over the summer the talk was all about legacy.
legacy this, legacy that.
all about getting the kids out playing sport, getting them fit, making them the olympic stars of the future. a lot was said about the need to combat the problem of nationwide obesity epidemic. after the glow of the olympics and paralympics you could see more people out and about trying to get fit. who can blame them?
stop for a minute and let’s have a think.
there is the olympics, the paralympics, the special olympics and let’s not forget the deaflympics (oh yes – but there is no news about the next games on their website), so i think there is room for a new games. i think my proposed new games will be an instant hit and there will be an army of potential competitors.
i give you the blympics – to be contested only by fat athletes. there would be a weight qualification – you would have to be obese to be able to enter. once in you would be entered into your class of obesity, so everyone is competing on an equal footing. i expect that some overweight people might complain that they are being discriminated against, but if they want to compete in the blympics they will have to up their game and eat some more doughnuts until they get to obese levels of athleticism.
some sports would have to change freestyle and greco-roman wrestling will be replaced with sumo wrestling. the diving events will become the ‘dive bomb’ event where the scores will go to the largest splash (height, distance and symmetry of the splash being the key to victory). cycling events will have to take place using the very sturdy boris bikes. the water events will all take place on large ponds using the whitehall style or rowboat – it is safer and had more room for the competitor. the gymnastics will be about being able to do forward and backward rolls and climbing the rope.
a few new events will be added: endurance and speed eating.
i know what you are thinking that this idea is a bit far out – but i tell you this is a guaranteed winner. tell me who doesn’t want to see a bunch of fatties running around panting and sweating in very very tight lycra? who wouldn’t pay great wodges of cash to see them wobble and shake like partly set jelly as they sprint or jump their way to blympic glory?
it may not reduce obesity but it does mean that those of us who like a doughnut or 5 have a chance to win something.
get behind the blympics. you know it makes sense.