co-codamol

then
it was a saturday. plans hadn’t gone the way they were meant to. it was a nice sunny day. late in the afternoon. didn’t fancy a movie. had a coffee. didn’t want to go home. didn’t want to go into town. i know tate modern and there i can go to the marcus campbell bookshop and get some back issues of various art magazines.
sorted.
bus or tube?
bus it is.
liverpool street and off to st pauls on the bus.
camera out, take some photos from the top deck.
where to get out. the blackfriars stop, that works.
i’ll cut down here and do the millennium bridge rather than blackfriars.
shit. no through passage. walk back? jump over?
jump.
clamber up onto the wall.
get balanced, leave bags on the top. not too high. right hand down. get set.
ooh the thames looks lovely the sun is glinting off of it.
come on can’t lollygag the shop will close soon.
lift off.
land.
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!!!!
drop a bit more than i thought.
right hand still resting on the top.
shit pulled the shoulder.
that hurt.
shake it off. take some photos.
gotta get to the shop.
got to the shop, got the mags, saw gilbert and george.
home.
shoulder sore, work it out.
sleep.
sunday. just another day.

now
last week bit of a twinge in the shoulder. must really stop carrying heavy shoulder bags.
mmm twinge getting worse.
not going away. better get over to the docs. easier said than done as i am not registered with a doctor (stupid i know).
aha! whitechapel walk-in clinic here i come. can’t go tuesday, can’t go wednesday. thursday morning it is.
not many people in there. result.
booked in. breakfast tv on the screen. couple of people coming in to find out where another part of the hospital is. reluctant help given. girl comes in makes her complaint about maybe having glandular fever. told no blood tests done here, she flounces out.
i am called.
arm isn’t moving in this direction, only moves a little bit in that direction. looks like you have strained. phew nothing serious. here take some painkillers leave it for a while and then go to bart’s minor injury unit if it is not cleared up.
phew that seems easy. no problems. up and running in no time.
buy the painkillers. day goes by.
time to go to bed. take a painkiller. not much happening. can’t put my arm there. it hurts there. on my side? no. on my back? no. on my front? no. 1am, 2am, 3am. this is stupid. should i go to a&e? bollocks take another painkiller. oh look i am snoozing.
work. fucking hell i can type i can’t use the mouse. not sure i want another night like last night. this is stupid. it hurts.
half day. off to barts.
what a nice hospital. few people in the waiting area. receptionist tells me that we have all waited until the tennis came on before we mobbed her. there are two people in the waiting room.
10 minutes later i am describing what i think has happened.
the look of “you idiot!” clouds the nurse’s face.
shirt off. ooowww. a prod here, a prod there. lift it this way, lift it that way. fuckity fuck fuck that hurts. oh look push it up a bit more and the pain recedes. oh looks like you have torn your rotator cuff.
but going to ask the senior nurse.
she comes over. she does the push it this way, pull it over here. she grills the other nurse about what he thought. he aces it. she asks about the wall, the unspoken “you idiot!” is as clear as day on her face.
looks fairly straightforward, but we’ll do some x-rays.
third floor. out of puff from walking up there.
two petite girls take me to a room (woo hoo never been that lucky before). stand here, move to the right, a bit to left, rotate the wrist, stand still. don’t look at the x-ray machine. click. bang. done. now face the screen. prod here, prod there. oh they can’t seem to get it right. push here, push there. that’s right. click. bang. so why did you jump off the wall, her voice just oozed the subtext “you idiot!” done. be back in a minute. oops we need to do it again. click bang. back shortly. oh we need to do another one. different view this time. awww that hurts can’t stretch my arm out. click bang. done.

back down to the nurse. x-rays on the computer. she explains how it all works. that one looks ok. that one shows a bit of a problem. oh look at that one. see that cloud there? it’s a little bit of calcium its your body trying to repair the damage, but we don’t want that we want it loose. so you need to exercise the arm. basically came down to shaking the arm and lifting it to the front, back and side.
how long will it take. 3 months. so several months of silly arm movements to look forward to.
oh. not so good.
it’ll hurt so here are some painkillers for you. take these co-codamol tablets they are pretty strong, they will allow you to work through the pain to exercise.

thoughts
sitting here typing this waiting for the painkillers to kick in.
couple of points to make.
once again i found myself in awe of the national health service. i try to use it as rarely as possible, but each time i am left with the feeling that the caring staff are truly awesome. gordon brown, if you are reading this (and i know he does) pay them more – take the money from the fatcats.
according to jay the painkiller i have been given can make you horny. this is a problem as the arm in question is my wanking arm.
not going to jump off walls anymore.
finally there is one thing that is certain in this multicultural ethnically diverse community we live in: it doesn’t matter which race or religion of the receptionist they all worship at the alter of unhelpfulness. a more miserable group of people i have never seen.