pants

times are hard.

bad times bad choices.

needs must.

do what you have to do to get by.

i get that. i really do.

quite a lot of us are suffering. prices soaring. wages, if you have them, are static. work, if you have it, is no longer as secure as it used to be.

quite a few of us feel powerless in this brave new world of populist austerity. politics no longer makes sense. machines are coming to take our jobs, while we are being told that work is what we need to keep us going. every day is another warning about what to do or eat if we don’t want to die a premature, and probably lonely painful, death. every day a new miracle fad of what to do or eat to keep us healthy and active for longer. celebrities moaning about the state of the world while living in the lap of luxury that the rest of us can only dream about. commentators changing their minds almost as frequently as economic forecasters change their predictions.

it is a strange and harsh world.

i get all of that.

i understand that every now and then we faced with a tough choice. or we just want to stick it to the man in a small, hope filled, gesture of defiance. sometimes this leads to petty theft.

i don’t condone it, but i understand the rationale behind it.

except sometimes i don’t.

this is one of those times.

there are times when all that will do is a bit of late night shopping, and there is only one place for that 24-hour asda, big box retail. now i have no axe to grind with asda (well i do have one – what has happened to your nice cheap 4xl t-shirts? why have you stopped them? why? and no i don’t mean the skinny fit 4xl – as i just don’t understand who needs a skinny fit 4xl – you wear cheap 4xl tees because you are like me a fat bastard – and you really don’t want to show that off. so, there is my one gripe at asda).

however, there are some of their customers i wish biblical plagues on.

one of the things i like to buy from asda is a cheap pack of pants: 5 for a fiver. nice simple pants. they do want i want them to do: cover my bits. sometimes you get 3 white pairs, sometimes you get 3 black pairs – but who really cares? when you are going for cheap and cheerful you are not too worried about the next time you might be lucky and have to drop your trews for a bit of hanky panky.

but. and there is always a but.

but mostly when i rock up at asda to get pants i am faced with the fact that some oik has come along and stolen a pair from a pack. and then stolen another pair from another pack, and lo the little tea leaf has taken yet another pair from yet another pack. in fact, if one pair has been stolen i can guarantee that every pack in my size has one missing. yes, dear reader i could make up a 5 pack – but that is the sort of sensible thing that as you are doing security comes along and you spend hours explaining and arguing.

i go back to my earlier statement of understanding that times are tough, but could you at least just steal from one pack? but no! even worse i have noticed that the theft can be colour coordinated – all the ones taken are of a colour. i can understand the hardship angle, but if you are going to be fashion conscious about it then you deserve to suffer. true it might be about fashion. perhaps you are all klanned up and you don’t want darkie colours near your crown jewels and you don’t want your nearest and dearest getting any ideas about trying a bit of black – just in case it is true: once tried you never go back. or maybe you are all black lives matter and you have decided that white is the way to go so you are sitting on the man, striking a political statement with your skidders in the face of tighty whitey establishment.

i really don’t know.

so asda pant thieves a plea – please just steal your pants from the same pack, allow those of us who are paying for our skimpies the thrill of finding a full pack. If you have to remain a wanker who steals a pair from each pack then you deserve to be struck down by constant vicious boils on your ball sacs and the tip of your ocock needs to seep pus every time you get the idea you want a little fun.

simple effective justice.