poses

for my sins (and there are many of them – not least the sin of onanism – no not conanism, which is the desire to be like arnie, but onanism the spilling of ones seed on the ground (comes from onan the son of judah – see not only is this funny it is informative… what do you mean it’s not funny.) anyway i freely confess that i partake of the pleasures of the fist. some nights i get all sensual, have the lights low, soft music on the stereo and whisper delicate words of encouragement – in those moments i am dr. self-love. other times i like it rough and then i just tug away proud to be a wanker. but this isn’t about my masturbatory talents and techniques. though i will share one more thing with you on this subject we catholics are not supposed to indulge it’s a sin (and i am pretty sure it is a venal one – but jpii has yet to get back to me on that one) but it is also against the sikh religion. there you go it’s that informative but digressive streak again…

anyway as i was saying…
for my many sins i have to read several trade journals to do with marketing (and for that alone i am probably going to hell) and recently i have noticed that the writers of the think pieces are very keen to have pictures of themselves plastered all over the page. we are not talking just a mug shot; we are talking an action shot.
now as a wannabe photographer (and yes paul i can take happy photos i just don’t) i know it is not the easiest thing in the world to get pose and look natural when they do it – the people who can do it are normally the ones that become celebrities and the photographers who can get people to strike “realistic” poses are the ones who go on to get lots of work.
so there i am reading my marketing magazine getting all kinds of fuzzy feelings when i read about brand extensions (ok i get a little beavis and butthead at that), new product development (npd to those in the know), swot analysis unique selling properties, above and below the line… well you get the picture – it’s thrilling, it’s engrossing and in so many ways.
but for some reason these gurus of marketing have decided that they need to be brands in and of themselves. the first way they do this is not by the stunning lucidity of their prose but by having their full length picture appear in the body of their article. with a touch of photoshop the image is cleaned up to be dropped into the layout, a dab of quark makes sure the text flows around the image in a pleasing and delightful way. so what was once a piece about the strength of a brand becomes something more, it becomes a brochure for that marketeer, it becomes their vanity publishing piece.
it wouldn’t be so bad if these people didn’t try so hard to “sex” up their image so they look dynamic, thoughtful, knowledgeable, with it, calm, in control and so many of those qualities we should respect in the form of the modern business person. all of this has to be conveyed with stock poses – a pointing hand, the hands on hips, the holding the glasses by the arm of the frames, the one leg forward pose, the solid pose of arms folded, suited, in shirt sleeves etc. it would work if it wasn’t for the fact they all look so obviously posed and the various characters look so uncomfortable as the picture screams love me trust me.
it wouldn’t matter that much if it was just the trade journals that this happened, but i can’t help noticing it occurring in the opinion pieces of newspapers where the headshots of the various writers have begun to appear like they are dodgy ads in contact magazines (some one really should tell bruce anderson at the independent that his picture makes him look like he has had a large sharp object inserted into his arse).
i blame it all on celebrity we seem to be obsessed with it and those people who are involved in the media, no matter how minor that involvement is seem to want to have their faces splashed all over the place. perhaps they hope that we will see them in the street and thank them for their insightful commentary and how they have made our lives complete.
so expect to see a picture of my ugly mug splashed on here sometime soon – i shall look to have a dynamic pose and have a cheeky grin. so conveying that i am both kind and loveable, but firm and in charge and that you can believe everything i say.
right – that’ll work.