many years ago.)

there was little you could imagine that someone had either done or tried in order to modify their body. sometimes it would look wonderful and other times it would be very much a wtf! moment.

all of this jumped into my mind today when i read the short piece about penile spines.
it seems way back when men had small spines on their genitalia (like you find on cats, mice and chimps - not that i have looked mind you, i just read it). then at some point there is a change in the dna and ta da the spines go away.
c'mon lads we are all pleased about that - imagine the embarrassment of having to go the local a&e because you had hand caught on a few spines while you were having fun, bad enough when you have to go there to get them to free you from the hoover (again i have just read about it...)
though it does mean that we are left with being called a 'knob head' when 'spine head' could have been used.

that's life for you: swings and roundabouts.

Tuesday, March 08, 2011


being back at work has its advantages.
sure i am stressed out from trying to work out exactly what it is i am doing, sure i am still pooped from adjusting from the world of sloth to the world of work.
but work brings its own pleasures and rewards: the people, the laughs, the stimulus, the challenges and a chance to once again order from amazon.

in my previous job i was quite free with my odering from amazon and play. the internet brought me closer to all the goods i wanted. add in a few specialist music and dvd sites and i was a happy man. i could sit at my computer and the books, dvds, cds, graphic novels etc would come to me. i was mickey as the sorceror's apprentice turning finger tippy taps on the keyboard into stuff. magic.

in my period of post-work i sensibly gave up internet shopping, it didn't matter what sort of email i would get from amazon et al telling me of their new greatest release i faced that temptation and resisted. who knew i had that strength of will?

now i don't have to!
yay work.
now i can go to amazon et al - look through their many many many pages of delight and choose something, anything to please me. oh yes. oh yes i can.
so first things first i need to reactivate my amazon account. should be easy. it wasn't. not to worry i overcame that obstacle - call me hercules and call this one of my labours (cleaning my flat is like the augean stables - the difference being even herc would leave it as a bad job).
new account sorted. what to choose. so much. so much. all this stuff that has come out and i have missed. what? what? what? shall i get this? shall i get that? this? that? maybe something else. oooh what to get? so much to choose from. can i have it all? (i wish.)
hard choices to be made.
thinking to be done.

decisions made. list written. time to order.
bugger that one isn't in stock. oh well move on to the next one. in stock. yay! next one. in stock. yes! next one. oh two weeks for delivery. can't wait that long. want it now. move on to the next one. in stock. get in there.
order made.
order placed.

amazon tell me when it is going to arrive. not long. wonderful.
next day amazon send me a confirmation order and they have changed the date. bastards. now they are telling me they won't be completing my order for a couple of days. call that a service? do they think it's christmas. all in all they have added five days to the delivery date.
sob. sob.

check the tracker on the site.
oh those sly old boys (and girls) at amazon - they have learnt a lot from the disney queuing system. they have under promised me (by telling me it would all arrive later) and they are going to over deliver (by getting it to me sooner). how can i tell that from the tracker site? because when i go to look they are already packing my goods - even though they have told me it won't leave for a couple of more days.
sneaky petes that they are.
of course if it is leaving them earlier than they said. it will get to me earlier than they promisd.
happy happy. joy joy.

tuesday morning.
eager anticipation. like christmas.
waiting. waiting. waiting.
where is the fucking postman.
where is the fucking delivery.
no delivery. no books. no clowns.
bad amazon.
naughty amazon.

so i look forward to wednesday morning for my delivery.
the disappointment of the day has passed. the excitement for the morning grows.
oooooh eager anticipation and all because pat loves books.

Monday, March 07, 2011


that lovely man eric pickles has had this to say about labour councils: that they are "playing politics with people's jobs, and people's homes, and people's services."
mmm perhaps he should look closer to home, maybe he should check in with cameron, osborne and clegg and see what game they are playing because they seem to be playing politics with people's jobs, people's homes and people's services. 

he was defended by bob neil, the local government minister, who said that eric used robust language and he was right to do so. however when labour councils describe the effects of the cuts they are not being robust they are choosing to speak in the "most gory and attention-seeking way possible".

i would say what is good for the goose is good for the gander, but it appears that mr. pickles has cooked the goose and gander and scoffed them both. 

Sunday, March 06, 2011


one till jockey to the other.
"i think i'll have peas tonight'
"i had peas last night"
that was it.
i am sure a day of serving the customers who frequent one of london's biggest specialist stores is not the most stimulating of experiences but surely there is more to life than peas?
(though i was left wondering; peas and what?)

walking along brick lane, off to get a coffee (what else?) when a slightly flustered and annoyed bloke strode by yabbering on his mobile. he was exasperated that someone had gotten his directions wrong and that he was having to go get his lost companion.
"where are you?" unheard answer. "i told you to walk up the hill." unheard answer. "well it is not a hill just a slight incline....'
(those who know brick lane would probably say it was flat and that if there is an incline it is unnoticeable, no wonder his mate got lost.)  

Thursday, March 03, 2011


oh new ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. (see what i did there?) ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. (so clever i could shit) ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. (puntastic) ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one. ipad2 i want one.

no but i really do want one.

Wednesday, March 02, 2011


big society. 
key words for the conservatives. 
they are also very powerful concepts (albeit not new) and powerful rallying cries. they are all about power. the argument is that they want to return power to the people. more choice for people means more power. less power to central government, more power to local councils which means more accountability which means people have more power. local groups coming together to take control of local resources: they know what is best and so they can deliver it better than anyone else. 
power to the people. 

funny how quickly that gets thrown out the window when the choices people make are not the ones that are wanted. 
we have already seen david willets get his two brains in a bunch when several universities have opted to charge the maximum amount in fees to students. no i don't understand why the government is shocked that a university would do it. 

now we see it over there in local communities who have come out against the proposed high-speed 2 rail link. lots of little community groups along the proposed routes have come out to say: "no", "no" and "thrice no".
given the desire for local power, less control from the centre (one of the strands of this was to allowing local communities to have more say in planning controls) and the development of the big society you would have thought that government would have been celebrating the existence of groups such as 'say no to high-speed 2', pointing to them and saying that is localism in action.
not at all.
what they get is transport secretary philip hammond accusing them of being part of the 'not in my backyard' brigade. nimbys are not seen as being nice people, they are selfish and only think of themselves and not the wider community (which could just as well be a good description of what localism means).
funny how it is that when people and organisations do what the conservatives say they want them to do when it comes to things like localism, choice and the big society it only counts as being a good thing if the choices they make are the ones that the conservatives and central government want or like.

funny that.