i would be the first to admit that i am not an open welcoming person. my default mode could probably be described as “leave me the fuck alone”. mostly it just means people don’t bother me in the streets. that makes me happy.
it seems there are times when my factor 5 fuck off wears off and i suddenly attract all kinds of attention. tonight seemed to be one of those nights.
i was out and about looking at some art. i tried out a couple of new galleries, saw some great art and got the exercise of walking to and from the galleries. in the first i was approached by the gallery owner. he was interested in my thoughts on the show and the gallery and i gave them to him, while all the time wondering why the pretty girl who stomped about because she was wearing heavy shoes was put off by the factor 5 ‘f.o.’ and he wasn’t. i told the bloke i was glad that there was a new gallery to visit. he told me that i was a distinctive looking so he was bound to remember me.
thanks for that gallery guy.
i left him to deal with the new crowd of people who had streamed into the gallery.
i moved onto another gallery. a bunch of beer guzzling bohemians standing outside (it was a night where you could easily tell where the open galleries were – they had more people with bottles of beer standing outside of them than the local pubs – amazing what free drink will do) and no many in the gallery. i go in. look at the black and white photos on display (black and white means art doncha know).
i chin stroke my way through some ok photographs. some are very good, most are average a few are bland. even as i am studying the photos i have clocked the two pretty girls sitting on the settee that is in the gallery. they are stopping me from getting a good view of some of the photos – i don’t mind too much as they are not among the best in the show. time for me to go and make my way home. one of the girls asks me if i can take a photo of them (not an unusual request as i had my camera with me) and she hands me her iphone to do the deed. i do. head of both of them. (that may make it sound like i knew what i was doing but just trying to use the iphone to take photos was a challenge – there is certain technology i shouldn’t be let near. oh they didn’t just want head shots – they wanted the full body and they wanted to stick their long slender legs out for me to capture in digital form.
now that is the sort of challenge i like.
stupidly i didn’t faff over taking the photos. what the hell was i thinking…..
job done and i moved on, my only reward their smile of thanks. again what was i thinking?
time to go home. nice long walk. need the exercise it is a nice evening. i get to have a smile as i walk by the office building that houses chubb security only to notice that a place that is all about locks and safes has a security guard sitting on a stool to protect them. what does that say about their product?
getting late.
will go to sainsbury’s to get a snack.
walking down valance road. little old asian chap stops me; he is traditionally dressed and has a neatly trimmed snowy white beard. he points up the road and says ‘do you know?’ i jump to conclusions that he is asking for brick lane, he doesn’t want brick lane. something about ravi in bethnal green. i point him in the direction of bethnal green. no he says do i know ravi in bethanl green. his english is poor and my shyleti is worse. i shrug and say i don’t know ravi of bethnal green. he smiles at me and tells me i am a very good man, a nice man. i agree with him, give him the thumbs up, tell him to have a good evening and i move on.
in sainsbury’s now. looking at the yogurts. i have become a big fan of yogurts recently. i feel like a treat so i am going to go for a twekkelo farmhouse yogurt with black cherry. as i pick it up and put it in my basket a young bloke asks me if it is nice. i bite my tongue because like all sensible shoppers i only buy stuff that i don’t like, instead i tell him it is good and i also recommend that he try the apple and cinnamon version as well (see public service pat). he looks at me as if i had imparted great wisdom and in return he must reply with a more profound statement. and he does.
“once you have had a few mouthfuls you have to finish it all off.” this seemed to be a problem for him, while i just thought that was the done thing to do. i nodded sagely with him and walked away, backwards: just in case. i never saw if he took my advice.
i just kept thinking why me? these are the people that ems talks to not me.
tomorrow i am putting on factor 7 ‘piss off i don’t care what you have to say.’
it seems there are times when my factor 5 fuck off wears off and i suddenly attract all kinds of attention. tonight seemed to be one of those nights.
i was out and about looking at some art. i tried out a couple of new galleries, saw some great art and got the exercise of walking to and from the galleries. in the first i was approached by the gallery owner. he was interested in my thoughts on the show and the gallery and i gave them to him, while all the time wondering why the pretty girl who stomped about because she was wearing heavy shoes was put off by the factor 5 ‘f.o.’ and he wasn’t. i told the bloke i was glad that there was a new gallery to visit. he told me that i was a distinctive looking so he was bound to remember me.
thanks for that gallery guy.
i left him to deal with the new crowd of people who had streamed into the gallery.
i moved onto another gallery. a bunch of beer guzzling bohemians standing outside (it was a night where you could easily tell where the open galleries were – they had more people with bottles of beer standing outside of them than the local pubs – amazing what free drink will do) and no many in the gallery. i go in. look at the black and white photos on display (black and white means art doncha know).
i chin stroke my way through some ok photographs. some are very good, most are average a few are bland. even as i am studying the photos i have clocked the two pretty girls sitting on the settee that is in the gallery. they are stopping me from getting a good view of some of the photos – i don’t mind too much as they are not among the best in the show. time for me to go and make my way home. one of the girls asks me if i can take a photo of them (not an unusual request as i had my camera with me) and she hands me her iphone to do the deed. i do. head of both of them. (that may make it sound like i knew what i was doing but just trying to use the iphone to take photos was a challenge – there is certain technology i shouldn’t be let near. oh they didn’t just want head shots – they wanted the full body and they wanted to stick their long slender legs out for me to capture in digital form.
now that is the sort of challenge i like.
stupidly i didn’t faff over taking the photos. what the hell was i thinking…..
job done and i moved on, my only reward their smile of thanks. again what was i thinking?
time to go home. nice long walk. need the exercise it is a nice evening. i get to have a smile as i walk by the office building that houses chubb security only to notice that a place that is all about locks and safes has a security guard sitting on a stool to protect them. what does that say about their product?
getting late.
will go to sainsbury’s to get a snack.
walking down valance road. little old asian chap stops me; he is traditionally dressed and has a neatly trimmed snowy white beard. he points up the road and says ‘do you know?’ i jump to conclusions that he is asking for brick lane, he doesn’t want brick lane. something about ravi in bethnal green. i point him in the direction of bethnal green. no he says do i know ravi in bethanl green. his english is poor and my shyleti is worse. i shrug and say i don’t know ravi of bethnal green. he smiles at me and tells me i am a very good man, a nice man. i agree with him, give him the thumbs up, tell him to have a good evening and i move on.
in sainsbury’s now. looking at the yogurts. i have become a big fan of yogurts recently. i feel like a treat so i am going to go for a twekkelo farmhouse yogurt with black cherry. as i pick it up and put it in my basket a young bloke asks me if it is nice. i bite my tongue because like all sensible shoppers i only buy stuff that i don’t like, instead i tell him it is good and i also recommend that he try the apple and cinnamon version as well (see public service pat). he looks at me as if i had imparted great wisdom and in return he must reply with a more profound statement. and he does.
“once you have had a few mouthfuls you have to finish it all off.” this seemed to be a problem for him, while i just thought that was the done thing to do. i nodded sagely with him and walked away, backwards: just in case. i never saw if he took my advice.
i just kept thinking why me? these are the people that ems talks to not me.
tomorrow i am putting on factor 7 ‘piss off i don’t care what you have to say.’
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