weekends

i am beginning to hate the weekend. there is too much pressure to do something with the time and invariably i end up doing nothing. oh it's my fault and i admit it, after all it is not hard to jump on a bus (well that is not strictly true as first you have to wait for it to come along and then hope that is it not rammed to the gills with other passengers - not pleasent at the moment as most of the buses seem to have decided that it is artic tempratures outside and have ramped the heating up so that you could grow tropical fruits in the bus. let me tell you this does not complement some of my fellow passengers hygenie state!)and go and do something, anything. there are galleries to be seen, photographs to be taken, dull melancolony poems to be written and dreams to be dreamt.
basically i am wasting my life away - i am doing nothing with it, which isn't to say i am in a position where i have the ability to change the world or contribute something meaningful to it.

so the weekend has recently become a pit of despair for me. i spend time wondering what it is all about, what it means and why on earth the most i can do at the weekend is sit in the flat and read comics!

i guess it gets worse for me this time of year. i hate christmas. i hate the commericalisation of christmas, i hate the fact that christmas has been overtaken by the need to paaaaarty, to indulge and pretend you are friends with all and sundry. but, perversely, what i hate most of all is that there is a 2-3 week period where whole chunks of the city just close up and you can't do anything.

i need to do an audit of my life, my expectations and sort myself out.

i am a little embarrassed that i have just written a post that could have been done by a kurt cobain fan! (next time i get this urge i will just write about how my latest trip to a curry house has turned my guts into mulch.... i am sure my dear reader will prefer to read about that!)