ennui

the french probably have a word for it (they normally do).

no doubt the germans do too (but it will sound like a cat coughing up a hairball).

whatever the hellenic word is it’ll just be greek to me.

so i will stick with a good old fashioned-it-does-what-it-says-it-does-and-sounds-good-when-you-say-it.

i have become lazy.

in the words of pink floyd – i have become comfortably numb. (though without the drugs and the disillusionment of the world of music and the world at large). 

to paraphrase one of the greatest authorities ever to stride the face of the planet (that would be frank zappa, just in case you didn’t know) i am sullen and withdrawn in my own secret thoughts (strangely that is another song about music messing up the musician – it’s not like i have any musical talent or anything…) 

it’s not that i have stopped caring.

it’s not that i have stopped getting angry.

it is just that i have stopped caring enough, i don’t get angry enough.

i sort of shrug, sigh ‘it is what it is’. mumble a little whatever and then move along.

recently an article about women being murdered irritated me – as it seemed to be that the point of the article was that all men are bastards and all men are just a step away from killing women. once the initial flare of indignation had burnt itself out i moved on to reading a comic.

then there was dara o’briain’s curious intervention on the end of all male quiz shows, if only for the fact he pretty much said that women weren’t funny, at least not that many of them. again a frisson of interest soon snuffed out by the thoughts of eating a cheese sandwich.

i couldn’t even be arsed to write a little piece about how much i was falling in love with wendi deng – and it has nothing to do with the fact she is going to be minted from her divorce settlement (but wendi if you need someone to help you spend it….)

anyway as we bid farewell to the second month of the year i realise that this can’t go on.

funny thing is i don’t do this because i want people to read it or to like it, i do it because i want to. that is the key bit: i want to. just recently i haven’t wanted to do anything.

that needs to change.

perhaps this is a start.

one small step, a dipping of my toe back into the world on blogs.

back to ranting, railing and whining about how the world is quite how i want it to be (see it is all about me).

now i just have to work out what i am going to write about tomorrow.

and the day after.

and the day after.

and the day after.

i am sure i’ll think of something if i really try.

if i really care.