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Thursday, October 05, 2006


i remember wrestling.
i love wrestling; well more specifically i love the word wrestling entertainment (the wwe). it was not ever thus. now i admit i can remember watching the world of sport’s wrestling shows. my gran was a big fan, she would sit there and hiss and boo at the wrestlers, all the while there would be a clicky clacking as her fingers moved in a complex blur and like magic jumpers were created.
i outgrew wrestling.
fast forward years and i am working. some of the lads i worked with were fans of the wwe, but back then it was the wwf before the pandas beat them up for use of the wwf trademark. oh how i snorted when maybank would tell me of the wrestling show he had watched the night before. derision dripped from my every pore.
in a hotel room i am skimming through the channels to see if there is something to watch. nope, no, nothing… it was going to be a springsteen moment of 57 channels and nothing on. stumbled across the wrestling. i watched a little bit. sort of fascinated, sort of horrified and mildly entertained.
like a scab i couldn’t stop going back to the wrestling. before i knew it i was hooked.
i still am.
i am not like shep who is a bona fide expert on the squared circle, a man who can tell you the various ring names of the wrestlers, their finishing moves and their catch phrases. i am a humble fan.
but this isn’t a story about wrestling as such, oh no.
it is about a day in the office, like many such days it looked like it was going to be another day that would be given over to wage slavery.
the phone rings and it is my pal jim. i have known jim for over 14 years. we share many likes. he has a deft turn of phrase and can tell a mean story.
how little did i know that today would be the mother of all stories?
how did i know as i answered that phone that i would soon be told a story that even now has me grinning like a loon?
i shan’t bother telling you the story, it doesn’t translate. i know this to be the case as i have tried to explain it to several people who just look at me as if i should be on meds. but it was epic. it started off with modern wrestling and had a punch line from the glory days of big daddy.
by the conclusion of the story i was laughing so hard i was no longer laughing but had moved into an octave that only dogs can hear, i was having trouble breathing, i had a red mist in front of my eyes, and my cheeks were slick with tears from laughing. there were points where neither i nor jim could speak as all we were doing was a made wheezey laugh down the phone at each other. i was trapped in my chair, unable to coordinate my body parts as they shook with laughter. at some point one of the girls from accounts had come into my office. she was shocked to see me, normally i don’t smile but here i was with a full fledged laughter fest taking place. for a moment i thought she was going to call a doctor in case i had damaged myself.
i don’t think i have ever laughed so hard.
i am still giggling about it – even now.
and i know the punch line…


ems said...

I think you're fibbing about the smiles - there's no way you can keep a straight face when my sister is in full flow.

Theresa May?

Shep said...

Just give us the fucking story, you cock-tease!

(copyright Jim Hellwig aka The Ultimate Warrior)