-17

i remember: dentists.

from an early age i was scared of dentists. i blame my dad. dad was a handsome man when he was younger before the booze, fags and the worries of the world wore him down. he was also a bit of a hard man as well; you had to be to be a publican, who knew what fights you might have to get into.
when we were living in greenford he had to go to the dentist, i think he was having a tooth or two taken out in preparation for his false teeth. i remember it being a small little surgery that was very much like someone’s front room (the flock wall paper sticks in my mind).
now dad did want to be there, and i am not sure if i was there as moral support or he was trying to teach me an important life lesson. i was too young to be much support and the only lesson i learnt from it was the wrong one.
so we sat there waiting for dad to be called.
he was smoking a cigarette, a player’s senior service. (remember the days where you could smoke anywhere?)
the dental assistant came in and said “once you have finished your cigarette the dentist will see you.” she left.
dad took out the packet and lit up the remaining fags and started to puff.
for a young child it was amazingly funny.
(he got his false teeth they were horrid they made him look like a little like ken dodd. he only ever wore them as a joke. one of the things i wish i had remembered to pick up when my dad died was his false teeth).

i learnt from that dentists were nasty people.
i have never forgotten this lesson, which explains why my teeth are in horrid condition.
i am scared; no make that shit scared of the dentist.

i remember being at my dentist and telling her that she should just drill the tooth and forget the needle as i was too scared of it.
i remember being so scared that i didn’t even want to get a gumshield made up by my dentist (my goofy like front teeth made the cheapo ones no good). even that was a painful experience and all she had to do was make an impression of my teeth.
i remember having to come to an arrangement with the dentist that i would have a check up one week and she would do nothing to me at that meeting, and i would come back a week later for treatment.
i remember sitting in the waiting room panicking because i was going to have a filling while two young children went in with a smile for fillings and extractions. then they came out with a smile. scary kids.
i remember telling dave ellis how much i hated the dentist, he told me how he thought it was ok. i then told i was always scared of the needle breaking off in my gum. he wasn’t quite so complacent the next time he went to the dentist.

the dentist is the only place i think i am dustin hoffman.