ban

finally the election has been sorted. huzzah!
okay i am not happy with the result, but in the spirit of the new politics (copyright nick ‘harlot’ clegg) here are a few things i would like to see banned.

ban members of parliament dodging questions with the very limp phrase ‘above my pay grade’. if you can’t answer simple questions what on earth are you doing running for office. if you don’t want to be out of step with your party save us all some cash and just stay home and send the party whip a postal vote.

let us hear no more bollocks about ‘national interest, not party interest’. if that were truly the case then all three leaders would have said let us all come together and form a national government until such time as the economic crisis has been solved. none of them said it for the simple fact that we would have believed none of them. guess what i haven’t believed one of them when they have said ‘national interest, not party interest’. in fact all it has made me do is shout out ‘liar liar pants on fire’.

while we are at it can we also ban all talk of ‘unelected prime ministers’. i know everyone wants to be like obama but we don’t elect a president we elect a party. i know, i know seems so simple, so straightforward yet it confuses so many people. oddly william hague mentioned it (again) yesterday. so william did we elect nick clegg to be the deputy prime minister? nope. yet we have him, in case you have forgotten he came third. (can’t help but think he is counting the days until the birth of the new cameron and david taking paternity leave,)
still it does me proud to hear fellow citizens claiming that we were living under a dictatorship, a tyrant and that we have seen mugabe (oh that came courtsey of malcolm 'i don't use hyperbole' rifkind) like politics. of course it is good we let the care in the community people have a say, just a shame some of them are in the conservative party.

and can i make a pre-emptive strike and ask that any member of parliament who says ‘day one’ or even more pointlessly ‘minute one’ to be taken out onto college green and be beaten with a ripe kipper and made to wear a dunce’s cap for a week. trust me chaps (and chapettes) uttering ‘from day one’ will not make you sound hip, it will not make you sound executive like, it will not give you that smidgen of street cred you are so desperate for. the kids won’t respect you for using it and the masters of oxford will laugh at you.

see there you go a blueprint for the new politics. simple.