i am not sure what i have done to my diet but recently my poo has taken on miraculous properties: it floats.
only after several flushes will it disappear.
there must be a use for such a talent.
it didn't take me long to work out what i could do with my unsinkable turds.
i have david cameron and the conservatives to thank for my idea - the combination of austerity drive and the big society has provided me with the inspiration. under the tories the austerity drive means that a number of lifeboat installations are going to be shut down. given that this vital service might be left short or resources i am volunteering my floatation dumps as a solution. whenever there is a disaster at sea they can fly me out to there location and i can do a giant dump and there you go 'big jobby' done and people are holding on for dear life and safety.
with a bit of work i can expand it out to all sorts of other disaster relief techniques.
sure it might smell but in times of great need sacrifices have to be made.
the big worry is keeping it out of the hands of the military - where it could have potential devastating effects becoming a whole new strain of biological warfare.
so look at dragon's den me and my amazing poo is coming your way.