one of the ways for me to walk to work is along a canal, and very scenic it is too. everynow and then they have to clear out the sewage that seems to gather in some of the nooks and crannies that are along it's route.
the trucks they use to do this are wonderful machines - gleaming metal, dials, levers, buttons, pipes and so much more. for oldies like me they remind me of transformers and big die cast cars i could never afford.
it must be fun to drive one of them.
well i say that until the smell hits you. my good giddy aunt it's like all the turds from hell have been caught in the world's u-bend. it's enough to sear the hairs of your nose and take the lining off the back of your throat. i am not sure the compensation of driving around town in a groovy mofo of a truck is enough for the fact you spend you day breathing in the heady aroma of old stale shit.
having said that i am not doing the world any favours - currently changing my diet and let me say now what is coming out of my arse is not a pleasant smell, and well i have to let fly with the farts every now and then. i try to make sure no one is near when i do them. recently though i have not been able to keep in check some of the methane explosions. so i apologise to those people caught behind me on the stairs at the DLR, the couple who walked into the wall of smell at sainsburys and well i just say sorry to everyone who was in blockbusters that night because lord that one lingered.
the worst one i ever did was in the LSE library and i was so ashamed of it i had to go and study on another floor. i blamed the salmon sarnie i had that day.
on second thoughts maybe i should be driving one of those recycle the sewage trucks - that way i could just do it directly into the truck.
5 comments:
no meat - more bran.
That was funny-nice work-you my friend are a sick bastard and I mean that in only the best sense of the word.
I once found that I was the wellspring of flatulence, and decided to share these fruits with a rather dense and annoying fellow worker. As I usually had a good 10 second warning, I would position myself in his vicinity, let fly, and saunter back to my workstation. I must have dropped the bomb on him no fewer than ten times before he clued up and threatened violence. Sometimes you have to take advantage of what nature provides you.
anyway, thanks for the laugh.
to be completely honest i have had my moments of being a walking WMD, but i have to doff my cap to two ex workmates.
names haven't been changed to protect the innocent.
paul maybank was a veritable furnace of flatulence that would vary in intensity from vile to dangerous. he once confessed that he felt sorry for his mum, who had the task of making sure that paul was up and out in time for work. why feel sorry you say..... well according to paul by the time the his mum would have lifted the duvet paul would have been trumpeting in his sleep for a while so she would be hit full face with the decaying smell of stewed farts.
step forward richard warden, a friend i see fairly regulary, a man who has become a budhist and in so doing has become a vegan and has moved into super healthy mode. except that somewhere along the line they forgot to tell his colon. what makes it worse is that richard does what we have known since the playground as SBD (silent but deadly), so it is not until the tsunami of rank fragrance hits you that you realise he has let loose. imagine day old babyshit then imagine that someone is blowing hot stale air over it and in your direction and then let me tell you you only have half of it. even worse it lingers and follows you.
so to paul and richard i doff my cap.
That anonymous farting on collegue story was mine Pat.
On the day in question SBD was working its magic for me.
Damn Blogger
BTW thanks for the link.
no worries on the link. yours is one of the blogs i go back to read. lots of interesting stuff on it.
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