review

not so much a review more a series of cautions or warnings.
when i started receiving piles of dvds i made the stupid naive promise that i would watch them all.
it was a dumb promise, but i am doing my best.
so recently i have suffered through.

house of 9. it stars kelly brook and dennis hooper. it steals from such films as cube, series 7, my little eye, battle royale. given that it steals from quality films how is it that it turns out to be utter shite. i have no idea. i fell asleep on my first watch and had to sit through some of it a second time. it was even worse. kelly may look sexy but she can't act. dennis has decided that he can do whatever he wants now as he as reached iconic cult status. he has a horrid "oirish" accent in this film. there is not even an interesting death in the film and no titillation to speak of.
it is pants. avoid.

land of the living dead. hooper features in this as well. was looking forward to it. recently horror films have been good. oh well. there are a few interesting scenes in this, but the majority of it is dull and slow. i am sure there is some sort of meaning that can be gotten from this (romero previously dealt with racism and consumerism through the prism of zombies) but i suspect this was about the death of talent. wait for it to appear on sky and get someone to record it for you.

bewitched. why? why? why? nicole kidman had made some dumb films recently. i am sure it seemed like a good idea take a great tv series from the 60s turn it into a movie, but give it a post-modern slant as nicole plays a witch who wants to live a normal life, she ends up playing a witch in a sitcom who wants to live a normal life. woooooo high concept. nicole looks lovely, but comes across as a spoilt brat. michael caine sleepwalks through the film (as he does through so many) shirley mclaine mugs it up (though she could have been "acting" for all i know...) and will ferrell is well.. will, with his physical comedy shtick (imagine a cross between a hyperactive will smith and lee evans and you are there). i am not sure there was a laugh in the film. don't bother with it - soon to be in bargain bins in blockbuster.

satan's little helper. a cheap tacky scareless suspenseless horror type film. it's this sort of movie that gives small films a bad name. i can't help wonder what amanda plummer thought she was doing when she appeared in this. it is a shite film that is as appealing as dried shit on a shitty stick.
i've watched it - you don't have to.