health

there i was in the library. i was reading a trade paperback (x-men legacy: aftermath by mike carey if you must know). my read was interrupted by a bloke who wanted to know if i was white and over not over 50. i am. did i want a free health check? oh ok if you must. well it was free and it would have been rude to refuse.

it was to see about what my risks of a cardiovascular event (not a good thing) are.

as i was filling out the papers they handed me i started to have second thoughts. why? when it comes to my health i can be incredibly pessimistic. i quite like blissful ignorance as opposed to bad news. however i overcame my nerves and went in for the tests.

first up was height, weight and waist measurement. height was a revelation i seem to have grown two inches. weight – still a fat bastard. waist – bigger than it should be.

then it was the blood sample. just a little prick. now i have spent a whole bunch of hours being tattooed, an electric needle inking designs into my skin – no problem. a needle to take my blood and i come over all shivery and filled with the heebie jeebies: so i am a wuss. while the sucked up blood was being tested i was asked the questions – do i exercise enough? no. do i eat well? no. do i have regular check-up? no. the only place i seemed to be virtuous was in not drinking or smoking. yay me.

then i get the results. blood sugar, ok. not diabetic. cholesterol within limits, though i need to be careful. blood pressure within limits, fine and dandy. body mass index – oh deary deary me – well outside the limits. i was told that i needed to lose weight and that i needed to get down to my target weight range – which even at the highest part of it is still 30kgs lighter than i am. no chance. it did make me smile though.

in short i was told i wasn’t that bad and that a some exercise and better diet and my risks would be reduced further.

nice.

later that day i was walking (hey it’s exercise) when i thought ‘hold on’ wasn’t my risk 48%? that’s not good, this is pretty shit – it’s a one in two chance. panic.

turns out that the 48% was actually 4.8% and that was the average risk for someone of my height and age. my risk was 8.7% not quite twice the risk for my age and height, still much much better than 48%.

from this i learnt that i am shit at numbers and i could risk a pack of doughnuts.

They were yummy (if you must know).