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Tuesday, December 04, 2012


it's not a big secret that i don't like the christmas period. this wasn't always the case. as i have gotten older i have become more cynical about the whole thing.

some of it is to with the unholy alliance between rampant commercialism and unbridled consumerism.
some of it is to do with the rubbish that is fobbed off as entertainment - from comedy books that are just not funny, songs that are so anodyne that they may as well be sleeping pills and films that are so syrupy that they will give you diabetes.
some of it is the false bonhomie that comes over people (mostly manic or pissed) or it's antithesis of people who rail against christmas but still indulge themselves.

as i have gotten older i have become more and more like the grinch.

but if there is one thing i really hate about christmas it is shops and such like playing christmas songs.
now i don't have a thing against christmas songs as such. there are great christmas carols and there are great christmas pop songs, and i have been known to sing along to a few of them (admittedly my contribution has never been warmly received).
no what i can't stand is muzak versions of christmas songs - where all personality, warmth and fun have been driven out of the song.
as bad as that is there is an even further torture for the music lover - the jazzy reinterpretation of christmas songs. i am not talking about making them swing, i am not talking about giving them a be-bob sound. no i am talking about slow low and elongated jazz vocal stylings that take a fairly upbeat song and contrive to turn it into an lengthy funeral dirge with a vocal warble hear and vocal trill there.

it's not real jazz.
it's no real music.
it's just cruel. 
it's utter fucking shit. 

it should be banned and if the european human rights act wants to prove its worth it could start with jazz christmas vocals.
the world will thank it.


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