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Saturday, February 12, 2005

laugh

sometimes you just have to laugh or else you would cry.

so here are some of the things that have occurred just recently that have made me smile.

ikea: i am not particularly house proud. in fact i probably take an inordinate amount of pride in just how messy my place is. it is no longer a pigsty - it is worse than that. i have so much junk it is not true. what is worse is that i seem to add to it each week. even i am not thinking that my flat is approaching being a dangerous tip and i need to do something about it.
having said that i am still a loooong way from wanting to go to a midnight opening of ikea, especially if that opening happens to be in edmonton (even the lovely city of london has to have some depressing places). but lured by the promise of opening day bargains such as a £45 leather sofa (it surely couldn't have been the less than funny poster ads they had used) 6000 people queued to enter the store, and when the doors opened all english decorum left them and pandemonium broke out.
"Ms Christian, 38, a civil servant, said: "There were people who each had one end of a sofa and were pulling in different directions, both shouting, 'It's mine.' Some were lying on sofas that people were trying to take away. It was total chaos. In fact, chaos was an understatement. I've never seen anything like it in my life.'' (from the independent)
in what could be a scene from dawn of the dead the piece goes on
"Inside, Mr Olie said it had all been going "very smoothly'' as the first people were let in. "But then they gathered all around the store and tried to come in through all the doors. We closed the doors and tried to let in one person at a time but then they came in force.''
the good news (if you happen to be into home decorating and such like) is that the store has reopened and that:
" a counselling service had been set up for the workers by the company following the events. " (bbc)
now that is what i call classy - but also a little depressing. still we live in a world of victim culture so what can we expect.

cherie: not really a fan of hers - the smiling gash of a mouth scares me. however i appreciate she must being doing something right to be a mum of several kids, married to the pm and still be a success in her chosen field of the law. that said i am not sure i would pay a penny to hear her speak. she is currently on a controversial speaking tour of austrailia and new zealand. from what i can make out it is controversial because she is making a lot of money from it rather than she is saying anything that is boat rocking radical.
but i have to say i would have like to have been there when she confused new zealand with austrailia - not once but twice. for me it would be like being called welsh or, heaven forbid, french! now i know public speaking isn't easy - in the right circumstances i can talk the hind legs off a donkey - ask me to speak in public and i am as shy as a mouse. but even i know you prepare your notes carefully to make sure you have the names and places right.
whats more people said she was dull and boring. (telegraph)

ellen: i must confess to being underwhelmed by ellen macarthur's record breaking round the world solo sail. oh i can appreciate the skill, the dedication, the determination it must have taken for her to do it. i am sure she overcame physical hardship and faced potential danger. but i am left with a big so what. her achievement has not changed or impacted on my life, it means nothing to me. (to be honest i am like that with most things though - i was not buoyed up (to keep the nautical feel) by the gold medals that were won by the gb team in the olympics. i appreciated the skills of those who achieved but it was just a fleeting glancing whoop of pleasure from me, it was the same when england won the rugby world cup).

now this might make me appear to be a miserable old git - and frankly you would be right.
but this letter to the independent - well takes it to another level entirely.

"Lone sailors off watch
Sir: While Ellen MacArthur's latest round-the-world bid ended in success, I wonder how she managed to complete this while breaking international law.
The International Regulations for Preventing Collisions at Sea clearly state: "Every vessel shall at all times maintain a proper lookout by sight and hearing as well as by all available means appropriate in the prevailing circumstances and conditions so as to make a full appraisal of the situation and of the risk of collision."
Nowhere in these rules is there a section which allows you to break them if you are on a solo round-the-world bid. There are reports that she had no more than four hours' sleep per day, but during these four hours there is no way she could be keeping a lookout by sight. I am a merchant navy officer and have seen many of my professional colleagues fined or indeed facing jail sentences for failing to keep a proper lookout.
These are the same people who would have to risk their lives in a rescue attempt if these solo yachtspersons get into difficulties.
DEREK GRAY Chirnside, Berwickshire"
derek - i doff my cap to you for showing me that there are still levels of miseryguts that i have yet to explore. you are my new hero and my new guiding light.

also from the same edition

"Sir: Congratulations to Ellen MacArthur on an extraordinary achievement. At the same time it would be apt to remember and raise a glass to previous world-rounders who have achieved the same single-handed feat, albeit slower, without the daily security of satellite navigation systems.
JASON GRIST Teddington, Middlesex"
while you jason - you need to read derek's letter because you have shown yourself to be small and petty when it comes to being miserable. read derek and learn. and in future jason don't be such a wishy washy miserable git.

while ellen's efforts have done little to spark my imagination i realise that the world needs people like her to keep doing those eccentric headline making journeys, climbs, walks, runs, etc. they brighten up the day and continue to remind us that we can achieve a lot just by being people.
(now that makes me appear to be as bad and as wishy washy as jason. darn!)

camilla: i gave up my royalist leanings many many years ago, probably about the time i realised that actually i was not abducted from the royal family when i was a baby and that i was never going to be king. so the announcement that camilla and charles are going to get married feels me with about as much excitement as someone sailing around the world did.
there have been a few moments that i have liked in this. one was the lass who married the really useless member of the family saying "i recommend getting married in windsor castle". i am sure that this is an option open to most of us.
i like the fact that it has been timed to take a certain amount of heat of of andy for using helicopters at tax payers expense rather than catch the train.
i admire charles for going with a woman his own age - not like that nice mr. trump and his thatched hair, or mr douglas and ms zeta-jones.
the other aspect of it all has been the rash of polls about whether or not camilla should be queen, whether the queen should abdicate, should charles still be the head of the church (or as he calls it defender of the faith - a judas priest lp if ever there was one - rock on charles), that nazi prince and his brother are in favour of it all.
all of this is operating within the scope of the fact the royal family are relevant. they are not. and as we are trying to be more american why don't we copy the one thing they have done that is good.
lets become a republic.
about time.

2 comments:

Jodie said...

Hey, if Charles can marry Camilla, there's hope for me and all the other middle aged divorced women in the world...or maybe that only happens in England. Sigh.

pat said...

jodie, thanks for stopping by.
i am sure such things happen the world over. more and more i am thinking charles is an alright geezer. his only problem is that he is a royal!