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Thursday, October 20, 2016


i remember the day we tried to create a rock star

one of my friends at school was david. dave was one of those blokes you just wanted to hate but you couldn't because he was just so darned charming. david had the looks. david had the body. david had the attitude. david was a ladies man par excellence.

i think we became friends because of rugby, he of course played the glamour positions while i just chundered along in the pack.

most weekends we would go see a movie and end up in pizza hut in harrow. didn't matter what we ate, didn't matter which of the waitresses served us they were all smitten by david - so free drinks or ice cream came our way. it was daunting to be in his company when the ladies were trying to have a moment with him. the air shimmered, the earth shook and he just smiled the smiled that made them go weak in all those places they go weak.

of course david was a bit of a fashion plate and he was happy to rock the nu-romantic look.

it was then we had the great idea - why not take david and term him into a rock star.
it was so obvious.
he had the looks.
he had the moves.
he had the style.
he had the charm.
it was a slam dunk.

luckily among the group of friends were several musicians who had the recording equipment we needed. we all piled around to their place.
excitement rippled. this could be the start of something big.

the reel to reel was set up. levels were tested.
headphones sorted. a track to sing was chosen - 'tainted love' as performed by soft cell.
excitement mounted.
we left david to it. only to return once he had sung his heart out - turning all that passion that oozed from him when he silver tongued the ladies. we counted the seconds down. the thought of david as a front man making the musicians in the room go as weak as the girls david normally charmed.

remember he had the looks, the moves, the style and the charm.
sadly what david didn't have was the voice.
david might have been a lot of things but a singer was never going to be one of his talents. it wasn't that he couldn't carry a tune in a bucket it - it was that he couldn't even carry the bucket.

while we all had a laugh, including david - who swore he could sing, there was an underlying sense of disappointment because we all hoped that he could, we all saw a rock and roll future ahead for us.
it was not to be.

i know you are wondering if i ever thought about getting up there and rocking my socks off.
the answer is yes. while david was bad i was worse. in my head i have a nice speaking voice - when ever i hear a recording of it all i hear is a whiney whine, while my singing is something that can only be described as cruel and unusual.

i am never going to be that rock star. 

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