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Thursday, March 12, 2009


being taxed is a necessary evil, eating twix is one of life’s joys.
it seems (and you may have heard this) that people are getting fatter. a day doesn’t go by without a new scare story about foods that are bad for us, about how we are all getting bigger and fatter. except catwalk models who are getting thinner and thinner – so who on earth are buying the clothes they model? perhaps the fatties buy two to make a large one?
even as we are told about the dangers of getting fat we are given excuses. some say that having to think to hard to do your job causes people to eat more. some say that having fat friends stops you from losing weight. some say that there is an addictive gene and we can’t help scoffing. some say it is the sedentary lifestyle of modern man. it is due to affluence (and a few have pointed out that the current financial crisis will be good for people’s health – strangely those that have said that seem to be the ones who are least affected by the crisis. still we will have the last laugh we will be lean fighting machines and they will be dead of heart attacks).

now chocolate is to blame for our ever expanding girth (in my case it is the sensual fresh cream apple turnovers that sainsburys do. i am addicted to them), while other fat foods have been named and shamed chocolate has done a commando raid under the radar and turned us into fat prisoners in the weight war.
the solution? tax chocolate. yes dr. david walker believes that the rock road (copyright ben & jerry’s) to defeating obesity starts with a chocolate tax. cut down the amount of choc scoffed and you will start to shrink the waistlines of the nation. yay dr. walker.
unfortunately the good doctor was voted down at a british medical association meeting. unsurprisingly a spokesman for the ‘food and drink federation’ was against the idea claiming that not only would it be a bureaucratic nightmare, but also there is no proof it would work. let us not forget that this is the industry they responded to the ‘king size’ bar furore by replacing the larger bars with duo packs, because we know that you are going to save that other bar until later. no doubt the food and drink federation would also be against labelling food according to the fat content, so that consumers could make informed choices.
still i think he is right that a tax wouldn’t work – you just have to look at the consumption of booze and fags, both heavily taxed and both heavily consumed.
that said the idea that supermarkets might do a 18 bars of twix for the price of 6 like they do with beer is a tempting one, that newsagents might have a revels happy hour would be nice. though all those binge mars bar eaters who would hang around the street just after teatime would be a nuisance.

when it comes right down to it though the solution to the spread of obesity is going to be a mixture of measures from education to encouraging people to exercise and all the stops in between. a good place to start would be to get rid of all the celebrity chefs, not because they use chocolate but because i don’t like them.

right now what did i do with that yorkie bar?

Thursday, March 05, 2009


it is an odd fact about me that much of the music i like can be described as loud and being just noise.
it is only on odd occasions that i inflict it on other people. i still have fond memories of irritating a whole warehouse by playing them some diamanda galas. i thought it was only fair as they had subjected me to the craig and terry house tape wiiiiiicked mix.

the modern world has created many problems for the individual. some small, some large. one of the ones that really annoys me is that it is almost impossible to escape other people's noise. in the streets there are cars chug along with their stereos pounding. on the bus there will be someone with an irritating tinny mp3 tune playing on their mobile phone, if it is not music then they are just talking very loudly into the phone, all concept of the private lost. on the tube it is someone with their mp3 player blaring out damaging their ears and annoying everyone else. (i might be a little more tolerant of it if they all listened to decent music. they don't it is just a collection of shit urban tunes that all sound the same.)
imagine how happy when i read about the ipod jacket. my heart sank. now people can wear their speakers on their shoulders. fantastic there will be no escaping the shite sounds of the city.
the future is noisy.

Wednesday, March 04, 2009


i enjoyed listening to gordon brown’s speech to the american congress. it was a sensible mix of praise of america (as one commentator pointed out not only is it polite to big up the host country, but the americans expect it) and hardheaded realisation of the problems that face the uk, america and the world.
interestingly while gordon brown was very keen to push the special relationship (which more and more seems to be a one way special relationship, except when america needs an ally in war) he was also quick to point out that america now has the chance to work with the most pro-american europe there has been.
no one really expects much more than pretty words at such speeches, it is not about laying down hard policy it is about rallying the troops.
well no one that is other than the gordon brown haters. he really is on a hiding to nothing. it is his fault that there is a financial crisis, even though it seems to be happening across the globe, he is wrong to try to stimulate the economy even though all other governments are doing something similar.
people just don’t like him; you can see that on the bbc messageboards, where pretty much to a man they hate him. it is ironic that there is so much negative comment about mr. brown on the bbc as it is seen as being the lapdog of new labour.
still never let the facts get in the way of a good story.

Tuesday, March 03, 2009


there i was out for a walk. i needed it as i had a mild headache that was threatening to turn into a big arsed throbbing one. out i went. then it rained and it was very windy. it was the last few days of winter coming out to play just to annoy me. a little into the walk i realised that i was wearing a pair of trainers that had a hole in the sole. ooops. soggy sock time.
headache averted.
now i just have to hope there is not a case of manful on the horizon.

the case of damp foot could not dampen (see what i did there?) the silly pleasure in thinking through my brand new blog. an announcement on it will follow soon. i know you are already excited, it will be as anticipated as the new cannon and ball film, not to mention as funny and as relevant.

Sunday, March 01, 2009


still recovering from my almost brush with fame.
though my rant was denied, i now have the taste for it. soon, sometime soon i will be on the stephen nolan show.
here me roar.

(i am now officially sad, at this rate i will be applying to appear on reality tv shows).