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Friday, June 13, 2014


on one of my periodic health kicks: this is where i realise i am too fat and i eat too much junk food. 

sometimes my battle takes the form of digging up a pair of trainers and going for an early morning run. now i am not the most elegant of runners – there is no rhythmic pounding of the streets, no smooth gliding across the pavements. just lots of huff and puff and lurching and thudding from side to side.  for this reason i either run very early in the morning or very late at night: fewer people to scare and fewer people to laugh. 

sometimes my battle takes the form of changing my diet and eating responsibly. this should be easy except i hate anything to do with food preparation. besides do you know how good a packet of chocolate biscuits and a pint of cold milk taste? not to mention how well they fill you up. double win.
for the moment i am going the way of better food, and less food (like most fat bastards i eat more than i need to). no more cheap chocolate and cakes. much less cheap fizzy pop (well sainsbury’s cheap brand cola is only 25p a big bottle, so what if it doesn’t taste fantastic look at how much there is). cheap fresh fruit from the market – bananas, grapes, oranges – loads of them and still change in my pocket. more veg, less cheese. remember pasta is my friend. 

i can do this. 

there was a pretty immediate effect as my toilet habits had to change. big logs. 

then came a fall. look i don’t claim to have an iron will. i don’t claim to be above temptation, i know i am weak willed so that is why i agreed to have a weekend blow out – yes chocolate you have the weekends. so i was proud of myself when i walked by cream cakes and didn’t even look. who needs cream cakes?
then it happened. sainsbury’s just before closing. custard filled doughnuts. half-price. six of them. custard filled cheap doughnuts. i am a sucker for custard filled doughnuts. i love them. sainsbury’s to their credit make a lovely custard filled doughnut. at half-price i would have to be an ordained trappist monk to be able to resist. 

i am not.
i did not.
i got home. guilty, i admit. 

sat back to enjoy them, ready to savour all the badness that is so good about a custard filled sainsbury’s doughnut. lips licked in anticipation. yum yum. first succulent bite taken - mmm sugar, mmm oily baked dough. second bite: more sugar and strawberry jam. 


strawberry jam, oh dear reader i was mortified. i had broken my good food pledge for just a jam doughnut. not a custard doughnut, a plain ordinary jam doughnut.
the fun had gone. the magic had gone. i didn’t enjoy finishing off the doughnuts. 

next time i will be stronger!

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