there are some days when i realise that i am turning into my dad. in most circumstances this would not be a bad thing – my dad was a fine man, a hard worker who provided the best he could for his family. sure he was an alcoholic, sure he could tell porky pies the size of canary wharf and sure he never got my age right. worst of all my dad was a supporter of the tory party and a reader of the daily express (back when it was a real newspaper), the daily mail and for good measure the news of the world. oh the shame of it.
you can pretty much guess there wasn’t a lot we agreed on politically.
and like all good sons i swore never to be like my parents.
when i had my moment of parenthood (basically for several years i dated, lived with and loved a single mother and part of that meant i looked after her child). i tried my best to be a good “dad” in many ways i succeeded (if only because he became a fan of rock music, sf and comics), along the way i learnt that being a parent isn’t as easy as my mum and dad made it look, and i also had my first “oh no i am turning into my dad” moments (another one was when i was watching tv many years ago and on came sarah brightman and not only did i think mmm she has a good voice, but i found myself thinking mmm she’s attractive… and for those few moments i was my dad!)
so where is this going? you ask. well partly it is to say that my short time in the trenches of parenthood showed me that bring up a child was a heavy responsibility and not something to be done lightly. while lots of people talk about the rights of adults to have children i find myself wanting to shout its night a right it’s a privilege and not one that should be granted lightly. (hell you have to have a license to drive – but all you need to do to have a child is get hot and sweaty for a few minutes…)
what has brought on this near reactionary rant (ok it is a reactionary rant that may as well be a letter to the daily mail from “angry of east london”)?
well it is the following tale of three sisters. three sisters who all became mums within months of each other. ah such a nice heart warming tale – except the mums are 12, 14 and 16. jemma 12 (now 14) was the first to become pregnant, followed by jade (then 14 now 15) and natasha (then 16 – now 18).
their mum, julie (38) was shocked to discover that her 12 year old was pregnant, she found out 7 months in “i only found out when i took her to buy a new bra and as she was being measured i saw her huge bump.” julie doesn’t see this as a failing on her part of being a parent, nope not her fault, of course it is the state’s fault that all three of her underage daughters have gotten pregnant and given birth. "i don't care what people say about me. i blame the schools, sex education for young girls should be better." (daily mail) it is nice to know that she is providing a positive role model to her 3 daughters.
(one of my friends did comment that sometimes that parents can’t be aware of what their children are up to 24 hours of everyday, and the mum shouldn’t be totally vilified. have to say i am not sure i share his liberal views on this – once would be bad enough but for all three to have gotten pregnant….. )
anyway jemma is upset because the dad has had no dealings with her or his child, which she has christened t-jay (poor little blighter doubly cursed, he’s got a mum who thinks giving him a name that sounds like a brand of trainers is cool….) , meanwhile natasha has named her daughter amine (at first it appeared she couldn’t spell armani, but the dad is asian so i am hoping the name is of asian origin) oh by the way natasha’s lover is 38 (and according to the sun (and we all trust the sun don’t we?) natasha has had two miscarriages and an abortion).
jade has named her daughter lita.
the upside of the story is that the kids (all 6 of them) shouldn’t need for anything as they are receiving benefits of around £600 a week between them.
and i am hoping that the “sensational” nature of the reporting precludes an account of how social services are trying to help steer 3 very young women through this difficult situation, after all that can’t expect too much support from their mum who seems happy to blame the schools for not teaching her daughters not to have 1] underage sex 2] not to have unprotected sex if you are going to have it. i mean it’s not like julie didn’t have a chance to point out to natasha after the first miscarriage “look luv take the pill or just say no….”
still i bet julie had a helping hand making sure her grandson got a name he could be proud of. ah if only johnny cash was around today he would be singing “a boy named t-jay” and i tell you something it works just as well.
and i am becoming more like my dad everyday...
3 comments:
not sure her claim of not being unique will hold much water (after all how many mums of 3 underage mums can there be?)
she loses all sympathy by pointing the finger of blame at others.
from reading the sun and the mail i was not sure what they were most upset about underage sex or the fact that the state was stumping up lots of cash.
if only the sun could have tied it in with asylum seekers i think ms wade would have been in hog heaven.
the point about the boys does show the double standards we apply. after all if a bloke sleeps around he is a stud, a woman who does it is a slag.
what did bother me about the male involvement was the 38 year old who had gotten the eldest daughter pregnant. now there is someone who should be tarred and feathered.
oops i am channeling me dad again
as i say i think is is pretty unique - if only for her lack of parenting skills (3 out of 3 underage daughters and all now mums themselves.....)
i suppose my gripe with her was simply the fact that she was reported as blaming schools for not doing what is really something parents should teach their kids.
but yes you don't want to go from being the lady next door to being the target of middle england.
but then i suppose the secret would be not to appear on a tv show.
If you want to be left alone you don't generally speak to all the tabloids and appear on the tv. You shut the front door and stay there.
Sex education in schools isn't great but after the first underage daughter episode you might have thought she'd have had a word with the others.
Schools get the blame for far too much these days. There are some fantastic teachers out there (myself included!) but we can't reform the whole of society on our own.
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