there was a time many many years ago when i wanted to be a social science researcher. oh yes i had it all planned out, get the masters, then the doctorate then researcher, publish and lecture. hell who knows maybe my own tv show discussing the issues of the day. nice dream. fell apart with the failing of the masters.
now when i was thinking of being a researcher i was wandering what great truths could i reveal to the world. i wasn’t expecting to be a marx (no jay, not groucho, but karl) or even a talcott, but i thought yeah there are things that need to be described, discussed and revealed. just have to look in the right places.
i wasn’t thinking that as a social scientist i should state the obvious. well not even the obvious but the bleeding obvious. the stuff that was so true that you had to be either blind or in denial not to see it.
so step up otago university’s medical school with a blinding piece of research that tells us, hold on a minute before i reveal what it says are you sitting down? this is likely to (to quote the d) rock your socks off.
are you sitting?
really? good then read on.
the otago university medical school’s research reveals that watching too much tv can lead to obesity.
well no shit sherlock. true it is slightly more scientific then too much wanking makes you blind, but it is as about as useful.
sure they do the science bit of “after adjusting the research for family history and socio-economic status, the study with co-author richie poulton found that the time spent watching tv "is a significant predictor of body-mass index and being overweight." but the end conclusion is “that watching tv makes children more likely to become overweight. tv time, they contend, is a strong predictor of whether someone will be overweight”.
now this may come as a shock to americans but the rest of us knew that.
so i am proposing to set up research that shows (and i know this is doing bad science) that eating too much chocolate will make you fat and potentially rot your teeth. both these possible outcomes are further increased if you do not exercise or brush your teeth.
i could have done the too much masturbation causes bad eyesight – but the results might scare me.
1 comment:
Goes to show what I worked out a few years back. That you do not have to have lots of letters after your name to have something to say, especially soemthing useful and important.
I myself am moving towards a "job" as a lecturer and I have no real qualifications to speak of. What I do have is good understanding and very good common sense. I will be doing some more studies but not for a degree, just to learn about some areas I don't fully understand but mainly to have the "lingo" to be enable me to be taken seriously by the more uptight people in the world.
What a ridiculous waste of time and money that research was. Think of all the really important things they could be researching.
I wait with bated breath to read your research findings and hope that there will be many more important research projects ahead.
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