tories

the tories are preparing for a snap election. they are worried that gordon brown is doing so well in the polls he will go to the country and ask for his own mandate.

one of the first things that david cameron’s conservative party (not quite as snappy as new labour, but i guess it does signal a break from the past) will have to do is get their manifesto written.
to be fair they have been working on the foundations of this document since cameron was elected. in a sensible move cameron set in motion a number of fact finding policy groups, their results would inform the content of the manifesto.

rather than wait for the conservatives to unveil the full manifesto i thought i would bring you a sneak peak.

the conservative manifesto for 2007/2008 (or for whenever gordon calls the election) is as follows.

the economy: tax cuts and more tax cuts. if the richer are richer the poor have to work harder. sorted.
society: everything will be much better when everyone is married. by the way it is your life don’t expect us to help.

right that is the big picture dealt with just a couple of other things we need to mention and then we are done.
human rights or anything else that might help you against big business – well frankly it has to go because… well they have been abused once or twice and we don’t like them. remember from now on doff your caps.
immigration, frankly since we lost the empire we don’t really like the, so unless they are rich enough to employ accountants to get them out of paying taxes we don’t want them here.
crime we are going to bang them up (unless they are white collar criminals in which case it might be a nasty talking to they get).

in case you can’t remember all that let me remind you that here at the tory party we stand for tax cuts and marriage. that’s it really. pretty simple.
vote for us.


(this party political broadside has been brought to you by pat, a graduate of the mark steel school of comedy.)