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Saturday, January 22, 2011


the conservative party are looking for a new media chief. they are looking for someone to replace the recently resigned andy coulson. coulson has had to go because of the phone hacking scandal at the news of the world newspaper. (as a quick digression here i read recently that the law on phone hacking is such that if someone should 'hack' your phone after you have listened to your messages then it doesn't count, it is only illegal if they have listened to your messages before you. so does it mean it doesn't count as stealing if people take something after you have used it? 'm'lud - it can't be stealing, they have been watching that tv for months now...') anyway coulson said that even though he was the editor of the paper he had no knowledge of the hacking.
and we believe him, don't we?

by all accounts he has done a good job as communications director for the conservative party and, more recently, the government. sadly though once he became the story he had to go.

bye bye andy.

anyway i want to throw my hat into the ring as the government's media director.
firstly it is not like i have much else to do right now and having some money coming in would be nice.
secondly it would show that the government is serious about helping people get back to work - though surely given the way they are asking councils around the country to save cash the role of communications director should be abolished.
thirdly i can spin that little conundrum for them with simple words of advice that will appeal to many parents out there: "do as i say, not do as i do".
fourthly i can distill the government message down to its very essence and because of thise save them money - no need to run fancy campaigns when everyone knows what you stand for and what you mean. even better such a bold statement frees them up to do what they all came into politics to do: suck up to the richer and powerful.

so without further preamble i give you the government's message (true this is coming mainly from the conservative side of the coalition, but we have seen that many of the liberal democrats are happy to sign up to it).
"we hate the poor. everything that is wrong in the country is because of the poor. we love the rich. everything that is good in the country is becase of the rich. the poor will have to pay more."

see short and sweet. all bases are covered. no lies are told.
i thank you.

now give me the job.

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